Anyone want to hide?

[Judy18]

So it has been over a couple of weeks since we found out that there was an issue with out fertility. I thought i could carry on as if everything was fine. Power on through as that’s what i should do. It’s what strong women do! Ended up taking two days annual leave to come to terms and prepare myself for the next steps and the waiting for appointments! However, all i am feeling at the moment is the desire to hide! I am trying so hard to fight it. Managing work but working from home as much as possible (although I don’t know how long i can do this). I feel so vulnerable and just want to be home where i am safe. I don’t think people understand this which makes me feel like i should be stronger! I have support but the i think people don’t understand me wanting to hide. How do i get over this? Any advice would be great as I feel abnormal xx

[Tigr]

It is completely normal, don't worry and give yourself time. This is a lot to process and is not "just" an information you got there but it hits emotions and plans and makes us insecure and wanting to hide in a safe space. You did a big step already, you took initiative and got out of your safe space and reached out here! Councelling helps coming to terms with stuff and learning that quite a few of us are in a similar position, so you are not alone It is totally normal to grieve the fact that ttc is not as easy as we all once believed. There are good chances some treatment will work for you though if that is still the plan.

[Judy18 in reply to Tigr]

Thank you for saying this is normal. It really helps. I just hate feeling this way but finding it very hard at the moment. I do like having my plans so have been thrown by this! I suppose I haven’t spent time grieving yet so think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Thank you again and good luck on your journey too. Sending big hugs xx

[Tigr in reply to Judy18]

It took me nearly a year and too many drunk nights out and breakdowns (and feeling super isolated) until I realised that I am grieving and that this is absolutely necessary and there is no braving it out. Councelling was eye-opening for me. Big hugs! You will get through this 🌷

[emmab178]

Probably a good mix of emotions. I was so angry and felt some sort of guilt and pain. Something that seemed so natural and easy to everyone else was robbed from me.

All i can say is you need dark times to appreciate the good when it comes. At least now you are on the path where you will get the outcome you want. You just are going the long way round with a few more people involved than others do.

Alot of people have fertility issues and miscarriages. Just no-one talks about it openly. You are not alone even though it may seem like it at the moment.

Take the time at home if you need it, you are strong for recognising you need it x

[MissSaoPaulo]

I think this is totally understandable. We never got a concrete answer to why we couldn't conceive but after the first appt with the specialist he said we could go straight to IVF given my age and more than 3 years ttc. While this should have been good news it made me feel awful. I was very upset and weepy afterwards, I couldn't really say why, but I was like you, didn't feel like I could face anyone and invented a freelance project to get out of visiting the in-laws at the weekend. I wasn't going to the gym, didn't want to see anybody, making excuses to get out of meeting people...

I think I started to feel better when we took the leap and decided to do the IVF. It then became a concrete problem to solve - how the hell are we going to afford this?!?! (It was all private, so expensive, but also things moved quickly, which was positive) and that's something I could deal with on a practical level.

Sorry to give you the whole life story, but just wanted you to know it's not unusual to feel like that and it does pass, but you need time to get your head around it, so give yourself that time. Perhaps when you have a more concrete plan in place it will help you too, but for the moment just be kind to yourself. Good luck with it all and remember there is loads of support here when you need to offload xxx

[Vegemite]

Darling heart, you are normal! Hiding away, bunkering down is perfectly ok if it gets you through. I haven’t left the house this week. No one expects you to power though. TTC sucks monkey butts!!!!

I have no advice.... just my sincerest thoughts being sent your way!

[bextoliver]

Just wanted to say that you’re not alone in that feeling. It can be really sad and isolating going through this. This community is really great though and everyone’s here to root you on. Take the time you need to come to terms with things xx

[Judy18]

You are such a fab group! Thank you for making me feel “normal” (whatever that is). It is nice to know that there are people who understand. My husband has been amazing but he is the type of person that can put things to one side. We have another doctors appointment in 3 weeks and he said he will think about it on the day. He did say he was upset but wants to make sure i am ok!

I wish you all heaps of luck on your journeys and hope i will be able to be of some support to you all soon. Sending huge hugs and lots of love xx

[PurpleLove19]

This is all normal hun.

I hid- I went work for an hour broke down and my boss sent me home.

I went the docs and was signed off for 4 weeks. I hid. People came to see me on better days but I hid.

It was hard getting back into the work environment and socialising came slowly again.

8 months on and I’m still avoiding certain social/family circles. You see who’s there for you and know who the people are that make you feel at ease and even develop new friends.

Waiting for appointments and letters is the frustrating part. We are still waiting for a letter to confirm our funding for ICSI.

It’s a long road. So take some time out to get your head round it all. Slowly do things that make you happy and accept the bad days. I usually have one or two really bad days and then follow it up with a couple of good days.

Sending lots of love x

[Judy18]

Half of me would love to go and get signed off and take some time for this but the other half is scared it would be a slippery slope and then getting back to work etc would be harder than i am finding it now! I use to be really outgoing and thought nothing of being out and about. Now i am planning things to say to my friends so i have a get out clause if i need to go home! Also some sleep would be amazing! Can get to sleep but don’t stay asleep. Weird thing is i can sleep fine during the day (it’s like there is less pressure to be sleep). I am sure some normalcy will kick in at some point. Xx

[Bunnywoo]

oh no Judy18, sorry to hear you're struggling. But yes, these are very normal feelings. I was off work for a week when I heard the news that my AMH was so low, and the chances of OE IVF gave me a 5% success rate because I simply could not stop crying. The news completely flawed me. I cancelled all plans in those first 2 weeks, then gradually started seeing people again. One of my biggest upcoming events that I was terrified of was a hen do this weekend just gone, that had been organised by a really close friend who had just announced to me that she was pregnant. I wanted to completely cancel because i just didn't want to see her in case I cried, but it wouldn't have been fair to the hen, so I went along just for the day (I didn't do the evening out drinking or staying over) and it was actually really nice. But I did get home and have a big glass of prosecco to congratulate myself for not being a blubby mess when I saw her perfect little bump. My point is that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but don't put un needed pressure on yourself. News of infertility is heart breaking and you feel so alone. I have found this forum a huge help xx

[Judy18 in reply to Bunnywoo]

Thank you so much for sharing you experience. That must have been so hard. I do always feel that i have to be strong and cope with everything (no matter how much my friends and family say I don’t!) I am trying to be kinder to myself and ensure i have an exit plan (eg somewhere i have to be at a certain time) so if i find something hard i only have to be strong for a while. Thanks again to everyone. It has really helped and i feel like there are people that understand. Lots of love and hugs to all 💗 xx

[Judy18]

So more tests done and more ordered. All of this just to get referred! For some reason this afternoon has been hard. Struggling to sleep or think about anything else! How to people do this? We haven’t even properly started yet and i am already exhausted! Does it get easier? Just want to curl up and hide xx