Miscarriage after IVF - coming to (what would have been) due date

[Wren17]

Hello,

I'm really sorry to be all doom and gloom - I've only just joined as had tried avoiding any forums etc but am struggling at the moment and was wondering if anyone could offer any advice.

We had our first round of IVF (well, ICSI) in August at Shrewsbury and could not believe it when we had a positive result. I will never ever forget that feeling! Unfortunately things 'werent meant to be' and I started bleeding at 6weeks - I will certainly never ever forget that feeling either, still breaks my heart.

I know it was an early miscarriage and I was probably silly to get ahead of myself and excited, but it is approaching what would have been around my due date and I am struggling. I don't know about any body else but before all this people could always tell when Id been crying, but now I seem to be good at hiding tears.

Time really is a healer but I can feel myself slipping back to how I felt at the time and just want to curl up and hide...that is not normally like me at all.

Does anyone have any tips or advice or been through similar? Thank you xx

[Hidden]

Hi Hun, I don't really have any tips but am sending you hugs. I don't think you were silly to get ahead of yourself when you got your BFP. I was told for years I'd never concieve naturally but did twice ... Sadly they both ended in miscarriages but as soon as I got the BFP's I thought it was the answer to my prayers. Even with early miscarriages all our dreams & plans for the future are snatched away & its bloody hard. Just be kind to yourself & if you want to cry then cry. Don't ever be embarrassed, afraid etc to grieve xx

[Wren17 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm sending them right back to you too. My sister has just phoned (I tried sounding normal but she could tell there was wobble in my voice) and said exactly the same thing. Thanks again for your lovely message xx

[Penders]

Oh Hun I really feel for you. An early loss is still a loss and I'm sure we have all looked at when we are due the moment we get our bfps. I had my first IVF in August and got a BFP unfortunately that ended in a missed miscarriage. I had foolishly counted on 9 months and worked it out to be the end of May, which is quickly approaching! My hairdresser is due around the time I would have been and it's upsetting! I then had a fet in January and again it was a missed miscarriage it didn't stop me from thinking about when we would have been due. You are bound to be upset I know my emotions have kicked in recently and I've had a few tears. I don't have advice on how to get through it I'm afraid but you are not alone in feeling this way. Much love to you xxxx

[Wren17 in reply to Penders]

Thank you so much for your lovely words and am so sorry to hear everything you've been through. Can completely understand about your hairdresser, it's so hard - you are happy for others, but at same time sad for yourself. We hardly told anyone about it all (at time of IVF and miscarriage) and can never decide if that was good or bad idea - think it helps putting on brave face for those that don't know anything, cause if I'm having teary day around people that know they only have to ask if I'm ok and that can be really hard.

I think one of my problems is that I do put brave face on and keep it inside but then something will happen (like noticing the date this morning!) and the flood gates open!

I really hope things work out for you too, sending lots of love now and at end of May xx

[Lou7744]

Hey there, I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I also had my ivf at Shrewsbury in July and like you got a positive. I sadly miscarried at 11 weeks.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my loss, however I’ve found that now my due date has passed, it’s a little easier.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are only human at the end of the day. This ivf malarkey is sure tough stuff and tests the most resilient person!

Sending you big hugs 💕 xx

[Wren17 in reply to Lou7744]

Thank you for your lovely message. Sending big hugs and lots of love your way too, IVF malarkey certainly does take you on a roller coaster of emotions xx

[Sammy18]

I don't really have any tips, but know your not alone. We lost our bean at six weeks (would have been due this Feb) instead I was waking up injecting instead of feeding my baby (there was a lot of drama having the injections with that thought lol). My OH says he sometimes looks at me and can just see sadness in my eyes but that's when I am thinking about it. I remember the moment I climbed into my car and felt huge pain in my wrist, felt like a double palse I latter found out it was the 💓 (still breaks my heart writing it haha). I don't know if it gets any easier especially with having bfn on ivf. But it's easier to know that there is a lot of advice from people and easier said than done but do what you can to reduce stress, i have learnt this is one of the worse for us struggling but also hard to refuse in everyday life. Good luck xxx

