Approved IVF funding but separating with my husband

[BettyBluey]

Hi there,

I've had approved funding for IVF on the NHS which has taken 5 years for me to get here. My husband and I are currently going through a separation so I was wondering if that will affect going ahead with the treatment. Perhaps I ask for a donor? If I can use a donor, can it be a friend who already has children? I do not have children and I was the one with the fertility issue, not my husband. I'm turning 39 soon so I need to decide quickly before my funding is no longer valid.

[Faith103]

Hey 👋

This happened to me, but luckily I found another partner 3 years later and had my miracle but we had to go private as I lost my NHS go with my ex.

As you said you feel time is not on your side this is how I felt because of my endometriosis, I would just go for a donor. Depends if your prepared to do it alone until someone comes along. You can’t use sperm from someone who already has children when NHS funding from what I’ve been told. Definitely something to double check.

Xxx

Good luck with what you decide

[BettyBluey in reply to Faith103]

Thank you for replying - I really appreciate it. I've not chosen a clinic yet so maybe I call them all and discuss with them all the best steps? xx

[Ivfgotadream]

It depends on the CCG for your area I believe? I’d check as most don’t have the same criteria for single women as it does a couple. Eg YOU have to have an identifiable cause of infertility and you have to do IUI first

[BettyBluey in reply to Ivfgotadream]

Thank you. How can I check anonymously? My CCG is Bristol, Somerset and South Gloucestershire x

[soccerkt6 in reply to BettyBluey]

Hi lovely

Here’s the page for fertility services offered in your CCG: bnssgccg.nhs.uk/individual-....

The Fertility Assessment Referral Form asks if “the couple have been in a stable relationship for two years or more”, so I’m not sure if that means that you wouldn’t normally be eligible if you’re single. But perhaps since your funding has already been approved they’ll let you go ahead with donor sperm?!

I think a frank conversation with your clinic is the only way to figure out for sure.

Good luck! xxx

[MakingbabyN]

I was asked regularly if my relationship status had changed throughout treatment and we were both asked to sign paperwork, show ID at key stages like transfer, EC etc, so I think you’d need to speak to your clinic and update them to come up with next steps xx

[BettyBluey in reply to MakingbabyN]

Thank you for replying - really appreciate it x

[IVFat40]

Hi hun, I went through IVF as a single woman. Unfortunately my understanding is that it's very unusual for single women to be eligible for NHS funded IVF, and I did do all of my treatment privately. That said I live in a different area/had a different CCG to you, so fingers crossed the situation in your area is different.

[AuroraXen]

Hi Lovely. I did my first two rounds of IVF solo (was separated from my husband temporarily- long story!) I wasn't eligible for any NHS support as a single patient 😣 (and when we reconciled and wanted to try ivf together I still wasn't eligible as I'd done private treatment previously! 🤦‍♀️) But as above, my impression was it is hard (if not impossible) to get NHS support if going solo 😢 I'm hoping others on here can cite some cases where it was possible though, as I know only too well how hard this is. Maybe you already having gained approval could count for something? Here if you need to talk xx

[Albs171]

I had a rocky patch mid treatment - and my NHS hospital switched me to egg freezing… then came back and did embryos later once settled. That might also be an option…

[Koala365]

Oh no! This is s*ds law isn't it after waiting for so long. I think you generally have to have been with your partner for 2 years as I understand it sadly. Is it a definite divorce situation or a separation to then review the position? How does he feel about the funding news? Is the situation such that the two of you could give things one more try and be willing to bring up a baby together whatever happens between you in the future? None of these questions are any of my business so I am not expecting you to actually respond to them. Depending on the circumstances of the split, I think in your shoes I might be trying to push forward with the IVF on the NHS with him anyway if I could possibly persuade him to give things one more go. That said I am not in your shoes and have no idea of the circumstances so this is just thoughts on a page really.

[Bellw]

I'd look into the reply from Albs171 above. When going through our treatment we did have an option to freeze instead of going straight away depending on circumstances and emotional stability at that point. If your partner would agree to go ahead with embryo freezing at least you may then be able to go back and use those at a later date.

If all else fails I do doubt the NHS will go ahead as you do have to both fully agree and sign documentation throughout treatment and be seen at certain appointments.

As our first go failed I have looked into private treatment and Salisbury fertility clinic is very reasonable in price if you are able to do that in the future.

Best wishes with everything xx

[Ivfgotadream in reply to Bellw]

I wouldn’t recommend embryo freezing at all in this situation. The previous poster froze eggs. Which is totally different. If you freeze embryos consent can be withdrawn by the “father” / husband at any time and then you will have gone through all of that for nothing. The clinic are not allowed to transfer an embryo without his consent. You can only proceed without his consent if he dies and/or is certified as mentally incapacitated.

[FMohammed]

Hi there,

Once your husband has provided his sperm and then you have separate you will need to get consent from your husband to use the frozen embryo which has been made using his sperm.

Hope that helps