CD23 & the spotting starts! So badly want to believe it’s implantation bleeding but I know this is how every period starts for me, the difference is I haven’t even managed to get to 25 days this month. I was so convinced this month was going to be the one, I’ve done everything right but no & this marks 2 years 8 months that we have been trying. I am currently at my pity party - where are the positives of this, why is this happening to me, what have I done so wrong to deserve such pain & don’t I deserve to be a Mummy?!!!
So I have been trawling through all of your posts & whilst I wish none of us were going through this I am finally feeling that I am not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly but he doesn’t get it, not fully because he already has a son.
I no longer feel crazy when the black hole sucks me in & the all consuming green eyed monster appears. For actively avoiding babyshowers/anywhere I know there is going to be bumps & newborns as much as I can! For breaking down when I can’t avoid such events. For the desperate feeling when my heart hits my stomach & the sick reaches my throat every time there’s another announcement or scan picture or I’m passed a newborn or worse still when my boyfriend is & we’re told oh you look so sweet with a baby girl!! I know, this is what I’ve wanted for nearly 3 years!!!!! And I leave & I cry & cry until there’s nothing left in me.
So, I just wanted to say thank you to you all for making me feel a little less lonely on what is proving to be the loneliest & hardest thing ever!!
Wish you all much happiness & baby dust xxx