[Wren17 in reply to Sammy18]

Thank you, like I said I avoided forums etc up to now as didn't want to read/know too much about what would be happening, but I really have found it comforting just reading messages of support like yours from others in same boat. I know exactly what you mean about your OH, I can tell when my husband sees the same in me and that's upsetting as know he'd do anything to take pain away if he could. Thanks again for your lovely message, sending lots of love and good luck wishes to you xxxx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a loss early at 4.5 weeks after six years of TTC ( after endometriosis was found and treated not an easy conception ☹️) and I was truly heartbroken by it ( still am)

It doesn’t matter if it was early a loss is a loss. People said to me in my day we wouldn’t have known ! Not helpful!

After fighting infertility makes it that much more difficult because it was such a wanted baby😭

I dreaded my due date ( 5th April ) and it was a difficult day ( I won’t lie) I cried and cried. It was good because I needed to do that. Luckily I wasn’t working as it was Easter holidays ( I work at a school).

I think since the due date it has got easier as I’m no longer in the “ pregnancy time frame” always knew I’d be how many weeks I would’ve been sigh..

I will always remember the one we lost but I am feeling more positive and happy about our future and knowing we can conceive still feels like massive progress; we never thought we could!

I guess what I am trying to say is this will get better ; in time. In between it’s ok to feel sad about it.

You will find the strength to carry on this will pass 😊 I wish you all the best with it all xoxo

[Wren17 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for such a lovely message. I'm hoping I'll feel the same once the date has passed as you do think of everything in the timeframe like you said. Good luck to you with everything going forward too xxxx

[Stepharni]

It's a really tough time and I am sorry you're going through this. I've been there, to rub salt in the wound my bf was due simar time and still when I see her baby now I'm reminded of what could have been mine...it's the hardest thing I've had to endure but I am sure it's made me stronger. Treatments since have been tough going but somehow I feel more mentally capable and able to take it all a bit more in my stride. It's still heart wrenching all the anguish but I'm prepared. You will be too and somehow you'll find the strength from inside when you're ready. Grieve when you need to xx

[Wren17 in reply to Stepharni]

Oh gosh it must be so hard for you with your best friends baby, and know exactly what you mean I think I'm a heck of a lot stronger as a person now and even though was very calm/strong first time I somehow think I'll be better prepared having treatment again. Good luck for anything you have to go through in the future, thank you so much for replying - it really does mean a lot xx

[Music1]

I've experienced the same. After having 3 rounds of ivf I finally got a BFP and I was over the moon and totally got ahead of myself - even buying a few baby things and thinking about names, due dates everything. After struggling so much ttc over the years I thought it was the answer to my/ our prayers. I had a bleed that just got heavier and heavier around wk 6/7. I called the clinic and they dismissed it and said "everyone has a slight bleed it's normal". After going to the EPU at the hospital my dreams were shattered. I had to sit in a chair near the maternity unit watching all these babies get pushed past with their parents. Crushed, devastated doesn't even cover it. Came out a week before Christmas knowing it was over. When I went back to the clinic to confirm with bloods falling I was told "everyone thinks getting pregnant is hard, but actually staying pregnant is hard". I cried for weeks and still shed a tear every so often as a friend who had their transfer on the same day ended up with a baby. Every year I think how lucky she is that she's celebrating her childs birthday and I still have nothing. I don't have any advice. It's crushing when this happens and you're told that you're too old and poss never going to have a child of your own etc. Time does heal a little but I still have times I hide myself away, cry and keep myself to myself. I keep telling myself that something will happen - either the frozen transfer will work, or we will adopt but we've been trying for 7 years and still nothing. Huge hugs. Please look after yourself. What you're feeling is completely normal. x