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Bittersweet ☕️

Bittersweet ☕️

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!

I received these cups (pics attached) and it’s just made everything feel so bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong I know they were given with the loveliest intentions as I love my fur babies and would honestly be lost without them.

To me though it’s just reinforced how I should of got a ‘Mum’ or ‘Mum to be me’ mug this year. I know I’m probably looking far to much into it but I guess the reality is Infertility never goes away does it, no matter how much we want to enjoy occasions there’s always something that creeps it to put a downer on it 😕

43 Replies
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Oh dear, I can imagine, as much as you may love your dogs they are not kids.

I love my cat, but I would feel the same way you do if somebody gave me a cat mum mug. Small things like this can really ruin my mood sometimes so I totally understand.

Sending lots of love you way.

We all should get Brave, Trying to be a Mum mugs!!!

X

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Thank you, I love that idea of a mug! I’m the same it’s a small thing that triggers my bad mood and unfortunately my Hubby gets the brunt. Hope you had a good Christmas x

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Totally get this, as much as people have good intentions in the things they say and do, it can often feel like the most insensitive thing. My husband finally told his family of our struggles. This morning my mother-in-law said to me not to worry, they didn't expect grandchildren. Yes, that's why infertility is upsetting for me, the fear of disappointing them. I know she was only trying to make me feel better/less pressured, but what makes this battle so hard is about what I and my husband want, not what we think others expect of us xx

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Ha my in laws are the opposite ... keep saying we are old, it would be so nice to see grandkids before we die, what’s a life without grandkids.

I should ask back- what would be your life without kids?! Let alone grandkids

And I don’t get it... do they think we’re deliberately not getting pregnant just to spite them??

Or that my sole intention to have kids would be to provide them with some entertainment...

I think I’ll get them a parrot 😏

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Sorry they were so insensitive. Your right though it’s so hard especially with in laws, when I miscarried my MIL said to me my FILs worried he’ll never meet his grandchildren (with his cancer diagnosis) as if I’d chosen to miscarry 😣 xx

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That's an awful thing to say to you at that time, I'm so sorry xx

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Hope you had a lovely Christmas!

Totally get that, although it’s a lovely gift idea it does still hurt to see these things. I remember my sister sending me a mother’s day card a couple of years ago (which she said was from my cat) very lovely but it hurt because I thought will that ever be from a child?

Chin up, 2018 is going to be your year! 😘

Xxx

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It’s hard isn’t it cause people just don’t get how our brains work, not sure I always get how mine does either 😂 but still I know they mean well. Hope you had a lovely Christmas and working wasn’t to bad xx

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Yes can totally see why this would upset you. People don't mean to be insensitive they just dont understand the struggle we go through. Cx

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They sure don’t 😕 hope you had a lovely Christmas xx

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I get it. They just don't understand.

Take care x

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Hope you had a peaceful Christmas xx

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Aww I totally get it E_05

And it sometimes makes it harder when people are trying to be nice.

I gave a cousin a gift for her baby (she sadly had miscarriage last year and has three boys before that) and now has her baby girl(!) was really happy for her after her sadness last year (and she’s 40 so didn’t think she’d get pregnant again)

She replied: “aww I really hope you get some good news and get to experience this...” I never talk about my infertility and in the past we didn’t want kids as soon as we got married so I find it uncomfortable when people talk about it if I haven’t brought it up.

I’m obviously happy for them and haven’t shown myself to be upset so I don’t know why people need to project their pity or sadness on me... I know they have the best INtentions... but it feels so unnecessary 😞

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Sorry she was so insensitive, your right sometimes a simple thank you is enough. Less is more especially with conversations around children. I know they meant well with the gift and she knows how much I love my dogs but this morning it felt like another kick in the teeth looking at them xx

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I totally understand lovely. Over the last few months it's really hit me that unless someone has experienced the same situation, they really do not understand the heartache and emotional rollercoaster we go through. I totally understand that things said or done are well intended but it still can hurt or remind us of the difficulties we face. Take care lovely and lets hope 2018 brings us our much deserved happiness xxx

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Thank you, I know she meant well as she knows how much I love my dogs but like you say people can’t understand the sheer heartache a small gift can bring us. Hope you enjoyed your Christmas xx

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I do understand and it's so true, feels like everything i come into contact with at the moment reminds me of things. Had a nice xmas thanks, hope you did too. Looking forward to the start of 2018 in the hope it will be a great year xxx

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It’s hard not to think into things too much isn’t it... I find myself doing constantly.... 😞

I hope you managed to have a peaceful Christmas Day and spent it with those closest to you xx

I had an unwanted Christmas gift, waking up to Aunt Flo yesterday morning!! Joy of joys!! X

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Ah sorry she’s definitely an unwanted gift! I did thank you, it was more this morning it hit me looking at the mugs. Just another reminder of what I’ve lost I guess xx

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I know how you feel 😞 Sending hugs 🤗 xx

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Thank you, doesn’t get easier does it 😢 hope you managed to enjoy some of Christmas xx

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It certainly doesn’t xx

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Put those cups at the very back of your highest cupboard (or better still, the charity shop if you can get away with it!) and never look at them again. They look like they will wound with every cuppa!

