Fertility Network UK
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11dp5dt and it's over :(

It's all over...full bright red bleed yesterday, which followed from spotting and blood on wiping from 9dp5dt....I knew it was over, but still waited and did the test this morning, and obviously got a BFN :( Yesterday I think I cried all my tears, I was so hopeful all the way through, I just had a 'good feeling' you know, and now just feeling so lost and empty. This is the most soul-destroying process isn't it, and I've only just begun this journey. Anyway, I'm trying not to cry today and get focussed on what comes next...this is such a rollercoaster isn't it, and I'm fully on it, so I'd better get used to it! I felt like I had a good chance, blastocysts, all grade 3 or 2 AB or similar, and endometrium was over 10mm, so I guess it was the 2ww where it all went wrong :( Any advice/experience on what people have found has worked/hasn't worked on 2ww would be greatly appreciated, thank you so much xx

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I’m so sorry to hear this chrissie_81 - This process is so hard. I think that the single biggest cause of failure is the embryo, it won’t be anything you have done, so please don’t blame yourself. They can only tell so much in the lab, then it is up to the embryo to dig in and stay put. The good thing is that you have started your next natural cycle already & that’s a fresh start for you. Sending you the biggest hugs xx

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Thanks so much Wishfully xx I guess you're right on the embryo, there's only so much they can see in the lab - although I did read about chromosome tests, maybe I will ask the consultant when I go back. Thank you for your positivity, and much love to you on your journey too xx

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Im so very sorry to read this! It's soul destroying. Im sure you did absolutely nothing wrong in ur 2ww, some things are out of our hands. There are ppl who do everything right and get a negative and people who smoke / drink / take drugs / have poor diet and still sustain a pregnancy. Life is so unfair and im sorry it didnt work for u this time! ❤ xx

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Thank you TTCs xx it is so unfair for so many people isn't it, reading some stories on here, it's just so unfair. I guess we just have to believe in our little embies above all else, thank you for your supportive reply, and all the very best to you too xx

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I guess we do but it rly isnt easy. I hope u get lots of support and go into ur next round feeling positive again xx

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I’m sorry 😞 I think it’s quite common for first rounds to not work. I had a bfn on mine and everything was text book, top grade embie and perfect lining, easy transfer.. Of course some women do get a bfp but I think they’re the exception not the majority. Bfns are hard and cruel. And yes at times this journey is soul destroying as you say. I can only wish you much better luck next time. Take care of yourself xx

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Thank you Tugsgirl xx I guess I was feeling quite naïve and hopeful with this first go, it's just such an emotional rollercoaster isn't it, and I really don't think I was mentally prepared at all, I guess we never can be. Thank you for your kind words, and all good wishes to you on your journey xx

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Unfortunately we learn the hard way on this journey 😞 Try to have a nice weekend, go out for a long walk in the fresh air, somewhere beautiful, go out for a meal, have a bottle of wine on the sofa and watch some movies xx

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Thank you Tugsgirl, I did exactly that and feel much better for it xx love to you xx

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i am so sorry for your loss. this process takes everything from us - physically, emotionally & mentally.

hope you find strength in the days ahead. be kind to yourself.

sending love ✨💕✨

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Thank you noodles xx some time out from everything has been good, feeling stronger and ready for the next go! Thank you for your kind words, and love to you on your journey too xx

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So sorry to hear this. Try and be as kind to yourself as possible today. If you need to cry then cry, if you don’t try and do something nice.

Sometimes it takes more than once for it to work. And that is heartbreaking. But it will all be worth it and it will work eventually. Keep going lovely and soon your dreams will come true xxx

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Thank you Violet xx I did cry some more, but now I think it's all out...! Ready to keep on going, and you're right about the first go, I think I was unrealistically hopeful, but in a strange way I feel stronger to keep on going now I know a bit more what to expect. Thank you for your kind message, and sending love to you too xx

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I’m so sorry to hear this, you must be exhausted today having cried your heart out yesterday. I know exactly how you are feeling. It’s heartbreaking. Make sure you are kind to your body and mind in the days ahead and allow yourself time to grieve. There will have been nothing else you could have done during the two week wait. Once the embryos are in there, nature takes over. Try to do something nice for yourself over the weekend if you can. When you’re ready, your review appointment may help you to decide on the way forward. Sending you lots and lots of love, take care xo

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Thank you so much Dunla xx and you're right about nature taking over once the embryo's are in there...I had been beating myself up as you do - but I was lucky enough to get in on a cancellation appointment with my lovely consultant yesterday and he really reassured me that there really is nothing you can do, it's all down to genetics, and is often a bit of a numbers game to get those strong embryos....keep on trying as long as we can, and hopefully we will all get there! He even joked that even if I had a bottle of vodka a day it would likely not even affect the outcome! (an extreme analogy, but it really did make me feel better about what I did or didn't do!). So, I'm staying positive for now and looking forwards! Thank you for your kind words, and all good wishes to you too xx

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I’m so glad your appointment with your consultant was reassuring and has left you feeling more positive.

Every best wish to you going forward from here xx

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Hey my love.... firstly if I say am sorry it wouldn’t change a damn thing or will it make you feel better... so sending you a big ol’ squeeze 😬

Nothing you done am sure in the 2ww changed the chances of it working this is a game... that’s all but a game that breaks you in every direction and tried to leave you with nothing... SO I SAY F*** YOU IVF YOU WONT BEAT ME...

Take your time to get over this cry, scream , shout donwhatever you need to in order to attack round 2

Remember us IVF LADIES AE WARRIORS AND OUR MEN OUR OUR HEROES.

There will be joy at the end of the tunnel just never forget who you were before this journey started.

Another hug for you xxx

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Thank you gorgeous, this message really did make me smile, and have a little tear, and feel empowered all at the same time, so a massive thank you! :D xx you're right, I now know it wasn't anything I did or didn't do on the 2ww, so I feel stronger and more relaxed moving forward, to just carry on doing what I was doing and staying positive and healthy in body and mind - WE CAN DO THIS!! :) hugs to you too xx

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Sending you nothing but love at this moment

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Thank you for your kindness Anoo xx

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So sorry to see this!! This is such a terribly cruel journey, wouldn’t wish it in anyone!! 🙁 Look after yourself!! xx

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Thank you Leo xx You're so right, this is such a difficult journey, and I have so much respect for everyone on this roller coaster. Time out/away from social media, and alone time has really helped me to process, and be kind to myself. Sending you lots of love for your journey too, hugs xx

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Ahh Im so sorry it hasnt worked out for you! Glad to hear you let those tears run full flow, Im sure its the only thing for it. Plan a nice treat to reward yourself for having to go through this cr*p (and it really is cr*p) before deciding where you go from here. Sending hugs xx

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