Another BFN today, I don’t know why but thought this was the time it was going to work. I know it’s early days to be making decisions, but how many cycles do you do before you accept that your never going to see that positive pregnancy test?
Having unexplained infertility is a cow as I don’t even know why it’s not working.... 5 embryos transferred now and no indication of why it won’t implant.
So is this it for me? Or do I carry on in a fantasy land of “the next cycle will be the one”....
How do we ever decide?
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LillieF
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Sorry you have had so many disappointments only you can decide but get as much advise as you can about what may have gone wrong and be kind to yourself x
Sorry about your news Lillie. This journey drains us mentally and physically but when you have the want and need for something in your heart so bad that's when you know you can't give up. I was ttc for 12 years and I felt like giving up so many times as I couldn't handle the heartache, but I'm glad I didn't. I finally got my miracle baby boy with the 3rd cycle of ivf. We are trying to give him a sibling and I've just done my 4th cycle and got a BFP on Sunday but today I started bleeding and it's all over again. The pain, heartache and numbness I feel right now only people like yourself who have went through it will understand. I won't give up and I will keep trying to give my son a sibling as I know it will happen again one day. I know it's hard right now but please try and stay positive and have a plan of what you will do next. Good luck with anything you decide xx
So so sorry to read about your battles and losses - you sound like a strong and tough character and it’s really inspiring to read your story. Much love to you xxxx
I’m so sorry to hear this. We have set an age limit- we are going to stop trying for our own when I am 40 and move on to adoption. We have already been to some adoption information evenings. I’m currently in my 2ww and there will be time for one more cycle before we stop if this one is negative. That will be four ECs in total which is also how many I said I thought I would be able to handle right at the beginning.
How long you carry on depends on what you and your partner see the future being if you don’t have a biological child (childless/adoption/donor eggs or sperm/surrogacy). Sounds like you need a heart to heart together about next steps and maybe some counselling?
Sorry to hear this as others have said only you can decide when you’ve had enough. I’ve recently been torn between another cycle or starting the adoption process but have decided on another cycle as I don’t want to look back and think what if. For me my desire to hold my healthy baby currently out weighs giving up, I guess when that changes Il know it’s time to stop. Maybe some counselling would help, I know it’s helping me x
Before you give up,look into whether an ERA test can help you. This attempts to pinpoint exactly when your lining is ready for implantation rather than just working to a "cycle". If implantation is your issue/concern it's worth exhausting that option. Immunology tests are also worthwhile doing to see if your body is attacking that poor little embryo. I was very ill when I got pregnant with food poisoning and what some would consider flu (I called it a very bad cold). I'm certain the illnesses created a perfect storm for my body. Good luck with your next steps and please don't give up hope just yet xx
I’m so sorry to read this Lillie. We too had another BFN yesterday and feel in similar turmoil about what to do next as I’m really not sure that we can go through this again, or that it’s even worth trying as we’ve never managed to have a good quality embryo in three fresh cycles.
So we’ve decided that we’re going to meet with our consultant to get his advice and then talk it through with a counsellor. We’re hoping that a trained fertility counsellor will help have the tools to walk us through to a decision we can live with, I really don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer in this so it just has to be something you won’t look back on and regret.
I wish you all the very best in whatever route you decide to go. Xx
Cliches often help me at Times like this and one I particularly like is ‘everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, then it’s not the end’. So I guess you ‘just’ (sorry as if it’s that easy... but you get my drift) have to decide when you are alright with things. Unexplained infertility is awful, it’s what we have and just feels so unfair. I hope you are able to come to a decision soon- and good luck with whatever you decide xxx
It's really tough to know when to stop trying for something that we think without it we can never be as happy or fulfilled but the pursuing it can be so painful and heartbreaking.
As others have said only you can know but in my experience it can be hard to hear our inner wisdom, our instinct that is so often drowned out by the pain and fear of not being fulfilled or happy.
Over the years I've learned that our inner wisdom has come characteristics.
It comes in moments of quiet but is clear when we hear it.
It doesn't always feel good, but it feels right.
It's always kind.
When we know we are going to be OK whatever happens it becomes easier to sense what feels right for us. It may not feel good as sometimes it means stepping out of our comfort zone, trusting something deeper within us when out head and emotions may be saying something else.
We found it really hard to find that clarity but it came when we stopped trying to find it and let it come to us.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a long journey. I think for me I will try 2 more (fresh) rounds. I've just had 2 failed FETs so we're about to go into a fresh cycle. If that doesn't work and any subsequent frosties don't work I will try DHEA for 3 months and then give it one last shot. But who knows how I'd feel when we got to the end of that plan. I think it's time to take a break and let the dust settle and see how you feel later xxx
Its tough. Ive had 2 rounds of ICSI and both failed. Few eggs collected and only 1 or 2 fertilised. 1st round didnt even make it to ET and Ive never had any to freeze and no pregnancy from them. I just dont know how people can afford to keep having treatment. Were broke after these 2 rounds! So for us its not the emotional side of having more before calling it a day its the financial side. Sometimes i wish i was loaded! I think we may move on to donor next in Cyprus as its much cheaper and more promising success rates xx
Have you thought about having implantation failure blood tests done? My clinic do them though it is pricey at £850. I have a different situation to you (I got two bfps) but I’ve now lost five embryos after 4 transfers and now we’re looking at funding our next round. I think people assumed we’d be done but if we’d got the three rounds funded as per recommendations we wouldn’t even have entertained the idea of giving up, we’d have been thinking “maybe next time” but as we’re now funding we did initially wonder whether it was worth putting ourselves through it again. All I can say is, you’ll know when enough is enough. I don’t feel that way yet, there’s still some fight in me xx
I too got our BFN today - second Icsi cycle for us. They can find no reason why we aren’t getting pregnant which is why we moved to ivf. I’ve decided will go again but this time I’ve booked to meet with the clinics counselling team first. We have also discussed looking into adoption too. We are self funding the last and this round and I think that will play a part in deciding when to stop. It’s so tough isn’t it? Sending you lots of love and best wishes x
Please don’t give up, my Daughter had a tough journey (read her profile Kelly 03) she has recently been blessed with twins, and all her heartache has turned to joy. I wish you the very best of luck xx
I hear ya! You get to the point when you think can I carry on putting myself through this. I think the only positives to take from the first failed cycle is that they know whether your body has responded like it should or whether the hosp need to up or lower the amount of meds.
I had 3 failed fets and 5 not thaw, which was devastating in itself as they were all top quality. I think next steps are to make an appointment with the consultant armed with any questions you might have. Think I’m gonna try accupunture, have a scratch, throw everything in to it! Heres hoping our second time around in the one!
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