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Fertility Network UK
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What to do next - I’m 36 and a little lost

Hi all,

Looking for some advice. Reading the support and advice on here has helped me through some dark time and now I feel I should seek some advice. 1st time posting.

Husband and I have been trying for 1st baby for over 8yrs now. I feel for a long time I was in denial due to being over weight. It wasn’t till I went for a smear test in Oct 2015 and talking to the nurse that I realised I had to do something. At that point we had been ttc for 6 yrs. Made appointment with GP, had basic tests done and all seemed ok. Referred to local hospital. Blood tests, semen analysis all normal (not in-depth tests as far as I remember) so had internal scan and all seemed ok. At scan appointment and review. We were basically told I had to get my weight down to a BMI below 30 before any more tests would be done. I had already joined a healthy eating class and my weight was steadily going down. My cycle regulated on its own after losing 4st (previously between 23-35 day cycles) I had lost 5st by Feb 2017. Which made me feel amazing. Then out of the blue at the start of April 2017 I discovered I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was absolutely over the moon and in shock. Everything I ever wanted had finally happened. Had to wait till 10 weeks for my 1st midwife appointment. The appointment went great, given all the information and reassurance that me still being over weigh shouldn’t be an issue but they were going to given me baby aspirin as a precaution.

Then 2 days later my whole world felt like it was ending. I suddenly had excruciating pain on the Sunday and has to Phone triage at our local maternity and had to go to hospital. I was miscarrying our baby. We were absolutely devastated. The hospital were amazing and after a few days. Everything physical was over. Told to take HPT in 2 weeks to check if negative. It was negative so no need for medical intervention. So thankfully my body helped me for once and no surgery or medication neeed. This helped as we wanted to continue trying after 1st period as my age is always on our mind and feel like we are running out of time.

That was nearly 9 month ago now and here is where I’m stuck. Cycle is ranging from 35-48 day and very heavy/painful. Not like this before miscarriage.

When is it time for me to bite the bullet and go back to Dr. Do I need to wait a yr after miscarriage before they will help?

Ppl say I need to get over losing baby before ttc again. I’ll never be over it, only thing we can do is learning to live without baby and the lose of what should have been as I don’t have the luxury of time to wait.

Is there anything I can do to help regulate cycle?

I am back on my healthy eating plan and weight is starting to go down again so hopefully if Dr won’t do anything now then hopefully in next 6months-1yr. I’ll be in the healthy weight bracket. By then I’ll be 37 nearly 38.

Have any of you been in similar situations where your GP/hospital won’t do more tests due to weigh. If so what did you do?

Is private an option if over weigh? I know the healthier I am the better. I don’t smoke and rarely drink alcohol. Still 3st to loose.

Sorry for the extremely long post. I am so lost and the constant reminder of not having kids and all the pregnancies around me is extremely difficult. Which I know you all know and have learnt through your own hard journeys.

Take care everyone and thanks for being the one place I don’t feel alone. xx

3 Replies

Hi. First of all, but hugs to you and congratulations on the weight you have lost so far.

You don’t need to wait a year after a miscarriage to get medical help. You mentioned that your periods are now more heavy and painful- it is worth speaking to your GP (see a female one if possible- bit of a generalisation but I think they can be more sensitive about female stuff) about arranging a scan to see if there is a reason your periods have changed. If you have lost weight, it may be that now you are ovulating you are getting painful periods. You did not mention what your weight is now but NHS clinics cannot do anything if you body mass index is over 30. If you are close to 30, then maybe have a chat with your GP about a plan for a referral- eg if you come back in a month and have lost weight, then they could start the referral process so you don’t have to wait as long when you are at target weight. Even private clinics will have different cut offs due to decreased success with higher BMIs. Have you thought about slimming world or weight watchers? I have used weight watchers to lose weight and there are lots of people there who are also on their IVF journey.

Be kind to yourself. X


Hi. You are amazing! What a roller coaster of a ride you have been on. I am so sorry for your loss. Have you been receiving any counselling to deal with your loss? Be as proactive as you can, get as much help as you can from your GP. Explore all options. I wish I had sooner! I buried my head in the sand for far too long.

I'm only starting on my journey but I'm ready to throw everything I can at it. Emotionally, I'm really struggling but since I joined this site yesterday, I can't tell you how much better I feel. I don't feel so alone and I have some sparkles of hope!

Stay positive, keep strong and be proactive

Hugs Xx


Hello 👋🏻 I am so very sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how hard that has been for you. Whilst I haven’t experienced miscarriage I can relate to the difficulties you’re having coping with not having children. If you haven’t already, I would recommend some counselling if it’s something you’re open to. I found it really helped me, my only regret was that I didn’t go years ago.

Very well done on your amazing weight loss, you’ve shown great determination and I wish you lots and lots of luck with it as you go forward. A lady from this forum talked about being part of another weight loss forum, that might be worth having a look for. Might be good to have another support network. As far as I know, private clinics like your bmi to be as close as possible to 30 too.

Stick around on here and let us all know how you’re getting on. You certainly won’t be alone with all the lovely supportive people on this forum xx


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