Heartbroken over chemical pregnancy

I am writing this post with a heavy heart lots of tears and some anger.

OTD was last Friday 11 days post 5 day FET (2 embryo transferred as 42) couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a very faint positive, but couldn’t get excited as faint line. Hospital said to re-test on Monday which I did and then even fainter line, hospital said it could be early which is why faint or a chemical pregnancy I knew it was the latter and today has confirmed it, as tested again and both tests came back negative. Heartbroken doesn’t even come close. I know many of you lovely ladies have been through this and worse but just feel like this is never going to happen for us. I start a new job in September so going to be really difficult to get any time off to do another round (2 frozen embryos and 1 fresh round left as part of a multi cycle) but due to my age I can’t hang around so now feel really stressed about what I can do next and how we can do another round. I will be ringing the hospital later so guessing I will stop meds’ and period will appear soon.

I know there are quite a few of you testing soon so wish you the very best of luck and I am keeping everything crossed for u. And all those who have recently tested and got a positive massive congratulations xxx

[Dogpark]

Hi Hidden I’m in the same boat - 42 - and my work has been suffering due to the intensity of the IVF treatment I have to go through. At 42, I don’t feel like I have time to wait in between cycles. My job usually leads me to travel extensively and I’ve had to communicate to work that I wasn’t able to travel for medical reasons, I believe this impacted my performance review. Hang in there - I would prioritise fresh cycles now - you can always transfer embryos when you’re 43.

[Hidden in reply to Dogpark]

Thanks Dogpark, I got signed off from work when I was going through a couple of my cycles as in my mind this was the priority for me and running out of time. I do think it helps as you can be more relaxed and focus on cycle. I agree with the fresh cycle I think that is the route we will go down next and do freeze all if we are successful with fertilisation. I usually leave it 3 months in between each cycle how long do u? X

[Hidden in reply to Dogpark]

Wow I could have written this myself, I am also 42 and I am supposed to travel loads, I’ve already missed two US trips and blamed ‘medical reasons’ but have four long haul trips coming up and my OH and I agreed I wouldn’t fly long haul if doing a round or get my bfp. Work are starting to get irritated with my lack of commitment but I also don’t want to leave as there is an amazing maternity package. It’s so tough xx

[Dogpark in reply to Hidden]

Yep same here, I'm supposed to travel to the US every 2/3 months + EU travels in the mean time. I've cancelled a few trips and now the company is asking to do attend an "occupational health" doctor visit to find out what I have. This is very stressful. Meanwhile, my partner who has male factor infertility (aka he's the reason behind the IVF) is starting a great new job and is pretty much unaffected - I even had to yell at him multiple times for him to take his vitamins seriously.

[Hidden in reply to Dogpark]

We should keep in touch, my GM EMEA has started dropping the 'cancer' word in conversations and fishing!? I've had 3 ops this year (2 x SMM and 1 x hysteroscopy) and worked throughout even on surgery days.. but that's not enough! I have just finished my 3rd round (BFN) and want to do another back to back as I don't feel I have time to waste..but I know they are going to wonder about all my 'sick' days and hospital appointments again. I can't tell them I am TTC as it will risk my career.. I run a global account so the expectation is I am at their offices all over the place, and it would be taken off me if I said I couldn't travel. At the moment I am booking meetings and just assuming I will find an excuse nearer the time. I was found to have sticky blood and risk of DVT so that is my reason I am not there at the moment (supposed to be in SF not technically a reason).. heaven knows what my October/Nov and December excuses will be.

Vitamins!? My OH resolutely refuses to take any. He too has a global account and think he loves all his travel as he just gets away from everything! x

[Dogpark in reply to Hidden]

Yes almost the same situation here. It's been horrible, I've worked immediately after surgeries, and my company is panicking because for the first time in my entire life, I'm not able to jump on a plane to SF within a week. Same with bloods, I found out I suddenly had high platelet count yesterday, I'm worried the treatment might actually cause cancer.

[Hidden in reply to Dogpark]

I have occupational health at my current co which I am leaving soon so I had to see them but they were really good as they knew I was going thru ivf as did my manager he was an idiot (not bout ivf) he didn’t support the fact I had such a high workload and was prepared to do anything bout it so I signed myself off via the dr. My partner had v low sperm count and mobility which is why we are going thru ivf although my age probably doesn’t help in terms of implantation and embryo quality which is sad as chances of us conceiving naturally around 1% I also have to remind him most days to take his vitamins and totally get where u r coming from in relation to being unaffected although he is disappointed every time it doesn’t work he is able to just carry on with everything and I feel I am left to get angry, sob and feel disheartened I think this is most men tbh they just get on with it it hasn’t worked so on to the next round, not so clear cut for us women. So I can relate! I find it hard to deal with and end up getting angry at him which doesn’t help.

