So emotional..

[E_05]

Hey everyone,

These last few days I've been so emotional - I know I could easily put it down to the drugs as I'm 2 weeks into down reg but I'm not sure if it's more than that..

I just feel like I can't be bothered to do anything, I get up every morning and carry on with 'life' but would happily just stay on the sofa all day with my pups, I'm not even sure why I'm feeling like it.

Everywhere I turn there are pregnant women or women that have just had babies or conceive so easily & I can't help feeling bitterly jealous.

I'm desperately trying to stay positive for this cycle but I think I've put so much pressure on myself this last year saying I just need another fresh cycle to have my healthy baby I'm now starting to think what happens if i don't get as good quality embryos as last time etc.

This time last year I was pregnant, my hubby and I were planning how & when to tell family. Life was finally looking good and soon it'll be the anniversary of when I delivered my tiny precious baby.

Sorry for me rambling on, think everything's just getting to much 😢

[Lou9]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling - it is completely understandable after all you've been through, and are continuing to go through, to have days where all you want to do is hide away. Don't be hard on yourself or feel bad for why you feel this way, it is perfectly ok not to be ok and it sounds to me like you are an incredibly strong person. I think home comforts can become a bit of a safe haven during difficult times, almost like a protection from the rest of the world (who all seem to be pregnant or have babies!) and people's well intentioned, but often hurtful, comments. I can completely relate to how you are feeling.

You have experienced such a sad loss of a baby and a future you so desperately wanted and it is only natural to grieve for the 'what could have been' and to feel sad. Just know you are not alone.

I really hope this cycle is a success for you and I'm willing you on. Take care. Xx

[E_05 in reply to Lou9]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. Your so right, think it is about being somewhere I feel 'safe'. Definitely a few people have said 'it only takes 1 embryo' and I think I know that I'm not stupid but clearly just 1 embryo hasn't worked so far so that's not all it takes. I know they mean well though.

How is your journey going? X

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

I can totally relate to this and am feeling extremely low and depressed at the moment. I've said to my hubby today all I want to do is stay in bed where I don't see anyone pregnant or have to hear anything about babies. I'm not interested in anything and struggling with carrying on with normal "life". I've booked to see a counsellor on Friday and am hoping it helps.

I don't think people realise how tough this journey is. I can't stop crying every two minutes! Haven't got any great advice but wanted you to know you aren't alone.

Really hope this cycle is your turn xx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Aw so sorry your feeling this way to, it's just a hard journey to be on isn't it. I spoke to a counsellor after my last cycle and it really helped me so it hope does you to. Take care of yourself xx

[Lou9 in reply to E_05]

Hello, I hope you are doing ok and have enjoyed some cuddles from your pups today! It's so hard when people say things that they think are helpful but aren't in the slightest. After my ectopic, I found myself avoiding everyone apart from my husband, parents and sister as I was so worried about things people would say and I knew I wasn't strong enough for it.

As far as my journey goes, we are due back at the ACS in 3 weeks time to discuss my protocol and start date for ICSI. Depending on how busy they are, it will either be Sept or Oct when I start. Time seems to be standing still at the moment and we feel a bit in limbo!

Anyway, I hope you have managed to do something nice for yourself today. As iloveeggs says, you are bravely putting yourself through so much and the drugs will be taking their toll. So put yourself first and take care. Xx

[E_05 in reply to Lou9]

Ah thank you again, yeah had a good cuddle with my pups which definitely helps especially my girl I'm sure she 'knows' I'm not right.

I know what you mean about being in limbo its so hard when your waiting to start, lots of luck for your apt xx

[Hidden]

Hello there. I am sorry to hear you are feeling a bit low. It's totally natural and okay to feel this way.

I agree with all the other ladies replies here but wanted to add, that I really think the down reg drugs do take their toll. I was really tired when i was downregging. I did nap a lot, I have to admit.

They can make you feel quite apathetic, which again is completely normal.

Don't give yourself a hard time for what is to be expected. Be kind to yourself. You are being very brave going through IVF, some won;t even do this. So pat yourself on the back and give yourself a treat.

Perhaps a trip to a nice cinema with hubby, given this weather. Or curl up in front of a movie xxx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. I'm so glad you said that as I've napped the last few days 🙈 didn't remember doing it my previous cycles but I'm sure I must of lol

Hope things are going well for you xx

[KatVonB]

Hey

Listen its hard for a person not TTC to have these emotions to manage, throw in the conception thing and u have a cocktail of emotions all mixed up.

It seems to me you are going through a grieving process and this is a difficult journey unfortunately but it is not an impossible one.

You know your strengths. You know what works for your moods and what doesn't. I mean i know at least 11 ppl within my personal circle who are due or just had a baby and the pressure can be immense.

But in all of this never forget; you are human. Feelings of sadness, difficulty to try to keep happy at all times, smiling all the time and feeling good for others is not as easy as people think. So don't feel bad for feeling bad i say. You are entitled to a moment of self reflection and emotional balancing & sometimes that means going through some very tough negative emotions.

But always remember that you and yur happiness are and should always be your priority. You are a strong person and will get past this.

Small story: there was a king who asked one of his advisors to inscribe his ring with a quote that if he was happy it would ground him and remind him of reality and if he was sad it would make him feel that there is a better future. His advisor gave him the ring after inscribing it and it stated "This moment will soon pass"

So remember, this moment will soon pass hun xx

[E_05 in reply to KatVonB]

Aw thank you for your lovely post, I'm gona remember that story its so true. I think we can get caught up in our feelings and it feels like it'll never get better but I'm sure it will x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I felt like this on down reg drug buserelin on my first cycle but not my second. I described it to my hubbie as feeling like all the joy had been sucked out of the world.

[E_05 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Yes your so right! I don't remember feeling it on the my first or 2nd, last cycle I remember feeling tired and quite emotional and this time it seems to be going the same way. Hope things are going okay for you x

[ClarabGlasgow]

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way, we all have our moments. Try not to let it consume you but I think also don't push it away, just let the emotions pass through, make peace with them and move on. Life is so full of ups and downs and I agree there seem to be pregnant women everywhere! Think of it this way: you have started the drugs so you are on the journey to a possibly wonderful destination but worst case scenario you get off where you started where your lovely hubby and pups will be there to support and comfort you. Good luck xxx

[E_05 in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Thank you, that's true I feel a bit better today just hard to always keep positive after so much heart ache xx

[MimiSvet]

Hope you guys succeed - you have to take alot of care of yourself ! Take your vitamins, excersisse, and have a positive mind.