FET transfer

[7AVA]

Has anybody else's OH not been able to get out of work for embryo transfer?

[LauraGU]

Yep mine couldn't. He's a police officer and it was the bank hol in May which made it impossible for him to get it off. Went with my mum and the nurse joked that mums are so much better because they flap less!! X

[7AVA in reply to LauraGU]

Thanks Laura. I've just had a bit of a meltdown with my OH, he's a teacher and his Head is making it really difficult for them to have time off at the moment. My mum has offered to go with me instead so I might just take her up on that. Xx

[LauraGU in reply to 7AVA]

Honestly do and I'm sure your mum would appreciate the opportunity to be there for you too. I had a meltdown too but in all honesty I was overreacting (I can only see that now!!). It's not a biggy and hopefully there will be plenty more apts for him to go to 🤞🏻 X

[7AVA in reply to LauraGU]

Thanks so much Laura - it's reassuring to hear you had a meltdown too! I think my hormones are probably in play but so hard to see that when you're in it! Love the support on here ❤️ xxx

[LauraGU in reply to 7AVA]

Oh god I had loads of meltdowns. That was my most sane one- the least was probably having one over water on the bathroom floor!! We are hoping to get going with our FET in the next few weeks so sure there will be more to come!! Xxx

[7AVA in reply to LauraGU]

Haha! Yes, sounds familiar. I thought I was doing so well last week but this week - nightmare! Good luck with your FET - keep us updated xxx

[LauraGU in reply to 7AVA]

Thank you. Best of luck to you too. Let's hope these Frosties do their magic xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to LauraGU]

His head is being very unfair. I'm surprised his school/trust/la don't have a policy on fertility treatment? Perhaps it's worth him asking and maybe even going to his union about it if he feels strongly? I wanted my husband there in case we arrived and had bad news about the embryos or in case of needed to make decisions (e.g we had to decide one or two based on how they had progressed up to the last possible moment). It mattered to me even though I was under sedation so he wasn't even able to be in the room and I wasn't conscious whilst the ets took place during either of my rounds!

He should ask his head how he would feel if he wasn't present at the conception of his own children, if he had any.

[7AVA in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thanks Lizzie - all good ideas but the situation really isn't good at his school at the moment and he's quite stressed anyway. His Head has declared these two weeks 'Core business' weeks and said no-one is allowed to take anytime off. He's spoken to his union representative who has said he thinks because it's my appointment, not his (!) that he wouldn't be able to go. Very frustrating but he's going to ask his head tomorrow. Thanks for your support as always xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to 7AVA]

Sounds like it would be good for him to look elsewhere as well... it sounds uberstressful there... since when did schools have "core business weeks"?!

I assume that if he calls in sick he'd be risking disciplinary?

Sounds like you don't have much of a choice so, like you say, you can take your mum and it will be fine. Let us know how it goes x

[7AVA in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Exactly - it's pretty awful there - I'm hoping he'll start looking for somewhere else in the new year. I'm going to have lining checked tomorrow then all being well, transfer next Weds so I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks so much Lizzie - good to speak with people who understand xxx

[Amanda86]

Mines just last week, work too busy couldn't let him get away even for an hour 👎 I went alone xxx

[7AVA in reply to Amanda86]

Liking your post but not that you had to go on your own. Xx

[Amanda86 in reply to 7AVA]

I had a few people offer to come but I was actually quite happy going alone. I'd have liked my partner there obviously but didn't really want anyone else with me.

I get irritated with the full bladder situation before transfer so couldn't be bothered with anyone annoying me 😂Xxx

[7AVA in reply to Amanda86]

That's true - I think only partners can really cope with the irritations that IVF brings! Good luck with your 2ww - everything crossed for you - your test date is day after my transfer if everything goes according to plan with lining tomorrow! 🤞 xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to 7AVA]

Thank you so much 🙏 Hope all is well at your inning scan tomorrow 🤞🍀 xxx

[Laura3101]

I never had my OH there on either of my egg transfers, we decided that it was a waste of a holiday day as they wouldn't give him it off with pay so I went by myself both times but I didn't mind xx

[7AVA in reply to Laura3101]

You sound more pragmatic about it than me - I think I've over thought the whole thing and got over emotional (probably all the hormones don't help!). Thanks for your reply xxx

[Laura3101 in reply to 7AVA]

