TUGSGIRL: As most of you will know one... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

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As most of you will know one of our members here called “Tugsgirl” posted a message a few days ago which was reported for “abuse” as he/she felt they had come to the site for support around fertility issues “not dog stories”. I have found out that it was only one person that had objected! Usually, I see the “abuse” posts and deal with them as I deem appropriate. That day it was deleted by someone else who caused great upset both to Tugsgirl and many other members. I look at you all as being part of a huge family, and sometimes as we go through treatment cycles, we bring up issues we have with family, people at work and even pet problems, which is what families do. Unfortunately, I do not have the time to read every post, in fact I usually reply to the ones that only have a few responses or none at all, because I know you all support one another and would soon be in touch if you thought I could help you. I run a telephone Support Line and have emails to deal with too, working just 3 days a week. I was so sorry to read that she is leaving the site for now, so I hope she will come back soon, as you have only got to look at lots of previous posts to see that she is always one of the first to prop us up and offer advice, even when she is suffering herself. She is one tough cookie, but can crumble just like the rest of us at any time, having been through so much herself. She even supported me when my own daughter died last year, which I shall always thank her for. Can we just all go back and put all this behind us now. Remember to put a warning if test sticks, scans, new babies and dogs are mentioned, so those who do not want to look, can skip that post. “Come back Tugsgirl” as the Americans would say, “We’re missing you already”! Love to all. Diane xx

45 Replies

Hear, hear Diane....very well said!! Appreciate all that you do for us all! Im so sorry to learn about the loss of your daughter, love to you too!xx

That's so nice of you to say Diane.

She really missed already and I hope she will soon be back so we can support her in all matters as she has supported us.

I'm also very sorry for the loss of your daughter, I can't imagine how that must feel.


Hi Diane, I’m sorry to hear this. Tugsgirl is one of the most supportive people on a forum and I’m really sad to see her leaving the site. I can’t even imagine how she must have felt when her post was reported as abusive after she gave so much heart to support us all. I’m also terribly sorry that you have lost your daughter last year. X

I’m not on here as much as I used to be so often miss things, I didn’t realise any of this has happened. How very sad. Tugsgirl is a very valued member of this community. She gives advice to everyone, even when she doesn’t have advice I’ve seen her comment wishing the poster luck in finding an answer to their query.

As you say Diane this community is like one big family, we discuss everything because we feel this is a safe place and we value support from others and it’s nice to sometimes discuss something other than fertility, especially when you’ve been on this site for so long and have made so many friends who are genuinely interested in things going on in your life.

I feel really sad that someone felt the post had to be reported.

Really hope she comes back soon. Xxx

I second everyone else here. Tugsgirl was always one of the first to reply me, always so sweet and positive. I hope she will come back soon. I miss her already.

(I'm also very sorry for the loss of your daughter)

Lovely message Diane. Really hope she feels she can come back and benefit from the support that she’s always given to others. xx


What a lovely post and the sentiments are shared by many including myself. Tugsgirl would always give support to everyone and it seems a shame that we have not been able to do that for her in her time of need. For many people going through IVF (and not) pets are a huge part of their family.

I hope you come back Tugsgirl. Xxxx

Hi Diane.

Like everyone else, i too hope Tugsgirl returns to our community. She has been an amazing support to all. I hope she has some support in some way, shape or form. If one read her background/previous posts then one would know the journey she has been on and have related to her recent post. I hope and pray she will be ok.

Diane, i am really sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is lovely to be able to message you if and when we need advice we are so grateful for this. You are helping so many of us.

Finally, thank you to all the lovely ladies on here too. We wouldnt be where we are without the support from each other.

Big hugs and good luck in your journeys whatever stage you are at, by the grace of God, it will happen xxx

Hi Diane

I don’t know what’s happened but as everyone says Tugsgirl is a valued member on her and I hope she comes back soon to let us support her and her support us.

I’m so sorry you lost your daughter and I’m sending massive hugs to you xxxx

awww Diane that is a perfect post. .I was at upset as I know how upset Tugsgirl was and that one person should maybe just ignore future post instead as this kind of behaviour can cause such upset..we all appreciate what you do so so much. .maybe we don' say it enough so a HUGE thank you from me..I was so sorry also to read of your daughter.my heart breaks for you ..grief never leaves us...thanks again and hopefully we can all move on from this. .much love xx

Oh no, Tugsgirl, don’t go!!

I love this site, as some of the forum friends (as hubby refers you all as) have been there for me more than people who are long term friends and have been through similar.

Thanks as always Diane x

Well said Diane. So sorry for your loss last year. Vickie - you have done nothing wrong love. You are such a wonderful, supportive woman, I hope you come back and I also hope that you get your miracle soon xxx

Come back Tugsgirl! I didn’t see the message posted but know that we got a dog to help us through this journey. As honestly wouldn’t be as strong with my little squishy and I see him as part of my journey and support around me. Tugsgirl has always offered so much support and I hope she comes back so we can help her achieve this dream we all have x x

What a lovely message Diane and I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, cannot imagine the pain you have gone through.

The lovely people on this message board and your good self have gotten me through some incredibly difficult times recently , I seriously don't know how I would have coped without the support I get on here. I feel desperately sorry that tugsgirl has left, this should be a safe haven for us all and really hope that in time she changes her mind. Xxx

Thank you for posting this Diane. Xx

Oh no. I hope she comes back soon :( she has always been so supportive on this forum! I miss her already...

