Hi Silvercloud88. My dear girl, no one needs to do anything they don’t want to. Leave the gender thing be, and don’t have any guilt feelings about not going. You look after you, which is more important. I’m sure all the other lovely ladies/couples here will agree with me. Sending a big hug and I shall be thinking of you. Diane
I think it’s a fad and wouldn’t go either. I like an excuse for a party but I’m wary of any celebrations of babies (gender reveal parties/baby showers) if the babies aren’t here yet. I know it’s uncommon, but things can still go wrong. I feel as though it is tempting fate. In terms of your family doing it though, I guess if your SIL really wants to do it then at least she has invited you rather than trying to hide it from you.
You look after you. If your family have any sense they won’t push the matter and leave you be. I appreciate they want to celebrate but I agree with other posters, it feels like tempting fate. Why not wait for a Christening/NamingDay. This is a fad and you are under no obligation to go xx
So sorry this is happening at this point in your own journey. You carry on listening to you and your emotions and what you can cope with, and looking after you.
My hubby told me about this 'gender reveal' business, when his admin assistant was telling him (in great detail) about the 'gender reveal' events she was doing. Sadly, he feels his admin assistant has been really insensitive towards him; she knows we are doing/have done multiple ivf. And hubby finds it hard enough just watching her get larger and larger.. People don't seem to think sadly! xx
Aw Silvercloud, I completely understand how your feeling. You have to do what ever you feel best doing, forget anyone who you think will judge, your about to start a new cycle and you have to think of what makes you feel calm and good and if that means not going then don't go. Does you SIL know you are going through ivf? If so, then she probably understands if you don't go, but didn't want you to feel hurt by not being invited.
I'm very close to my SIL and when she announced she was pregnant, (I found out before her hubby) I was at the beginning of my 2ww and it hurt like hell, and that cycle was a negative as I felt so low about it all. I did go to her baby shower, however that was more because of how close I was to her and by that stage had fully accepted her pregnancy. My gorgeous niece was born on the evening of my 40th of which at the time I felt gutted of all the days for it to happen on and all the talk at my meal was about waiting for her to give birth, which she did as we were getting our desserts. I've completely excepted it all now and love my niece to bits, but at the time of my bday was also when I Doner cycle had been cancelled for lining issues, so the only advice I can give is if you go and you know it will cause you upset then don't go. I'm sure your SIL will understand. I've realised along this journey that at times I feel like family don't care or understand as they never seem to ask how I am etc, but I now know from having conversations with my SIL that they do all think about me, it's just more that they don't know what to say as they don't fully understand the whole ivf process. So be kind to yourself, others understand even if no words are spoken and sending you lots of luck for your upcoming cycle xxx
I agree with it being a crass, American fad but more than that, what are your in laws doing supportung this after all youve been through. Are the lot of them completely insensitive? They'll have their dream family soon enough so I don't see why they should rub your nose in it so to speak.
I am so sorry that your relatives can be so ignorant to your struggles and I am praying that this final round works for you xx
It’s so easy to get so angry and upset about these types of things. It’s only natural but I’d say... you’ll need all the strength and positive thoughts for this next round. So I’m sending you a sprinkle of warrior dust to put you on your way. You’ve got this. Round 4.... go girl xx
People who do not suffer infertility ever really fully appreciate or understand how hard it is for us infertiles when they have their parties and occasions. I also think
It’s never personal, just they are caught up in the excitement. We are all responsible for our own happiness, so don’t be a martyr and go just to make them happy. Don’t go and save yourself the torment. Save your energy for your next round, don’t worry about them - positivity will get you everywhere and negativity no where xxxxx
Im so sorry u r feeling so upset about this..many people will never understand what people like us go through but sometimes I think it's not their fault and they just don't . I do think it's important to try and lead as normal a life as we can and try to be supportive of friends and families wishes too even if it means the gender party if that's what they want to do. I know everyone's feelings are different tho and I completely understand how it feeling ❤ hugs xxx
It is really very tough. My older sister who is 40 and already has a gorgeous daughter (who I love with all my heart) fell pregnant naturally some months ago, just when I had my last transfer that came out negative. It was terribly painful and it just felt so unfair compared to us (we have had 5 miscarriages and 4 years of treatment now). With time I have been slowly learning to cope with it but also my sister has been wise enough to try to avoid talking about her pregnancy too much in front of me and certainly she did not announce it to everyone in front of me...I think it's the least we can ask for...
So I am with you...I think they could have avoided throwing that party if they are really close to you...Anyway it's also true that we have to understand that the world keeps spinning round even if we are stuck in this situation. I send you a big hug and all the luck for your next try. It has to work out...
I so feel for you and couldn’t add to anything more than the previous messages here, they have all said so well. Just the other week my bro went in to elaborate details about how my SIL staged a big surprise moment telling him that she had become pregnant and filmed the whole thing , of course I said I was happy for them but underneath I was heartbroken and cried all night. Considering he is fully aware of my Ivf struggles and not long had a bfn he really could have spared me the details! Protect yourself from too much unnecessary grief, you have to say enough is enough sometimes. Sending warm thoughts your way xxxx
It's awful what you're going through, and I really hope this last cycle is that little miracle baby just waiting for the right time to come to the world.
I personally wouldn't go to the party, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. As lots of previous posters have said you need to look after you!
However (I don't know your family but) try not to take it as a personal attack and a show of unsupported-ness. As everyone on here knows having a baby is a massive thing, and two is phenomenal. I know when I have fell in the past I have wanted to shout it from the roof tops, however I have never gotten that far where I could. But try not to judge by the way they celebrate, it is something that needs to be celebrated!
I hope soon the celebration can be to usher in your very own little person. It will be all the more special because you will have worked so hard to get there!
I work in obstetrics so every day I recover women who have cesarean sections, repairs of tears, forceps delivery etc. I found it majorly tough after each of my two miscarriages to put a happy face on and coo over their newborn, but I have to tell myself that this is their special day. There journey, although different from mine is no less important.
I hope this helps, all the best with this next cycle xxx
Don’t go if you are not feeling up to it. I couldn’t cope with any baby showers last year and declined them all. Most friends understood. Some didn’t and we aren’t close any more but unfortunately I think that’s ones of the casualties of this awful journey. They are just caught up in the excitement of it all (as they are allowed to be) but unfortunately aren’t being very thoughtful towards the pain and suffering you are going through. Don’t feel any guilt. Put yourself first. This journey is tough enough without being hard on yourself. If u can, just be honest with them and say it’s too painful for you. Xxx take care xxx
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Feeling upset today and starting to get worried about our 5th attempt 
Feeling lost, confused, upset and angry. 
2ww 6dpt feeling upset and negative 
