Coping when everyone around you is pregnant

[kitscat]

Hi I was just wondering if anyone has any advice/tips on how to cope when all their friends are pregnant/getting pregnant? It’s so difficult! It’s like rubbing salt in a wound every time it’s discussed. How does everyone else cope?

[Franco81]

I’ve found I’m up and down with being able to cope with this or not. I’ve been through so many announcements and baby showers and it can be so painful.

I’ve just learnt to look after myself. I sometimes have had to distance myself to protect my heart and people who are real friends will understand. People who don’t appreciate how difficult it is are not worth it anyway. Unfortunately I’ve lost touch with some people throughout this journey but I’ve also been amazed to feel true friendships.

It’s ok to cry (I’ve lost count of the amount of complete meltdowns I’ve had) it’s good to feel the emotion and it doesn’t mean we’re horrible people to be sad for ourselves and also certainly doesn’t mean we wish anything bad for others.

Just be kind to yourself, explain to friends how excited you are for them but how hard it is for you and hopefully you will find support.

Good luck xxx

[kitscat in reply to Franco81]

Thanks for the reply!

Yes I think it’s the guilt of being sad that I’m struggling with. But I’m sad as I want it so bad myself. I genuinely happy for my friends, of course! Only one of my friends knows at the moment and she has just had a successful pregnancy test from her first IVF so this is amazing news and gives me lots of hope too!

Yes I’m finding I’m having to distance myself a little or at least try to control what I can. I’ve just turned off some WhatsApp notifications so I can decide when I look at messages. This stops me being disturbed and getting upset when I’m distracted and in the middle of enjoying something.

Best of luck to you xxx

[Hidden in reply to kitscat]

Point is you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them ill but sad for your own situation and I wish them all the best and explain I am glad for them but sad for myself and you find most people are very kind and understanding when you explain it to them.

[MaureenThompson]

I felt like a real horrible person, I was pregnant with twins and misscarried, a week after my husband's cousin and his wife announced they were preg with twins and I didnt know how to cope, but got through it all with a smile and congrats them with the family get togethers... Now we are doing IVF and its my 7th day of injections tomorrow I will have my firts sonar and I am really trying to be positive even though I feel so hormonal, my boobs have doubled in size and my tummy looks prego... And the headaches are bad... But I am going to be positive

[kitscat in reply to MaureenThompson]

Oh gosh I am so sorry Maureen. That sounds terrible for you! Did you conceive twins naturally?

I had massive boobs on the hormones too. It’ll all be worth it. Do they know why you miscarried? Is this your first cycle?

Staying positive is key. It will be our turn soon!!! 😁 xx

[MaureenThompson in reply to kitscat]

Yes they were conceived naturally, I had a giny that at firts said i am not pregnant and she gave me meds for cycst but she was wrong and I was pregnant and it was twins so at 8 weeks I had a misscarriage and I was so broken about it.... We are doing IVF coz I have problems with my tubes... and this is my firts round of IVF hoping and praying it works....

[ShadowRed]

Hi Kitscat, I totally understand how you feel. After many losses myself and still no happy ending I had to learn how to cope with other people’s happiness and sometimes it is so hard...

But as Franco81 said, true friends will understand if or when you need to take a step back and distance yourself for a while. Others won’t and in my opinion that makes it alright to letting them go all together - I had to make the decision to let go of a “best” friend of 13 years who could/would not understand why always talking about how tiring and stressful it is to be expecting their 3rd baby was not the right thing to complain to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Look after yourself emotionally honey (even if at times it seems a little selfish) that is the best coping advise I can give. Be strong!! xx

[kitscat in reply to ShadowRed]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes it sounds like your “best friend” was very insensitive and selfish. That kind of negativity you don’t need in your life. Are you having anymore treatment? What is your next plan? I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked out for you yet.

No one really knows about our struggles yet so I can’t expect them to be careful with what they say, it’s just that I have 4 close friends who have announced they are pregnant in the past 2months! It is that time of life I suppose. I just wish I could join in the fun and maternity with them 😔

I’m hoping and praying it’ll be my turn soon. I have sending luck your way too 😁 Xxx

[MaureenThompson in reply to kitscat]

Hoping and praying for you and that every thing will work out perfectly xxx

[ShadowRed in reply to kitscat]

Yeah, we are starting our second cycle of IVF soon so... 🤞🏼

Hopefully it will be your turn soon and you will be able to join them in this journey. Maybe them you can even get some free stuff that don’t need anymore and save some money... silver linings 😆

[kitscat in reply to ShadowRed]

Lol that is a good thought!! Best of luck in your second cycle! Are you going ICSI? X