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Thank you, that’s exactly what I plan to do - hide them away! X

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Oh dear - that’s an insensitive present - none of us want to just be dog mums and dads!! I think charity shop them. Xx

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Thank you, I know as much I’d be lost without my dogs I don’t need the reminder on a cup! Hope Christmas was kind to you xx

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Yes, it’s been really good - I had my hysteroscopy just before Christmas and it went really smoothly, they removed a small polyp. Hope yours goes smoothly too and fingers crossed for our next transfers Xxx

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How did you find the hysteroscopy, was you awake? Glad it all went well, hopefully it’ll make a positive difference xx

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Yes, I was awake and it was fine. I had one last July which I found painful but this one the surgeon said he’d go in really slowly and it didn’t hurt at all. Good luck with yours xxx

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Oh dear. Such a misguided gift. I would definitely not see the funny side. It's so frustrating that this process can bring grief in even the most innocuous situation where no harm is meant. I really do hope you got plenty of lovely other presents, and that 2018 gives you the gift you want above everything else xxx

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Thank you, I did get plenty of lovely things but like you say it’s the smallest of things that can have such a negative affect. I hope you had a lovely Christmas xx

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This is what people are doing to me with our cats - I got a cat lady mug and some cat pjs! Then when we were out no Ill intentions a friend said you guys are living the live have it all and no kids then the next breath when are you having kids etc etc x

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It’s so hard isn’t it, as much as we love our fur babies it isn’t the same and ramming it down our throats won’t fix what’s missing x

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Ohh hun. A present brought with the best of intentions that can truly hurt. Unfortunately no one knows the craziness of this journey unless they have faced it. I'm so hoping in 2018 you will be getting the best Christmas presents of all and this is a distant memory. You truly deserve it. Sending hugs xxx

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Thank you, I know she intended well it just set my mood so far back but your right unless you’ve walked or walking this path you can never truly understand. Hope Christmas was kind to you xx

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Aw hun, people can be so deeply insensitive and often at our most sensitive times. Maybe charity shop is the way forward for those mugs!

Yesterday, my SIL who's a nurse no less and knows our situation was encouraging her DIL to have another baby "before she's too old"... She's 29... I'm 34.

I read in a buddhist book recently that if someone offers us a comment or criticism we could treat it like an unwanted gift and refuse to accept it and then the weight of it remains with the giver, not upon us.

After reading this I try to remind myself that it is often not with malice these people act, but with ignorance, and it is with these people that this ignorance will stay. Doesn't always work mind you, but worth a try as these insensitive sorts are everywhere!

I truly hope that 2018 brings all you wish for. Xx

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Oh I’m so sorry we all seem to of had such insensitivity this Christmas. People really don’t ‘get it’ do they but I like the way you try to deal with those comments. So hoping 2018 brings us all lots of little miracles xx

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I don't think you are being too sensitive - This was a gift really not through at all. Take care of yourself and hope 2018 is much better! X

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Oh Hun. I would feel the same. Definitely charity shop them. Putting them at the back of the cupboard will only bring you down when you next come across them. They have a negative vibe and there is no room for that in your home. The giver was probably trying to be sweet but they are clueless to the emotions involved with infertility. Don’t feel bad because you don’t want the gift, just give it to someone who can enjoy it for what it is. Sending you a big hug! xxx

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Thank you, that’s a good point about them being at the back of a cupboard. Maybe I should smash them that might back me feel better 😂 hope Christmas was kind to you xx

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Hi Hun

Hope you’re as ok as can be expected.

I can imagine this was a bit of a shock as you said I doubt it was done deliberately as we love our fur babies but sometimes they are not the same thing and it would have been a reminder.

Hope you are ok

Kelly xxx💕

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Hey, I’m doing okay thanks? I know it was definitely given with the best intentions just unfortunately didn’t work out that way.

How are you doing? Xx

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Replied in the other thread lol 😂 x

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