couldn't sleep

[vic77]

had a really difficult weekend emotionally after our 4th bfn. I know we are lucky to have two frosties left however all my frantic go ogling and reading this morning leads me to thinking it may be an embryo issue likely linked to my poor quality eggs. I will find hope for my two frosties and I will write out my list of questions for the consultant next week however I do think realistically these are my last two eggs and need to consider other options. adoption has always been on my mind as likely to get a child through it however I work in this area so that kind of means I know too much sometimes. we always ruled out donor egg straight away as I just felt with adoption it was more equal as the child was from neither of us if that makes sense and now I think I actually would be lost if I never fell pregnant and maybe we should re think donor egg..hope that makes some sense..not had much sleep. I know of some truly inspirational ladies on here who have taken donor egg route and just wondering of any advice Cinderella5 and Hidden . I think I need a plan and need to feel like I am doing something right now. any advice be great as dint know where to start even firstly home or abroad? cost?success rates?how you emotionally accept this. thanks in advance. as Tugsgirl said yesterday I would be list without you all on here. huge thanks for all your messages of support last week when I was at my lowest. your messages again gave me hope. huge love xxxxxx

[7AVA]

Sorry to hear about your difficult night’s sleep. We are in a similar position in that our last consultant said our failed fresh and failed frozen is most likely down to egg quality. I’m going to pm you but I wanted to say, remember to give yourself some time to come to terms with your bfn xxxxx

[vic77 in reply to 7AVA]

thanks hun. .I know you are right..patience is not my string point. .I just hate this time and wanted to feel like I was doing something as my age is getting away from me too😢😢😢xxx

[7AVA in reply to vic77]

I absolutely know that feeling of wanting to move on. I have every confidence you will have a child in your life one way or another and all this will be a distant memory xxxxx

[Leesara]

A difficult night is never a good thing, especially if you had less sleep, as everything is then heightened.

I would strongly advise against googling everything, it’s never a good thing. As hard as it is, try to take one day at a time.

I wanted to reply, as I too worked in front line child social care, therefore feel I know too much about the likes of adoption etc but there is always positive stories and outcomes too.

No advise I’m afraid, but wishing you well xx

[vic77 in reply to Leesara]

thanks for your response. .much appreciated xxx

[Leesara]

And try to hold on to the fact that two Frosties is great x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Hi vic77

I was convinced it was a problem to do with egg quality (as were my clinic) before we had our chromosome results, and I revisited our decision against egg donation. I found it helpful to speak to the clinic counsellor who was able to answer a lot of my queries about it, especially the emotional ones like why do women donate eggs? I still decided it wasn’t for me but it was a better informed decision.

Regarding egg quality, remember even when egg quality reduces, not every egg will be poor quality and the fact your embies reached blastocyst is a sign they are not complete duds! There could still be a baby in one or both of your frosties and I really really hope that’s the case for you x

[Lynnr54]

Hi, sorry you’re feeling like this. I can understand why you would prefer adoption to DE so that any child isn’t genetically half yours. We have male issues and my hubby said he’d rather adopt than use a sperm doner if it ever came to that decision. I haven’t been in your situation from a female perspective so I may feel differently if I were, but my take on it is that if I carried the baby and it grew inside me that would make it mine. It would have my blood protecting it, my immunity to whoping cough etc and I would have been responsible for it from day 1. Take your time to recover from your BFN though before making any big decision x

[E_05]

Im in a similar position with rubbish sleep it definitely makes everything worse. It’s going to take to time for you to come to terms with this but do allow yourself to grieve. It’s good your able to hold onto hope for your last 2 Frosties. I have so many questions buzzing around in my head, it definitely is an unfair journey. Thinking of you xx

[Fredaflintstone]

Hi Vic sorry your having such a hard time. I just wanted to share my thought re donor eggs. I too always thought I’d adopt rather than use donor eggs on the basis they there are enough children in the world needing parents already but then when it came down to it I really wanted to carry a pregnancy and that instinct was too strong for me. Ours will be genetically related to hubby but not to me. But I will have carried them and I’ll be their only mummy - they’ll rely on me for everything. I do feel sad they won’t be genetically mine but I know I’ll love them just the same. I wanted to have them here in the uk because of the anonymity laws - here they’d be able to trace their biological roots when they are 18. But that’s not for everyone. It’s also more expensive here I think.

Friends of friends had fertility problems - male factor. He would only use donor sperm if she also used donor eggs (although her eggs were fine). They have an adorable little boy and are a very happy little family. That’s also an option. Some people donate embryos if they have had successful treatment and have some left that they cannot use. If ours is successful we will do that because we have quite a few Frosties. I can see that as an option more for male factor though because they don’t have the same bond through carrying the child.

It’s a a lot to think about and worth asking the doctors first. We moved straight to donor eggs after we got no eggs from my NHS IVF. I think if I’d have got Frosties I’d have had to give them a go first. Definitely worth speaking to a counsellor too. I was lucky in one sense in that I worked on donor gamete issues for some time so it was quite familiar to me before having to take a decision. But I found speaking with a counsellor useful too.

Lots of love to you at this hard time. Xxx

[Tugsgirl]

I understand your need to have a plan in place, it sharpens our focus and makes us feel we’re being productive instead of letting time slip by. However it’s also important you deal with the disappointment you’re feeling before anything else Vic. Please take a little time out and do some things you enjoy doing, some “you” things. Don’t forget to have a bottle of wine and eat some cake. Cry, scream, shout. Spoil yourself. Get yourself out in the fresh air, somewhere beautiful and refreshing. Take that lovely dog of yours somewhere breathtakingly beautiful. It always makes me feel greatful again, to be alive, to have all the things I have in my life instead of focusing on what I don’t have. Xx

[Cinderella5]

Hiya hun! I've sent you a PM....totally get your way of thinking and looking ahead, I had to do this for my sanity too!! Thinking of you😘😘xxx

[Daxi16]

Sorry to hear your having such a hard time 😢. Just remember that you do have options no matter what path you take you will be able to get your family. Not every family is build the same way and yours will be extra special after your journey. I don't know a lot about the donor egg route but I do think that the baby will be just as much you as your partners. After you have grown him/her for 9 months you will not see it any other way 💜I wish you all the luck with whatever decision you make xxx

[Hidden]

I have inboxed you xx

[tiger-cub]

My dear u r lucky to hv to Frosties . So don't loose hope . I've got 5 failures behind me and I understand d feeling of being left out and lonely . I'm meeting a friend who's had a baby after many treatments . And I'm in years every time I see her baby .

But d tears r not of jealousy but for me that I'm still here . I love her son to bits . Hang in there