[Fingerscrossed38]

It's not fair. I'm sorry this has happened. If you can afford to do another retrieval with pgs testing I would do it now. It'll take the pressure off and it's always better to do it earlier rather than wait. You'll figure the stimming out around your new job. It's only a few days and if you let your boss know you have a few Dr appointments in your lunch breaks or before work I'm sure you'll do it. Take time to grieve but focus on your goal. You can do this!

[Hidden in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

Thanks, x I am not concerned so much about the stimming and check ups more the egg retrieval as I would need the day off at very short notice and don’t want to tell new employer I am having ivf treatment as this could be used against me as new and will b on probation. I feel numb atm think because I knew from Monday it was all over and just feel so heartbroken by this process even though my situation is not as hard as others on here has been x

[Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Hidden]

A loss is a loss and is devastating at any stage. You are allowed to feel heartbroken for as long as you need to. I found my second miscarriage which was also a chemical more mentally damaging than the previous missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Everyone deals differently. It all sucks.

I get what you mean regarding egg retrieval and day days after it but you can always call in sick on the day of retrieval. If you're unwell you're unwell...who knows it may well land on a weekend...

[Hidden in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

Thanks all feels so raw atm especially after speaking to the clinic and telling them this morning. Yes you are right it sucks beginning to wonder what I have done to get such bad luck in relation to having children. Sorry to hear you have had chemical and missed miscarriage that is awful what is the difference if you don’t mind me asking and how did u pick urself up from it all? Xx

[Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Hidden]

We will get there eventually.

A missed miscarriage is when the baby stops growing somewhere in the first trimester but you have no idea and yet you still experience all the pregnancy symptoms, still get lines on pregnancy tests etc and you find out at the scan that baby stopped growing weeks ago like I did...pretty upsetting. I've not really dealt with it. It has made me so apprehensive about trying naturally to fall pregnant because I've got it in my head that there was a chromosomal issue with them (never had them tested). So we've gone through IVF with PGS testing in the hopes that I'll limit the chances of another miscarriage if I do get pregnant...silly I know but I just can't seem to believe it'll ever work.

[Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Hidden]

And a chemical is really early on when you test (usually early) and you get a line but the line doesn't get darker instead it slowly vanishes. Most women wouldn't even know they'd been pregnant because they wouldn't have tested and just thought their period was slightly late that month.

[Hidden in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

That must have been really hard and upsetting as if u have all the symptoms u just assume all will hopefully be ok. I can totally see why you would worry and u have to do what ever is best for you. I too will be worried the same thing will happen on our next round but that also more worried we won’t even get a positive next time. Pgs testing is quite expensive isn’t it? I know it’s hard to think it will ever work but it is positive that u can fall pregnant and although devastating what has happened we must I guess focus on the positives. I hope our time will come. Xx

[Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Hidden]

Yes pgs is crazy expensive but the peace of mind and hopefully avoiding another miscarriage (it doesn't guarantee pregnancy of course) due to chromosomal abnormalities or worse still a difficult decision later on in the pregnancy were worth the cost for us.

Yes, I need to try and be less worried and more positive no matter how hard it is.

Best of luck with things 🍀

[Hidden in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

Can totally appreciate that and yes harder to make difficult decisions later on so at least you know earlier sounds really sensible. I have my fingers crossed for u xx

[Hidden in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

Btw just seen your post I had my otd 11 days after fet

[Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Hidden]

Ah thanks. The waiting throughout this process is tortuous isn't it! Xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss (and for jumping on your thread). My recent round (just stopped bleeding) also looks like a chemical with early BFPs which gradually faded to nothing. I started bleeding before OTD and its stopped 8 days later. I am hoping to start again first day of next cycle so literally 3 weeks time.. I was allowed to do this after my first failed cycle but am seeing the consultant on Tuesday so will know more then. I am also 42 and have had 3 rounds, 1st BFN, 2nd 3 x 5dt BFP but MC at 9 weeks and then 3 x 3dt this round but BFN/Chemical. My nurse said the other day at this age we have to just keep going and keep throwing money at it and it will happen. Great news you have some Frosties as I understand it FET is a bit less in terms of scans etc so hopefully that might make it easier? Ive only ever had enough to put some back never freeze any so suggests yours are great quality - wishing you masses of success - always here if you want an OAP rant xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Daisy no problem the forum is all about connecting with people and supporting one another it really helps if people in same situation as you as easier to relate I don’t know how you and dogpark travel so much whilst going thru it my job is quite high powered and stressful so am worried about starting somewhere new as I do believe this does have an impact. Sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy and miscarriage that must have been really hard u r really strong for carrying on have u had any tests to see if they can find out y miscarriage and chemical? Yes frozen cycle is much easier as u don’t have to have all the hormone meds which I struggled with in fresh cycle as due to my age I was on the maximum dosage I literally could not stop my emotions. Thanks so much for the oap chat offer that has made me laugh I will follow u and dogpark to see how u r both doing and hoping u will both be successful especially for us older ladies ☺️ Xx

