Who have I become??

[vic77]

So after our miscarriage 4 weeks ago and surgical management we finally got the remains of our baby back last week and my husband and I were finally able to say goodbye to our baby in the personal and private way we wanted. Sadly for us our treatment of our miscarriage on the nhs was anything but caring and compassionate and it has taken me till now to revisit the whole nightmare by writing to the complaints mananger at our hospital. What will happen I don’t know but what I am looking for is someone to listen to my views and how me and my husband were made to feel in the hope that protocols and procedures can be changed to support couples at this awful time. I know this is not everyone’s experience and hopefully we were just unlucky. So while I was on it as agreed in a thread a few weeks ago I also write to itv tonight to complain about how ivf was portrayed on the show..this time next year...I feel so strongly about raising awareness of ivf and now sadly miscarriage so that people can be supported with the care and compassion they deserve. I just want anyone going through this awful journey to be treated with the respect and understanding they deserve. Ok rant over..my full email to itv is pasted into that post for those interested. Love to you all xxxx

[Franco81]

I’m so sorry for all you have been through and the journey you are still on, but thank you for standing up and writing to itv and the nhs to fight for us all. You are such a strong lady.

Xx

[Franco81 in reply to Franco81]

Oh and which post was the email on? X

[vic77 in reply to Franco81]

it was this one

healthunlocked.com/fertilit...

thanks for your message. .I am on a mission but feel so sad that I have to be😢xx

[Franco81 in reply to vic77]

Ah I can totally understand that, this is so horrendously unfair but focussing your energy in such a positive way is truly admirable.

Take care of yourself xxx

[katya38]

Aww vic so sorry uv had to gothrough this u are so strong. Its very true ivf is portrayed very badly on tv in general but that program me is especially bad and gives a very naive and unrealistic portrayl. The reality of ivf needs to be clear not that its a fast track solution. Im sure there will be couples who didnt get their baby in the year but they obv dont show that!!!! Its a bit like ad option people are so naive about it. Take care xxx

[vic77]

thanks hun.just makes me so mad 😡not long for you now I hope xxxx

[katya38 in reply to vic77]

Thanks vic. Got her linking meeting on wed so should get a timescale hopefully xx

[vic77 in reply to katya38]

Ohhh so exciting..please keep me posted and good luck xxx

[katya38 in reply to vic77]

Thanks vic cx

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Proud of you lovely, I was always so overwhelmed with everything that I just accepted how things were at hospital. Do you know after my first loss the midwives came, banging on my mums door months later really worried about me because I hadnt turned up to appointments, well I lost my baby at 13 weeks and it was confirmed at hospital as I caught bubu and took them straight their. I was so glad I wasn't there when they came. There really isn't enough being done at all. Iv only ever, been handed a leaflet of miscarriage association once and that was my first loss too, nothing on the other 5. It's unfair we have to sit with happy family's while going through torture and good on you regards itv hun it is really ridiculous. Big hugs lovely and lots and lots of love.

💝💝😘😘💝💝

[vic77 in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

my experiences sound similar to yours..it is totally unacceptable..not an easy letter to write to nhs as was reliving it all..but don't want anyone else to go through that..I know nhs is stretched but I feel so passionate about this now and I want to give them feedback not criticism really..thanks hun xx

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to vic77]

Your very brave hun and your passion is a good thing your being selfless in such a difficult time which I must take my 👒off too. One thing I will say please do try give yourself relaxation time hun, as what your going through now and the mission your on, I can relate too very much. I was like this when I lost my father in very unusual circumstances. I didn't sleep and you can imagine the rest, just remember to take care of you while your on your mission my lovely. Big squeeze and lots of love to you 😘💝😘💝😘💝

[vic77 in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thank you xx

[Hidden]

I’m really sorry for your loss but I feel so proud of you that you are speaking out for others facing similar situation; I did this at EPU and now they have separate waiting room for those who receive tragic news. It’s only by raising the issue and talking about that will make things change. For me I felt like I have saved another couple the going through our experience; we had a young girl boasting how she’s the baby’s heartbeat and we’d just been told ours was not there 😭 Good on you for speaking out it might help another couple 👍it’s only early days so don’t go expecting too much from yourself; one day at a time my love. We are all here for you ❤️❤️❤️ xoxo

[vic77 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Hun..I really think that’s all I want is someone to listen and try to be a bit more empathic to women in our situation..well done you too..practice rightly changed cause of you xx

[72cloud9]

Well done!! Nothing will change if no one speaks up! U should feel very proud that I found the strength to do this while going thru your own grief x

[vic77 in reply to 72cloud9]

Not easy but relieved it is done tbh xxx

[Autumnmoon]

I'm glad you were able to write about your experience and also to ITV that was so brave and I hope it helped a little to feel that you did something positive it is only when people put their views in writing that these things can be reviewed debated and hopefully change can happen.I'm so sorry though that you didn't get the care and compassion you should have had I find it difficult to understand that anyone caring for a lady through any kind of baby loss would not have empathy and understanding of the horror involved. Wishing you peace hope and love as you move forward x