Also sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter :(. Thanks for your support despite the hard time you have been going through


Sorry for your loss Diane. Love you have posted this for Tugs girl. thanks Diane xxx


That’s really not nice for the person to have suggested that at all

tugs is a trooper all through and through.

Diane sorry for your loss x

Aw Tugsgirl, I love how we all feel your loss so much that you have your own post with so many responses saying that we miss you.

When you are ready please come back to us as it really isn’t the same without you.

Thank you for this Diane and for being so brave to share your loss with us.


I miss tugsgirl already too!! She’s one very brave soul raising awareness of infertility and loss whilst battling with her own issues. She’s an incredible support to lots of people here and it’s incredibly sad that the same wasn’t shared back to her. We all have bad days but we control our response to them.

Diane I am so sorry for your loss last year. You are incredible how you can work here and support others. Xx

So sorry for your loss Diane xo Please don't let 1 persons opinion make you leave the forum tugsgirl,nothing you said was offensive in any way xox

Sorry to read tugsgirl has left like everyone says she always replied to posts with kind advice or just best wishes.

It’s a shame when she needed comfort someone was mean and deleting other people’s posts not nice!


Hi. Thank you Diane for showing your support to all of us on here and this particular post. Sorry for your loss.

I replied to the post in question and it was nice to give support about something not directly IVF related. I think the added stress of her situation would add to her already stressed fertility problems therefore I think it is appropriate to discuss such problems like you say with a banner for those that don't want to read. I'm pretty sure it did have one.

Anyway I hope she comes back soon and we can continue to support each other.

So pleased to see this post Diane, I was so sorry for Tugsgirl when she posted yesterday - since I joined this forum just over a year ago she has been such a support & I see how she supports everyone even when she is going through tough times!! I really hope she comes back!!

So sorry to hear of your loss Diane, and as the others have said I’m so grateful for your support!! xx

Thank you doesn’t seem enough really but thank you. And thank you to all the other ladies too. You are all warriors ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hidden in reply to Tugsgirl

I genuinely hope the dog is ok. The medicine I gave my cats was prokolin incase you didn't see my reply - the vet recommended it, you can get it on the net.

Tugsgirl in reply to Hidden

That’s what she’s on! Must be good stuff? xx

Well hear hear and amen sister! Well said Diane.

Diane I’m sorry for your loss ❤️💜

As everyone else has said she is so supportive of everyone even if she’s not sure what to say she will send well wishes. She is strong, brave and so courageous, she keeps going and I truly hope that this may not be the end. I will always remember she was one of the first to support me when I joined this forum and I often feel that this is my second family.

I know I can share pretty much anything and it not be taken offence to or thought of as too silly.

We are a group of strong women who are all going through our own individual battles and yet we still manage to come together and support each other through the good and the awful and for stumbling on this forum I will always be grateful.

So let’s remember to raise each other higher rather than send each other crashing down.



Such kind words form you, as ever, Diane. You perfectly expressed what we were all thinking.

Fantastic you are back Tugsgirl.

Diane - I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I am sure she was a lovely kind person just like you and I can't imagine how you feel.

I hope that we can all provide some small comfort to you, as you have provided to us all over the years. xx

Oh Diane. I'm really sorry to hear about for your loss.

Thanks for your constant support, and for replying to all our questions.

Tugsgirl, I hope you'll come back soon. You're a wonderful person, and we're all going to miss your support in here. Best of luck!

This is a lovely post Diane.

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss last year. Sending you gentle hugs, as you have done for me on many an occasion xx

Hi Diane

So sorry to hear about your loss.

What a lovely post this is, well said.

This is a good opportunity to thank you for the great job you do here. Xx

Thank you for such a lovely comment for Tugsgirl. Definitely what has brought her back.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Big hugs hugs to you xxx

So very sorry for your loss, Diane. You are such a kind, brave and supportive lady.

Tugsgirl was the first person to reply to me on this site when I joined last year in a haze of grief and despair and I will always be so grateful for that. Even in her darkest hour she always found the strength to support others and I think she is bloody wonderful! Xx

Very very sorry for your loss. How awful for you xx

Thats a lovely post. Thanks so much for your support Diane. x

Thank you for this post Diane 😊 👌 And thank you for all the support you give us all ❤️ Xxx

Shocking we all support each other and I’m glad she is back on here we all love tugsgirl xxx

Tugsgirl is one of the most supportive people on here. It’s really upsetting that someone has been horrible to her. 😩 come back tugsgirl 💗

Hidden in reply to romaluna2015

I agree 💯 And we have all posted things non fertility related for support. It upsets me too someone could do something so unkind xoxo

I'm so sorry to read about your loss Diane ❤

A lovely message I'm support of Tugsgirl,really glad you helped to bring her back xx

So sorry for your loss Diane 💕

Thanks for all your support Tugsgirl, and I hope you return to the group xx


I'm so sorry for your loss. You're amazing to still support everyone else while going through your own heartache. Thank you xx

What a lovely response. Diane can l pm you pls?

DianeArnoldAdministrator in reply to Elynn

Hi. Of course you can, anytime. Diane

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