New member

Hi everyone , this is my first time here . I don't know where to begin with my story so I'll try to cut it down. I fell pregnant with my first baby in 2012 , I had a healthy pregnancy but there were complications at the birth. My baby boy was delivered by emergency ceserian and he only lived for 3 hours . Our world fell apart . We are still heartbroken and have never got over him . We then fell pregnant a year after but I misscarried at 9 weeks . We then had a break as we were still grieving for our beautiful boy and now a miscarriage . We have now been trying for over 2 years but nothing has happened . I don't know where to turn or what to do now . I've been to see my gp but didn't get any help or advice . Has anyone experienced anything similar ? I'm a thinking about ivf but don't know much about it or where to start? Thanks

16 Replies

  • I am so deeply sorry for your losses and for the pain you and your partner continue to feel. Wishing you lots and lots of luck as you start the next part of your journey. I'm pretty new to IVF, due to start on Thursday so don't have much advice to share but there will be lots of people on here who can help. Sending you strength and positivity. Xx

  • Thank you ,sending the same to you too xx

  • It's a Shame that your GP had nothing much to say. Go back and say that you've been trying to have a baby for two years and nothing has happened so that you want to be referred for fertility treatment. Mention that NHS Guidelines do say that people should see their doctor after trying for one year unsuccessful

  • Thank you, I will make another appointment . I just felt my gp wasn't interested and didn't understand . He said I wouldn't be able to have ivf treatment on the NHS as my bmi is higher than it should be and they wouldn't even see me . hopefully they will be more helpfu when I go back . Thanks again

  • Ahh yes. What's your BMI? It needs to be 30 or below for NHS Treatment. How old are you?

  • I am 31 years old and my bmi is just over that. I am just starting to look in to going private but don't know where to start.

  • Yes indeed. My BMI was over but you can still be referred and they can take your bloods and test your husbands sperm. Then they will start the treatment once you lose the weight.

  • Your doctor shld still refer you regardless of bmi! Once referred and seen by clinic they go through everything yes they will encourage you to try reduce your bmi as they did with me! But your still entitled to be referred and have a consultation 😁 good luck and I hope works out for you xxx

  • Thank you , and good luck to you too ☺️Xx

  • Also the NHS Process is not always the fatest. Be firm with the doc and say that by the time you get an appointment and they test everything that you would have lost the weight.

  • These doctors sometimes. You could just slap them! My doc didn't even check my weight when he referred me. It's only when I saw the nurse at the hospital and they weighed me there. But they said they would take my bloods to test my hormones and test my partners Sperm. She also said that she would give me one year to lose the weight before having to be re-referred.

  • It's ridiculous , I'm going to have one last try at the doctors and see if they will do anything if not I will have to look at going private . Thanks

  • My husband and I were continually being fobbed off by the NHS (don't get me started on what I actually think) for five solid years, we were both in our middle 30's and they failed to diagnose my fibroid, and my o/h's low sperm motility. SO February this year we made a decision to bite the bullet and start looking at private clinics....we found one who did all the testing humanly possible, hence why we found out about the fibroid and sperm motility AND found out that my hormone levels were that of a woman 10 years younger. Needless to say I am on day 3 of the down regulating hormones and hopefully by the 2 October, we will have egg collection. In my case, I am relieved that we went private as you get specialised one to one care AND the CQC's (care quality commissions) are seriously looking at limiting or even removing NHS funded IVF treatment altogether to try and plug up the current deficit in the NHS.....they see infertility as non life threatening, therefore not essential advice, seriously look into the pros and cons of NHS vs. private....given your history, my personal view is to consider private....and DO your homework!

    Oh, and good luck and positive thoughts your way!!

  • Thank you , sending good luck to you too

  • So sorry to hear of the painful experiences you've had. I can't imagine how difficult a time you have had. We're having IVF with donor eggs and are waiting for a frozen transfer. I think ivf is definitely something worth exploring.

    The doctors should be able to help identify whether there are any reasons for your previous experiences and help try to do what they can to protect against them.

    I wish you all the luck in the world for your next steps. This forum is an absolute life saver - the ivf road isn't always straight forward but it really helps to have people on here who really understand the pain, worries, fears and when's bfp arrives the fact that the worries don't stop then. We celebrate each other's joy and are here to support each other through difficult times.


  • Sorry for your losses. It sounds like you've been through a horrendous time. Agree with the other ladies on here - keep pushing your GP for a referral. Th diagnosis phase can be done regardless of BMI, it's only the treatment that most places require you to be under 30. It could possibly take some time to get through the diagnosis phase so you have time to get your BMI under 30 if it looks like IVF will be the route you go down. My GP actually did the initial blood tests themselves before formally referring me so you could push for that as a starting point. The other thing to say is that the formal criteria before they allow referral is 2 years of trying (though different areas of the country are slightly different) so sounds like you meet that. If I were you I would look on the NICE website and print off their guidance and take it with me. Good luck!

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