[Hidden]

Im so very sorry I’ve been through a chemical pregnancy it’s so heartbreaking. Take as much time as you need to grieve this loss. As for work I’d put yourself first- do what you feel is right for you, some companies have a IVF policy in place. Right now isn’t the best time to make any decisions give yourselves time. Please do know just because this pregnancy hasn’t worked out doesn’t mean another pregnancy wouldn’t it’s very positive you did conceive ( I wish it had been a happier outcome) i now have a 8 week old daughter I fell a year after our chemical pregnancy I hope that can give you some hope. Thinking of you both & sending kind wishes to you xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jess x - u r right I need to put myself first & cant make decisions atm I am just freaking out & worrying about the next steps probably as I am on such a downer yes I need to take the positive which is what the hospital said just can’t feel positive atm with it being so raw. Aah congratulations that is great news was this thru ivf or naturally if 7 don’t mind me asking. Thanks for ur kind message xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

It is very raw it’s only early days took me until the passed the due date for me to feel normal again- I burst into tears randomly & felt very angry at the world for our loss. Don’t expect too much from yourself it’s shattering.

We were just trying for 7 years. It took us nearly 6 years of TTC until my endometriosis was eventually diagnosed! We fell after it was treated but miscarried. My endo became worse & thanks to my supportive fertility doctor I had another 2 surgeries to treat my endo- it was so bad it needed an endo specialist. 3 surgeries within 13 months. I fell naturally the 2nd month after my 3rd surgery- i re started clomid afterwards on 2nd cycle.we only had short limited time to fall before it would regrow & were due to see our fertility doctor 3 months after my surgery to discuss other options but didn’t need the appointment!

I seen your latest post- I had same worries following our loss. My fertility doctor said we were just really unlucky but there was nothing to suggest we would have another loss. The words he said was beautiful “ through the dark cloud the silver lining is that you did conceive and this is positive “ Most women that suffer a miscarriage will go on to have a healthy baby.

I took prednisone & progesterone pessaries from a positive pregnancy test until I was 12 weeks pregnant my fertility doctor authorised this to my Gp. The reason for prednisone was my nk cells are slightly raised. I guess the progesterone pessaries was due to my endo as ladies have with endo have lower levels. I think taking these earlier made a difference ( last time with my CP it took a few days to get prescriptions) organised) might be a coincidence but I firmly believe it helped keep my baby safe.

A lot of chemical pregnancies they don’t know the cause but it’s usually a chromosome issue with that embryo. Sadly chemical pregnancies aren’t that uncommon.

Definitely do your own research & if having additional helps put your mind at rest do it. xoxo

[Shelleybean]

So sorry to read this, you must be heartbroken to have had your hopes raised 😢 Prioritise and spoil yourself right now, but take comfort that you got this far and have some little frosties waiting for their turn 💖 xx

[Hidden in reply to Shelleybean]

Thanks for your kind message x

Yes totally heartbroken, on otd positive line was faint so I wasn’t overly excited but had hoped but as line got fainter I knew it was over, still nothing quite prepares u 4 the heartbreak. You are so right I will appreciate how far we got which is the furthest ever but just hard atm. We r lucky having Frosties. Thanks xx

[Kat_15]

I’m so sorry to read this. Sending you a big hug. 🤗 xxx

[Hidden in reply to Kat_15]

Thanks Kat xx 😌

[Hope76]

So very sorry, there is nothing worse, take time to get over this and you will know when the time is right to try again.

Regarding work, I was open & honest to my boss & HR who were very understanding giving me as much time off as I wanted. I understand not the best course of action with a new job however many Companies now have policies on ‘IVF’. Wishing you lots of luck with your Frosties. When I had a Miscarriage last year I waited for 1 period and pushed on with an FET due to age x

[Hidden]

Thanks for your message Hope we seem in similar situations (although I am minus child ☺️) I turn 43 in September so really nervous that our last fresh cycle (which I think will be our next step) may not be as good result as our last one which gave us 5 Frosties which was incredible. As last one a frozen cycle I guess body may bounce back a little quicker. Yes u r right many companies have a policy I will check when I start. I can see u r on your 2ww I have everything crossed for you and will b checking in on ur progress really hoping all works out for this cycle. Xx