[vic77 in reply to Autumnmoon]

Thanks Hun...I am only trying to raise awareness for us all xxx

[7AVA]

Well done Vic. In answer to your question, you have become a brave, strong person and I while I wish you weren’t having to go through this, I admire how you are confronting this and challenging what is unacceptable treatment. After my miscarriage the basic gist of my treatment was that it was quite common and I just needed to go and try again. Six months later I finally got some counselling but I should have been offered it straight away. I really hope your letter to the NHS is treated with the concern and care which you felt was lacking in the first place. Xxx

[Dreamingofbaby]

U are amazing hun to do all this, even with experiencing such heart ache urself. Good for u! Ur experience and compassion will be so appreciated by lots of others and hopefully help change the system. Nice one u. Take good care xx

[Hidden]

Thank you so much for raising awareness around miscarriage Vic, I'm sure so many of us that have been through losses really appreciate it. I'm so sorry that your NHS experience was bad & hope changes to how people suffering miscarriages are treated will take place down the line. I also agree that the perception of IVF that we see on TV needs addressing... It makes IVF look easy which is totally unacceptable. They should show the stress, disappointment & heart ache involved with IVF instead of portraying it as an easy answer to all our prayers. Sending you much love xx

[Dunla]

Hi there. I’ve been away from here for a few months. I’m so sorry to read about what you’ve been going through. I’m so sorry for you and your husband’s loss. Sending you much love at this incredibly difficult time. Thinking of you xxx

[baby2016]

Well done you Vick, I hope you get a response from the hospital and from ITV. I feel very strongly about that programme too, and I'm sure you will not be the only one who has aired their views.

Hope your coping ok lovely 😘xx

[emu2016]

Sending you so much 🥦 🥦🥦🥦. #IVFWarriors like you are what keep us all going x

[vic77 in reply to emu2016]

loving the broccoli 😜🥦🥦🥦xxx

[Mifkipi]

You are such a brave woman. Thank you for raising awareness and speaking up for us. No one will ever understand our pain until you have been through it all. This is so beautifully done and I wish you all the best. Thinking of you x

[Hidden]

Good for you for making a stand. Now is probably a great time to do it whilst your emotions are still raw, though I'm sure it's the last thing you feel like doing. You're right, awareness does need to be raised and people shouldn't be misled to believe that ivf is an easy option with guaranteed baby at the end of it. Sadly, that isn't the reality for a lot of people. I hope the hospital take responsibility for the poor care you received. You're very brave. Thinking of you xx

[ashley1906]

So sorry for your loss and everything you have had to go through. To top it up the lack of care and compassion to add to that. I’m glad to hear your standing up to them . I too had two awful cycles at the nhs and reallly fee it contributed to the failed outcome.

Iv said it so many time to health care professionals and my Gp it’s such a Shame they are given the funding to treat patients like our selfs but they give you the worst possible odds of things working as they will not treat you as in individual. It’s such a waste of resources and definitely needs looking at. I too tried to complain but to be honest I’m so drained and broken through this experience so far I didn’t take it any further.

Please do let us know how you get on with itv.

All the best Hun x

[vic77]

so sorry to hear of your experiences. we had two unsuccessful cycles at nhs too and were treated just as a number our private experience has been soooooo much better. i wished we had just gone private all the way now apart from cost..mind you we still have empty arms. got a response from itv and posted it here. .not great to be honest xxx

healthunlocked.com/fertilit...

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I didn’t feel well treated by the nhs after my first miscarriage either, and there was some poor practice around the second too. I also complained. I think it’s only by complaining that things will ever get better. Well done.

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

It's awful isn't it. Good on you for complaining too.

I was thinking of you yesterday how are you getting on hun?

💝😘💝

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

I’m ok thanks. Less worried but still sick and tired!!

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Makes you feel miserable doesn't it. Iv had a, bad day today.

💝😘💝

[satashajones]

hello hun. how are you? hope you're fine. I cannot believe. this is so hurting. yes surely. people going through such procedures should be treated with care. I feel so sad. I feel for you. you are doing a right thing to complain about it. I am with you in this. take care. keep it up. hope the best happens for you. stay strong. bye.

[JenniferPadgett]

Hey there vic! I am sorry you went through all this. But it is not everyday that you see someone being so strong about such things. I think it is a reality that whatever doesn't break you, makes you stronger. Surely, what you have been through is a lot. Bt it made you stronger. Now you raising your voice will help many. It is a bold step that you wanna spread awareness about ivf and miscarriage. For many it is hard to even talk about it. More power to you. I totally back you in this. I am sure many others will do so too. Some one has to come forward for things to start changing. And things will change. You just have to give them time. You have become a leader.

[vic77 in reply to JenniferPadgett]

thanks so much hun..not sure about a leader😯just someone with lived experience who wants to raise awareness xxx