Just wanted a little rant! Since our two failed ICSI cycles I have been emotional eating for England so thought it was about time I got back on the healthy wagon to prepare myself for round 3 in a few months.
So, I joined Slimming World last night not even dreaming that it would be full of pregnant women!! The SW consultant running the group is pregnant and as she was going round the room taking to everyone there was another girl who is also pregnant, due 4 days after her so they had a lovely chat about that to the group. Then there was another lady due in a few weeks who promised to bring her baby in once it was born.
I know I’m sensitive and they did absolutely nothing wrong, it just feels like when I push myself to take a positive step forward I have to battle through my emotions and put on a constant brave face. It’s so tiring!
I got home and told my husband and his response was “it’s ok for other people to be pregnant, as long as we believe it will be our turn soon”. I know he’s right but I don’t feel like it will ever be our turn, that dream is feeling further and further away, I honestly can’t even picture it any more.
Would any of you find this situation difficult? I’ve considered going to a different group but I’ve joined with a friend and I’m not sure she’d really understand my reasons for changing.
Infertility has so many unexpected hurdles doesn’t it! Xx
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Franco81
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I know how you feel - once you start the journey it seems that everyone and their granny are pregnant!!! What we don't know though is if they had trouble conceiving, or miscarriage etc. We may not ever know! Your husband is right - all you can do is focus on your journey and forget about everyone else's. You've joined SW to lose weight to get your body ready for round 3 - concentrate on that and that alone. Good luck xx
You’re so right, we have no idea of anyone else’s journey just looking from the outside. I’m doing pretty well focussing on us and getting my head in gear, just sometimes it takes me by surprise! X
That's all you can do - I would get myself into a right state sometimes when I found out someone was pregnant but then my husband pointed out that we haven't told anyone about our journey so we have to assume that other people want to keep their journey personal to them too! Once I started thinking like that it became easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong - there are still days that I want to shut the world out and just cry but those days are less and less now. x
Thank you, it helps just to know I’m not the only one who struggles in these situations. No one there would have known how I was feeling but I guess we get good at hiding it until we’re home and able to let it all out! X
I would definitely find this hard, it’s tough because it’s like our radar is heightened to pregnant women or babies - I’m sure since I started this journey I actually attract them! 🤦♀️ I know it’s tough but try and focus on why your going and that’s to get in the best shape possible for your next cycle, good luck xx
Ah thank you, it’s true that our radar is on overdrive so we notice pregnancies everywhere although some days more than others I find.
It’s nice to know I’m not just completely mad, I tried to ignore it at first then when the whole room was talking about it I could really feel myself fighting the emotions. It’s no ones fault but this whole awful battle we’re all fighting is so tiring sometimes.
Oh no!! Sorry to hear that. So tough isn't it and I almost begrudge myself for finding it so hard to be happy for people! I've not done SW before but I have done WW and I know that you aren't allowed to do it when pregnant so it may be an "easier" class to attend to avoid all those bumps.
Good luck with everything. Weight loss can be hard enough in itself 🙈 ! Xxx
Ah thank you, that’s a good idea. I really try to be happy for other people but it just reminds me of a world that feels so far out of reach! I hate myself for the way I feel but I can’t seem to stop it xx
I have this all the time at work, I am a recovery nurse in theatre so I recover women after caesareans, tear repair retained placenta etc.
I have to put the happy face on about the new little bundle of joy they have just delivered. It's really really tough, I try to tell myself it will be my turn soon and to be able to be a part of that tiny person coming into the world is a massive privilege, but as you say some days are harder than others and I feel like I will never get there!
Joining slimming world is great though, it's hard but try focus on that and why you're there and hopefully before you know it it will be you sporting that coveted baby bump x
Oh wow that does sound tough, to deal with it every day. Do you find it tiring some days? I find I can’t cope sometimes but if I’m caught off guard or having a hormonal day I find it really really tough!
Very, I suppose it's all part of being a professional. But if I'm honest it would be nice to be a woman sometimes instead, some days I come home and just cry.
There is the other side of it too, seeing erpc's or ectopics or even shoulder distortion where they can't save the baby. It all has me broken at times.
The job is tough to start with, but my usual composure seems to be shaken since our miscarriages.
But sometimes it helps to have to put that face on and smile, I find at the beginning of the day I have to force it but by the time I have a bit chat with my patients I can smile again for real.
Why on Earth are pregnant women at slimming world, that’s not what I would have expected, no wonder you were shocked. But they might have got their pregnancy talk out of their system now so I’d give it at least one more go. It’s got to be motivating to be there with a friend at least.
Yes yes yes!!! I'd definitely find this difficult. Infertility sucks and losing weight sucks. Husbands mean well, but I really don't think they have the same urge to get pregnant &have children as we do. Plus they can compartmentalize their feelings & not let them crossover -i really can't!!! Your friend will help you through the weight loss but if it gets too much you can say that you don't click with the leader or can't make that night &change classes! Xx
Me too, we really shouldn't but sometimes we need to protect ourselves . 😍 xx
Urgh i had this after my second failed ICSI. Had 2 beautiful embryos put back in and 2 weeks later BFN. I cried alot. DH took me for a meal in the afternoon to cheer me up and a woman with 2 newborn twins in a double pram ended up sat next to me. Made me feel even worse!!! Then on the way out there was another couple with twins!! Felt like punching a wall!!! Then 2 girls announced they were preggers in my office. Not to mention celebs older than me having babies. Im like wtf?!!! It best come our turn soon i mean it! Xxx
Oh god I’m sorry to hear this. I really do wonder if the universe is being cruel sending us these things to test us even further or whether we’re just more likely to notice now? Either way it’s bloody unfair!!
Yes you too. I pray for the day i can tell the world its worked and my OH is finally a dad! Its heartbreaking as all his mates are fathers but they have no idea he has zero sperm count. All we keep getting asked is "are you having any"? Grrr haha x
I had this when I joined my gym as something for ‘me’ when my last round of ivf didn’t work. At my first yoga class, the instructor was pregnant along with a pregnant class member! It’s frustrating when you’re trying to do something to make you feel better. Luckily for me, that instructor has now gone off on maternity leave! Good luck with it when you go again, I hope it’s easier the second time. Xxx
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