Yeah Im a bit too laid back really so ppl say ha ha so for me it was just yep I'll go alone then it's done and I'll see the OH later. I hope all goes well for your transfer x

[7AVA in reply to Laura3101]

Thanks Laura, laid back is good! Congrats on your pregnancy. Xx

[_MrsC]

Hi Hun. That really is sad that he can't be there with you. Could you perhaps ask them to discuss with you beforehand about the quality of the embryos? On my last transfer, they decided to tell me mine were of a poor quality whilst I was stripped from the waist down in the room. My hubby and I then had to make a decision about what we wanted to do in front of them. If I had been without him, it would have been even worse than it was. I wish they had discussed it with us while I was fully dressed and not conscious of my nakedness. I'd hate something like that to happen to you especially if you didn't have your oh with you. Hopefully this was just a one off but it is part of the reason we will never do ivf again. I really hope all goes well for you Hun. xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to _MrsC]

Your clinic were so dreadful mrsC. I'm so sorry for what you went through.

But as I said above, you just don't know what will happen. I'd push the head- in my school they would never prevent someone from going to that. In the end, it will backfire on the head as his staff will end up on long term sick from stress or they'll leave, if they're made to feel bad about justifiable absence requests.

[7AVA in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I agree Lizzie and that is what's already happening at his school - it's a new head and lots of pressure because exam results and ofsted not good 😔 xx

[_MrsC in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Yes they were and I did complain at the end of our treatment. I told them I didn't think it appropriate to give someone bad news when they're not fully dressed. I also said I doubt they'd treat a man like that. Unfortunately the rest of the transfer was unpleasant too and I just imagined I was somewhere else. The only professional in the room who seemed to sense my upset and discomfort was a midwife student who was lovely. The irony of this was not lost on me. Anyway, hopefully this was just a one off and no one else has or will be treated this way. xxx

[7AVA in reply to _MrsC]

Awful that you had to experience this, sometimes medical staff can be so insensitive. Yes, hopefully this was a one off. Xxx

[7AVA in reply to _MrsC]

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. With it being a FET I think the quality is already known (?) my concern would be that it may not defrost. Luckily, I'm very close to my mum so if she is with me I think she'd be able to support me. He's now said he's going to ask the head tomorrow so hopefully we'll know one way or another then. Hope you and your husband are well xxx

[_MrsC in reply to 7AVA]

Thanks. That's a good point about the quality though and it's really good your mum will be there and will support you. I also work in a school so know what the pressure of asking for time off is like. Unfortunately some Heads lose their head to the pressure and can't see past results. I really hope they agree and your oh can come. It's such an important time for you both. Sending you a big hug! xxx

[7AVA in reply to _MrsC]

Thank you MrsC Xx

[Hannah_J]

Hi, firstly I want to wish you an excellent lining and all the luck with the transfer! Let it be a successful one!! Secondly, yes, husband's presence is very important. Yet sometimes it's impossible for them to be with us during this crucial moment. It's not his fault that he cannot be with you. From what you've said it's clear that he really wants to go, as he is going to ask his Head about it, although he was forbidden to take a day off. That's what important! And I'm sure he will be 100% supportive afterwards, because he really cares. And if you come alone or with your mum, you could also enjoy the power of making serious decisions 😁

[7AVA in reply to Hannah_J]

Yes, you're right - it's not his fault and thank you for reminding me that he does really care. Sometimes that gets lost. Thank you for your well wishes. Xx

[Hannah143]

Ah Hun, your poor hubby. That's very unfair. You will be ok, I'm flying to Spain for my FET next Friday and I'm going alone, we've discussed whether it's worth my hubby loosing a full days pay + the flight. I'll take a good book ! Good luck with your transfer xxx

[7AVA in reply to Hannah143]

Good luck Hannah, yes, I think as these things go on it becomes harder to justify the time off. Wishing you the very best of luck 🤞🤞🤞 As they say in Spanish, 'Que tu vaya bien!' Xxx

[DC13]

For my last FET my hubby did not come with me for practical reasons i.e. need to look after the animals as having treatment abroad.

I also had to go out for extra tests the other month only own and heading out for a FET in October on my own.

I know that it is not ideal and would prefer my husband was there but it is ok.

I think it is a bit different though when that is a decision we have made rather than having it forced on you by someone else.

Hang on in there. Maybe you could ask the clinic for some photos of the embryo/s. I know it is not the same but could be an option.

I hope all goes well for you

xx