Emotional rollercoaster, not coping well

Stepped foot outside the house yesterday after disappointment of BFN on Friday and felt so alien in my surroundings. Shell shocked that life has suddenly changed overnight. Haven't slept through a night since Friday and now face the prospect of going back to work. The reality of being so unprepared during my 2ww is creeping up on me and I can't stop thinking that I didn't do enough to nurture my two precious embryos. Most of all I feel so sorry to my husband who looked after me so meticulously during that time but I didnt appreciate the delicacy of the situation. I'm trying not to blame myself, and to stay positive and focused on the future but I'm really struggling. When does it get better? Sorry for negativity πŸ˜“

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  • Aw I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Please dont be too hard on yourself. It's a learning curve for all of us ivf girls. I remember feeling exactly the same with my first cycle. It's still raw for you both at the moment and you both need time to grieve. I think once you have your follow up appt/discussion you might feel a bit better. I'm sure you did more than enough to nurture the embryos. You're just blaming yourself but really you did your bit the rest was down to nature. Your body rejected the embryos for a reason. Remember you still have lots of hormones flying around so your emotions are bound to be all over the place. Can you arrange a counselling appt at the hospital? I found it very helpful. Plan some nice things with hubby, nice food, some well earned drinks, have your nails done, go to the cinema - anything to distract yourselves and help you both through this tough part of the journey. Remember you have your wee frostie waiting patiently to be reunited with you. Sending you much love & hugs πŸ’š x x

  • Never be sorry, you had a chance and it just wasn't the baby for you this time. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up and carry on but you can. You have an amazingly supportive husband by the sounds of it, take time to show your appreciation of him.

  • I felt so shocked that our first round didn't work as everything had gone exactly as it was supposed to. I feel so sad as well as angry, but mostly sad. It took quite a while to feel more like my usual self. I thought I was coping OK until a pregnancy announcement less than 2 weeks after the BFN. You could self certify or get your GP to sign you off work if you need more time to recover, especially as you haven't slept properly. Time has helped but it still feels unfair.

    Try not to blame yourself, there's nothing else you could have done and take time to recover emotionally and physically.

  • Thanks everyone for helping me to get through this. I would feel guilty taking time off work now when it would have made more sense doing it two weeks ago. I feel so foolish. A huge learning curve and cruel lesson for not being more prepared and mature.

  • I didn't have time of during 2ww but went off sick after hearing my friend's pregnancy announcement. If you're not well enough for work you need time off. Don't feel guilty, think of your emotional and physical health. You can't really prepare for how you react to such a big disappointment.

    Take care.

  • Hi know exactly how u feel as got my negative test after two perfect blastocysts we're transferred.. had to go back to work to pregnant colleague who is due in December.. I would of bn due January but first ivf was chemical pregnancy .. never felt so sad before and angry and all other emotions fighting inside me and head bursting with question Why and what to do to make it all better next time.. we want to try new year again but the idea of Christmas and another 3 month til we try is scary... don't know what to do where to turn.. I am acting OK in front of family coz don't want to hurt them more but inside am breaking every minute of every day.. really no words help but we have to stay strong.. just for sake of baby that's might be waiting for us.. that's what keeps me strong.. if I give up.. it's like giving up on my unborn child x stay strong x

  • I didn't take time off work during the 2ww. I tried to continue as normal plus I found it helped pass the time and was a good distraction. If I'd stayed home I'd have went stir crazy, especially during the 2nd week as that's when I felt it the most (and the worry & anxiety kicked in big time) πŸ’œ x x

  • I didn't take time off during the 2 ww. It would have been agonising. Out of 8 rounds I had 5 BFN, 2 chemical, and 1 successful pregnancy. You would have thought by the 2nd or 3rd BFN, I'd be used to it, but it always hurts. And it does take a while to get over it. Take the time you need and don't feel bad about it. You've been through so much. πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

  • So sorry for the news. I was in your place not too long ago. I might still be there partially. Honestly, no one can tell you when it gets better because everyone is so different with different circumstances. I too went through a failed Clomid and IVF cycle and several years of just "trying." This is and was the ultimate treatment and it didn't work. I too blames myself. Still do that. Especially when our IVF payment comes along at the 11th of every single month. I get angry and then sad knowing we are paying all this money with no baby in hand. It's the hardest rollercoaster of emotions. I used my faith A LOT. It helps. Time helps most. I used to be on the floor screaming and crying for days and now I actually function so I know that time has helped heal. Do not be confused in me saying that it cures, it just helps ease the pain. Trust me, not a day goes by I don't think about it. May 29th of this year will forever be embedded in my head, it was my negative beta results. I am sorry for your struggle but know there are others out there just like you feeling the same way. Wishing you the best!!!!

  • Hi i know how you feel we had a negative test 2months ago it still hurts. I had a i took a week off whilst going thru treatment but went back to work in last week of the 2 wk wait. Because im on a fixed term contract i decided to put in a request for reduced hours to 28 hrs instead of full time to give me the chance go on hosp appts and docs if necessary without making big deal of it at work. Well what mistake i thought my manager would have called a meeting to discuss this but she just handed me a later as a her response.Anyway i actually asked to not work a tues as most appts are early on in the week.,she says this woyldnt possible early week but would later in week cos we are a small team. I think i will just use my annual leave instead but i am so close to handing in my notice bec just cant be bothered with the hassle. I need to have a small op which requires recovery time and a colposcopy. I have couple of job interviews but they are in the private sector, who knows if I stand a chance.I am curently working for the publicsector which is suppose to be more 'flexible'.

    Upset and fed up are understatements.

  • This is exactly me 22 days ago. Yesterday was one of the first days I did not cry

    This is so hard to go through.

    Sending you hugs

  • It's not your fault sweetie! I really believe it's down to the embryo, the mum can't control if they continue to develop. Don't torture yourself when it's down to luck. Fingers crossed you're lucky next time. Take care xx

  • Don't feel guilty, it seems you did everything you could have done. It always upsets me that so many women get pregnant without even trying when we try so hard to do things right and it still doesn't work.

    If you need some time off then don't force yourself back to work. I went in the day after my bfn and was an emotional mess, just kept my head down as if anyone asked if I was ok that would have been enough to push me over the edge. I few days after going back I ended up having a bit of a breakdown as I just couldn't cope with work. There was nothing unusual about my work load but I just couldn't handle it that day. I sobbed to my boss that I should probably go home, he agreed. It's the closest I've ever been to depression. Don't underestimate what a big deal this is, it's a kind of grief.

    Be kind to your self and allow yourself time to work through it xx

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