Goodbye IVF - end of a tiresome journey

Dear all,

I wanted to briefly give a HUGE THANK YOU to all supportive posts I have received in the past years... I had my third and last FET a couple of weeks ago, but it ended in a BFN. I did not have high expectations anyway. I am happy the process has ended, though, as it's been too difficult for me with my non-responsive always-never-thick-enough endometrium, and I did not like at all taking hormones (I am still bloated and in pain), which I also think have led me straight into menopause from having a regular cycle when I started taking them.

I know IVF can work for some/many, and so it is great that it exists. But it can also be a source of great distress and failure for others (still the majority), and my personal advice is to take care of yourself before everything else, and accept that this is is a gamble... it's good to have hope but also to be realistic. It's a really fine balance to strike, and only who is on this journey can understand how difficult, if not impossible, it is.

My best best wishes to all the lovely ladies out there!! Lots of love and hugs and best wishes xxx... and good bye... I take back my pre-IVF life (to the extent that it is possible), I look forward to it.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi VannaGlo. You certainly have been through so much over the years, and I salute you with your decision to call it a day. If you fe l you need support moving on from all this, then why not give the “More To a Life” community a look in. They are a great support. Sending love and hugs. Diane

[Abaco]

I am so sorry things didn’t work out for you this time and I wish you all the very best. You were a great support to me when I needed it so thank you! X

[Hidden in reply to Abaco]

Well it's great to know I have been helpful! Something good has come out of this!

Lots of hugs and wishes of good luck!! xxx

[Abaco in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. All the very best to you too xxx

[Noodleone]

I totally agree with everything you say and think you’ve made a brave call. I’m only on round one but it sucks and all I see in the forums is people saying things like ‘never give up/ keep going/ it only take one egg’ etc etc. I actually think this can make people feel worse and think we need to be able to give ourselves (and each other) permission to call time on this whole process when it is not working or when we’ve just had enough. I wish you all the very best xxx

[Hidden in reply to Noodleone]

I think these are wise words, I know what you mean about the constant calls for hope... as it does not work at 100%, no matter how often one tries. Because it works in some cases of brave women/couples who try really hard for a long time, it's good for some to keep hoping and trying, if they can do it. But as you say, this might make those who do not want to keep trying feel bad, guilty, inferior, weak, not brave enough, not trying hard enough, etc. My message to those is: please please do not feel guilty; just by considering the process you have shown great courage; be honest with yourself... (easier said than done, though... as we depend on others... ah, so complicated!!), and in fact choosing not to do it or to stop is very hard and brave too!!!

For us, it was clear that the we had to stop, my endometrium did not respond to hormones (or no hormones) in no predictable way, it's been maddening. Having turned 45 in March helped the decision, I can see it might be harder to stop if one is younger, with all the pressure. But I really did not feel good taking hormones and keeping in check my travels and professional life - plus with all the recent news about HRT being riskier than previously thought... no, thanks, no more playing with my body. Ironically, the day I got the negative result last week, the news published an article about a 73 year old Indian woman giving birth to twins. Donor IVF, success at first attempt. Amazing? Wow? Crazy? Gosh? No doubt people on this list will have different reactions to this!

I wish you all the best wherever this leads you... hugs xxx!! And take great care of yourself!!

[Novice_knitter]

So sorry about your recent results and just wanted to wish you all the best for moving forwards now. Xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Novice_knitter]

Thank you... all the best to you, and.. happy knitting?! It's fun to knit (I prefer to crochet, though) xxx

[Lowamh]

I’m sorry it didn’t work for you but I totally understand you when you say you are getting back to your pre-ivf life. Good luck xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lowamh]

Thank you and all best wishes to you! xxx

[Elynn]

So sorry, wishing you well. 🌻

[Hidden in reply to Elynn]

Thank you.. no need to be sorry, it's good to move forward... Best wishes to you! xxx

[Cinderella5]

Hey, just wanted to wish you all the best moving forward! Its ever so tiring battling on with this but the prospect of giving up is pretty scary too however to go back to life pre-IVF sounds very good....if only we could forget all of this! Sigh.....take care and lots of love I hope you find your peace!!xxx

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

I know what you mean about the difficulty of leaving the process. Because we still had one embryo left last year, I was not able to drop the process even though I had lost hope that it would work and it was so difficult for me to go through it (and I was not desperate for a child). The mere idea that "it might have worked" would have bugged me, so I resisted and managed to have the third FET recently. But that was it. Some people have a stronger desire to keep trying. Not I!! Apart from bad 'menstrual' cramps right now, I am coping ok, just weird that no one else apart from people on this list and one's close friend know about all this... there should be more institutional awareness and support for those who go through this, like there is for sickness and bereavement. All the very best to you and thanks enormously for all your support, you have been so precious, I mean it! BIG HUG and "byyee" xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hidden]

No I dont think I could walk away from embryos either.....the constant wondering what if would kill me! Im glad you were able to get to the end to give you that reassurance that you have tried all that you could and you are doing ok. I really do wish nothing but the best for you guys now, hoepfully with the weight lifted from your shoulders you can start to enjoy life ahead. Thanks for your kind words of support too, its very precious to have the understanding of others with similar struggles.xxx

[Shelleybean]

This post is so sad, but also massively positive and inspiring 💖 Take care warrior and enjoy having your life back, that really is something to be celebrated xx

[Hidden in reply to Shelleybean]

OK... and I am not that sad, really! Mainly in pain/nausea from coming off the bloody hormones All the very best to you!! xxx

[Bistbee]

Wishing you all the very best as you move into this next chapter of your life, enjoy every moment of reclaiming your pre-IVF life back and celebrate how much of a total warrior you’ve been through all of this.

I think we can all identify with wanting this process to be over as soon as possible, either because of a pregnancy or to stop altogether if it’s never going to happen.

Sometimes I just wish someone could tell me one way or the other, the not knowing how this is all going to pan out is the most frustrating aspect of this process, you must feel stuck, so I completely understand your decision to say ‘no more’ 💛

[Hidden in reply to Bistbee]

Yes... I understand about the not knowing.. it can become quite maddening. I wish you the best for all your decision... any decision!! xxx Thanks

[Dreamingofbaby]

All the best with everything hun. All can do is try and can be so good to know when is best for u to stop as can take such a lot out of us. Take good care xx

[Hidden in reply to Dreamingofbaby]

Thank you! And all the best to you too... xxx

[Violet1987]

Hello, I am new to this forum but not new to IVF and this painful experience. I admire you for making a decision xx