Questions, questions, questions!

Hi all, after our recent failed cycle my husband and I have decided to go away on holiday.

I am struggling to ‘switch off’ & relax as much as I really want to. My mind is constantly going through all our past cycles and I’m now really worried about my periods. Before my ectopic pregnancy last year, I would say my periods were 3-4 days with day 2 being the heaviest. Now, I’m lucky if I bleed properly for 2 days. My period should have started on Friday or Saturday but instead it came on Sunday and then stopped again today. I’ve had no blood or discharge at all.

As well as light/weak periods, I am also really worried about my progesterone levels as they are on lower side and then there is my lining.

My husband and I do not produce a lot of high quality blastocysts either.

Am I really fooling myself to think that I am going to be pregnant some day? Any of you lovely ladies have any words of wisdom or advice?

Sorry for the miserable post again! I can’t tell hubby how I’m feeling as we’re supposed to be relaxing and having fun....

[Millbanks]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling rubbish. It’s such a horrible emotional rollercoaster. We’re just at the beginning of our journey really, but I can tell you that my grandma got pregnant with my dad after 12 years of trying, before ivf was invented. So sometimes is does just happen, even when all hope is lost. Be good to yourself and try to enjoy the time you have with your hubby now, because when that baby does come along you’ll be busy! Xx

[Hidden in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you for your kind words. Sending you all the luck in the world with the start of your journey xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Pandora, sounds like you're having a tough time. I'm sorry that you feel like this. I'm not sure I can give you any advice apart from do not cut yourself off from your hubby. It's really important that you are able to communicate with each other as it will make the lows of this journey more bearable.

You're not going to be able to switch off and enjoy your holiday if you don't get this off your chest. Ultimately IVF does become all consuming for us all and knowing that you are there to support each other every step of the way is what will get you through it.

Be gentle to yourself, you're not a robot that can switch your emotions on and off. I'm sure you'll feel better if you talk to him. Don't forget he loves you.xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for this lovely response. You are 100% right about communicating with my husband. He hates it when I’m upset so chooses not to talk about it a lot - sometimes it’s the only thing I do want to talk about 🤣🙈😞 xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I totally understand where your coming from. Maybe try and limit the "IVF chat" to an hour then you'll be able to get things off your chest and hopefully still enjoy your day. Love each other everyday and take care of yourselves.xx

[GoingMental]

Hey, keep ur chin up. I saw the first cycle as a’test one’ (even though it’s still so devestating) but your consultant is still doing what they think is right without knowing much about ur body.

I didn’t get a blastocyst either on my first cycle but then on my second they changed my medication and got 3 blastocysts and was able to freeze two, now I have a BFP after my frozen cycle.

I think it’s very difficult for the consultants to know exactly what works for u best straight away so if/when u do the next cycle I think ur medication will change. Best of luck xx

[Hidden in reply to GoingMental]

Thank you so much. Congratulations again on your positive. I guess my husband and I are unsure whether to go back for a 3rd cycle or not? The thought of going through everything again really scares me and my anxiety goes through the roof xxx

[GoingMental in reply to Hidden]

Oh I understand after each of mine I said I couldn’t face it again and then a few weeks later I realise I just can’t give up. Good luck in ur decision hun xx

[Hidden in reply to GoingMental]

Loving your strength 😘👍 I hope you have a peaceful pregnancy. Keep us updated xxx

[Cinderella5]

I find it really hard to switch off in between cycles/transfers. Im a bit of a planner aka control freak and like to know what im doing next and planning ahead......even if I know Im not doing a cycle soon I still feel more relaxed with a plan in place. I also dont have heavy periods and my lining doesnt get to great levels however its satisfactory for transfer and we feel a little more encouraged that we have had 2 pregnancies after so many BFNs. My progesterone levels in my natural cycle is good and shows ovulation however we have since found out after our recent loss that my progesterone is much lower than it should be after being on cyclogest 400x2 per day which suggests Im not absorbing the pessaries well. Im going to have injections for next cycle and have my levels checked on transfer day. We didnt get many blastocysts either unfortunately due to my age (as the Dr said) so made the tough decision to move to DE which I know isnt for everyone but it certainly has given us more chances than we would have had with one or two blastocyst per cycle. Hugs, this isnt easy and it isnt easy to switch off either. No advice really as Im exactly the same but you're certainly not alone in your thinking.xx

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

You really are amazing Cinderella! Your positivity is very admirable.

I too am worried about progesterone. Our consultant seems to think that our blastocysts didn’t implant due to poor quality and not the environment - but I know my body and I feel that my environment (womb) isn’t right or as right as it should be. I hope I’m making sense? Sending you a huge hug and I’m so heartbroken for you in your most recent loss xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, all we can do is keep going really until we can do no more!!

I guess the only thing you can do is have it checked at transfer and go from there really, it may be the blastocysts or both. I had previous early bleeding at day 7 with my OE when I did NHS treatment using crinone gel.....NHS clinic told me it was impossible that I had low progesterone!?! My private clinic doesnt rate crinone at all and it works for others but they have lots of ladies successfully use cylcogest 800mg per day.....just not me I guess. I actually have a history of not absorbing meds very well so makes sense really.xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you feel like this, but totally understand. I think cycles get better each time so if you are able to do more on paper at least you have more and more chance of better quality embryos.

My periods have been all over the place since we started IVF, I've had a couple of MC and some surgery that doesn't help, but my consultant said it was very normal as all the hormones throw your body into a real turmoil and they should settle down over time but it can take quite a while.

Have you had any counselling. I understand your isolation and your inability to switch off. I have it too. I feel like I am leading a parallel life where I am a successful career woman at work all happy and everything is fine and I think people assume I chose not to have children, but inside I am lost, sad, jealous, frustrated and at times give up with it all. I tried counselling once but didnt like the woman but have decided to try again literally this afternoon as I feel like unless I offload all of this its never going to get out of my head and will only become more of a washing machine.

None of what I have said helps much but just so you know you aren't alone. Sending you huge hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

My husband has suggested I go to counselling so will look into it when we are home. Thank you for your lovely and supportive post. This forum helps so much with the isolation I’m feeling xxx