Help

[Boo718]

How do you get over the jealousy. 😢 my friend is in labour at the moment and I am sooo happy for her, I really am but I’m so jealous and upset it’s not me. She fell pregnant around the same time as one of our ivfs so if it had worked our baby would be due now too. It’s so unfair. I want to see her and the baby when it’s born but I think I’ll just burst in to tears. I need to get over this!

[LCharlton]

It really hurts, it's totally understandable that you feel that way! You might need some time to yourself to have a good cry and talk to your husband or a family member about this - you need to make space to experience your sad feelings and work through them so that they don't burst out when you're actually with your friend and want to be supportive. It's so hard xx

[Greyeverything]

You don’t need to get over anything. What you are feeling is normal and understandable and I think the majority of us on here can relate. Don’t be hard on yourself. I have often felt like the worst person ever for feeling exactly how you are feeling right now but you aren’t a bad person you are human.

Personally I have found that being involved in people’s pregnancies and babies has helped more than distancing myself but you need to decide what is best for you.

Does your friend know the situation? If she does and she is a good friend she will understand if it’s a bit tough for you. If she doesn’t know and she is a good friend maybe tell her, I’m sure she will understand.

Look after yourself, allow yourself some time to be upset if you need to.

You got this 💪🏻

[helsbels_2016 in reply to Greyeverything]

Amazing advice 👌🏻

[Leesara]

Ohhhh Boo718, that’s so so tough, sorry. Always easier said than done, but it’s ok to be sad and feel sad. Maybe think about taking a couple of days out to process how you are feeling. Thinking of you xx

[Ttcbabymcg]

Hey darling, “jealousy” isn’t a bad feeling. You are only “jealous” of people who have what you so desperately want! It will take time, but this feeling will subside...... something else will happen, it’s just v v v raw at the moment! Look after yourself, and pamper yourself. ❤️❤️

[Italy300618]

Hi my lovely, gosh I could have written this myself. I can totally relate to your feelings. My best friend is due in a week or so and I'm terrified of how I am going to be. This is her second, and told me she was expecting as my first round started and now after 2 failed cycles I'm not even close. There was me thinking we would be off on maternity together....

We have really drifted, and its such a shame. I plucked up the courage to go and buy a present for her ready for the birth, but like you I'm scared of bursting into tears when I see her and her new baby.

All I can say is that if shes your friend she will totally understand if you take your time in visiting, protect yourself and go when you are ready. Here if you want to message or talk. I think I will have to put my big girl pants on and even if it means coming home and crying to my husband I will xx

[CBOO1]

I know this one so much! One of my friends told me she was pregnant just after our first cycle failed & then she had her baby 3 days before we found out our second cycle had failed so not only did I have the reminder that the babies I would of had would of been born then, we also had to come to terms with losing a second 2 at the same time. It’s rubbish & all I can say is what you’re feeling I think is normal! It’s certainly normal for me anyway, every time! I haven’t seen her or her baby yet & she was born in November. Nor have I seen my friend who had twins (naturally) in the summer last year having told me she was pregnant in our first 2WW. I just can’t do it. Whether that’s the right thing to do or not I’m not sure, all I know is it doesn’t make me feel good thinking about it so I’m just not going to put myself through it. You’ll know what’s right for you & definitely don’t beat yourself up about it 💖 xxx

[Boo718]

Thank you sooo much for everyones comments. I feel so much better knowing I’m not crazy or feeling like this alone. It’s terrible to be so worried about visiting a pregnant friend or friend with a child for fear that u end up bawling your eyes out or completely losing your shit. One day it will be our turn girls. Until then ... I think I’ll have a glass of wine 🤣🤣 xxx

[Hidden]

I can completely relate to this feeling. It's an awful way to feel & I often feel guilty for being 'selfish' & not seeing friends with children as much as I should. My husband doesn't get it & says I should be pleased for our friends. He's arranged for us to go to our God daughter & sons 1st & 4th birthday party & to be honest I'm dreading going & being reminded of what we don't have & may never have. I also don't get why our friends invited us as they know exactly what we're going through but I guess I can't expect people to know how it feels to be in this position.

I'm sure your friend will understand, if you do feel able to talk to her. I was so worried about meeting my best friends baby & when we spoke about it, turns out she was worried about upsetting me & it was hard for both of us in different ways.

We're meeting a friends new born baby next week and I just plan to go round for an hour. I haven't felt able to go baby shopping so will cook them a meal instead. They don't know about our situation & I don't feel that everybody needs to know as I don't want to be asked about it all the time.

Everyone's given great advice on here as always. Just be yourself & allow yourself to feel how your body tells you to feel. What we're going through is really hard so give yourself permission to do (or not do) whatever it is you need to get through it xx

[fertilitystruggle]

Hi Boo718.

I question my self every single day ‘Am I a bad person for feeling sad when I see a pregnant woman every single day?’ I never have the answer to that.

All of us that are struggling to have a child feel the same way. We feel guilty for feeling this way but how is this our fault? As time goes past things just seem to get harder. We are only human and it’s normal to feel this way. All we are asking for is a child and why can’t we just have it.

My sister is pregnant and she’s 3 months. I had a miscarriage last week. I feel so sad when I see her but what can I do? I can’t do anything except just pretend to be strong. I cry alone in my room every single night. I try and be supportive when she sends me pictures of her scan or talks about her pregnancy. She is my sister at the end of the day and I will always be happy for her but I can’t help but wish that this was me.

I feel the same way, would this jealousy ever go away? I hate being this person because this is not me. I don’t want to be a bitter person who can’t be happy for others. And I’m sure you feel the same way.

I hope you get thru this and find happiness❤️x

[Ala00]

Boo718 I really feel for you. We all feel the same. I've drifted away from all my pregnant friends because it's just too painful, especially when they are posting their scan photos. They totally understand though. Just remember everyday you are moving forward. When is your next transfer?