Fertility Network UK
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Not alone after all

CD23 & the spotting starts! So badly want to believe it’s implantation bleeding but I know this is how every period starts for me, the difference is I haven’t even managed to get to 25 days this month. I was so convinced this month was going to be the one, I’ve done everything right but no & this marks 2 years 8 months that we have been trying. I am currently at my pity party - where are the positives of this, why is this happening to me, what have I done so wrong to deserve such pain & don’t I deserve to be a Mummy?!!!

So I have been trawling through all of your posts & whilst I wish none of us were going through this I am finally feeling that I am not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly but he doesn’t get it, not fully because he already has a son.

I no longer feel crazy when the black hole sucks me in & the all consuming green eyed monster appears. For actively avoiding babyshowers/anywhere I know there is going to be bumps & newborns as much as I can! For breaking down when I can’t avoid such events. For the desperate feeling when my heart hits my stomach & the sick reaches my throat every time there’s another announcement or scan picture or I’m passed a newborn or worse still when my boyfriend is & we’re told oh you look so sweet with a baby girl!! I know, this is what I’ve wanted for nearly 3 years!!!!! And I leave & I cry & cry until there’s nothing left in me.

So, I just wanted to say thank you to you all for making me feel a little less lonely on what is proving to be the loneliest & hardest thing ever!!

Wish you all much happiness & baby dust xxx

5 Replies

Sorry to read this. We all know that sinking feeling at time of the month but there’s always hope it is implantation. Somehow you will pick yourself up and start hoping that next month will be the one . I’m also on af, sick of trying and failing. I am running out of things to try. Tonight I think I will have a wee Prosecco to commiserate. Have you watched one more shot on Netflix, my dh finds it hard to understand my sadness as he copes much better but I think that movie helped him think of it from a different perspective . Hugs xx


Thank you for your reply, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down too - I have also got to the point where I don’t know what else to try! I’m at a loss as to what to do each month as nothing seems to be working! I’ve not heard of that on nexflix, I’ll have a look today! Hope you enjoyed your prosecco! Big hugs to you too xx



1 like

Hi lovely. I saw your post the other day but didn't comment as I don't have any experience with poor SA. However, a comment on this post caught my attention: you're spotting. Does this happen every month? And for how long before your period? The reason I ask is because I also spot, and I was also told that I was fine. But I just couldn't accept that. My spotting got so bad that it was happening 10 days before my period. After a second and third opinion I finally got a prescription for cyclogest. I got pregnant on my second month.

I also did some things to help egg quality (lots of free range organic eggs, ubiquinol, cut down on sugar, liver cleanse each day with warm water and fresh lemon) and to see if I could improve the quality of the corpus luteum as well.

There are things your other half can do to improve his SA results (search on here as I have seen many posts previously with great advice). But if there is also a problem that is causing your spotting that has been ignored, you need support there too. A few supplements for you both and a private prescription would be a LOT cheaper than private IVF. Good luck and message me if you want to chat more about the spotting xx


Hi Jacqui,

Thank you so much for your message! I will message you xx


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