Not coping....

[Jessy1280]

Reaching out purely because I'm not coping and have nobody to speak to. The realisation has hit me that I have no ivf cycles left. Despite all my best attempts with taking supplements (lots of) in cycles two and three that my egg quality much be crap. None to freeze. Fertilisation rates and poorer grades every cycle.

Ive got just two good ones left from cycle 1 when I was taking absolutely nothing. (hatching 5ba and a day 6 4bb). Surely my egg quality hasn't worsened that much in just 12 months? Highest I got in cycle 2 was 4ab and cycle 3 just 3-4bb on its way to becoming a 4aa apparently. I don't understand why this isn't working. Keep wondering if I transfer the last two and they fail, how bad will my egg quality be once I hit 40-41.

Totally scared of never being a mum. I wake depressed every day knowing I lost my only hope in December during my mmc. I've been off work ever since and I dread going back. I'm just not ready. I feel like I've left it too late to become a mother now 😢 💔. Ivf is slowly destroying me but I'm not ready to give it up xxx

[Coles2020]

Bless you Jessy, it’s heartbreaking and soul destroying. I really hope you find the strength to not give up. Have some ‘me’ time - work towards feeling mentally and physically strong - people so have a lot of success stories from 40 and above. Hugs 🤗 xx

[ttcemmie]

Oh Jessy. So sorry to hear this. I know how you feel - my eggs somehow deteriorated in just one year to just one good (average?) embryo of 3BB on this last cycle. Nothing to freeze. I have been taking so many supplements and put on the weight needed and thought I would be in a better place this round, not worse. I have been struggling along since my mmc last year also and it is a nightmare. IVF is awful, but I also can't give up because I need to be a mum. It's just when will it end? Stay strong. You will be a mum and this "journey" won't be forever (even though it feels like it right now). We just need to get lucky - to keep trying and to keep hoping. Sending lots of love. xxxx

[LunaLovegood11]

Sending a big virtual hug xxx IVF is so much luck, it’s just horrible xxx

[Hidden]

So sorry Jessy you feel this way. I think we spoke re the supplements before and its not always helping.

Its easier said than done but you hear these stories about girlies going through everything and its not working and then they change a small thing in the protocol or approach and they end up pregnant. Also you mentioned your frosties so there is still hope! And as we age so does science progress so for now please keep hope sister. Sorry if not much help.

High5

Please be kind to your self. ❤️

[Jessy1280]

Thanks for your replies. I literally can't stop crying. It's made worse by covid-19 and not knowing when we can try again xx

[Butterfly321]

I’m so sorry to hear this. I totally feel your pain. My egg quality deteriorated in 6 months and now I’m taking supplements hoping it’ll have an impact but who knows. Both my sister and sister-in-law are pregnant and it’s killing me 😢 sending love to you xx

[Tiddly1984]

Hi Jessy, I’m sorry you’re struggling with things at the moment. I can imagine how things are working together right now to make you feel anxious such as the failed cycles, your age and the current crisis etc. However the embryos you have left are decent grades and hold some promise. Perhaps just focus on transferring those embryos once transfers are allowed again and take it from there. Focusing on the potentially negative factors every day when you have absolutely no control right now will just make you feel like a wreck and you will carry those stresses into any transfer you have. Can you try to use this time to focus on yourself and getting yourself to a better place emotionally and psychologically. Take issue with what you can control right now and get yourself into the best place possible so that when the time comes you feel more resilient and are better placed to handle the process. I feel like you need to step back and take care of yourself because it will be better for you both in the short and long term...x

[Hope4040]

Hi Jessy,

Please don’t concentrate so much on embryo grades. You hear so many stories on here of people not been successful with the higher graded embryos but then falling pregnant with 4bb’s.

I’m turning 40 in June and I know how your feeling. I had 2 miscarriages last year and that nearly destroyed me, I was extremely depressed for most of the year.

We changed clinics and went privately abroad. I was fortunate enough to get a fresh cycle in at the end of Feb / beginning of March. I had 2 x 4bb embryos implanted and I got a positive result. I’m know waiting on the viability scan which will be next week and I’m dreading it as it brings back a lot of horrible memories from last year where there was no heart beat.

All I can say is don’t give up and don’t be disheartened by your embryo grades because you can fall pregnant with those grades. Xxx

[shia001 in reply to Hope4040]

My scan is next week too and I am so much dreaded too as i misscarried a year ago, hope God will bless us Ameen

[MrsH17]

Hi Jessy

This is a sad post to read but it is really good that you are able to express yourself and reach out to others that have been in your situation.

One of the worse parts of trying to conceive is the lack of control of something you know would make you feel complete. It’s frustrating that you can’t make it happen for yourself. However, we have to try and channel that frustration into other things. It’s not going to get us what we want so we have to try and put our focus somewhere else and believe that you will be a mum one day.

Have you had any counselling? Your feelings are completely normal but may be worth speaking to someone who can help you mentally cope.

Feel free to message me anytime

I hope you are feeling better since joy posted this xxx

[Kurstx]

Hi Jessy, I’m so sorry to hear this I completely understand how you feel sending you lots of love. ❤️ Ivf is so hard no one can prepare you for the disappointments and hurt you may go through 😢 and with everything that’s going on just now and not knowing when ivf will start again it makes things even harder to cope with. I know it’s hard especially right now but don’t give up hope, look after yourself and if you ever need to chat feel free to message me. ❤️❤️ xx

[Corchi]

I’m so sorry for the pain your feeling. I don’t really know or have something to say but just wanted to say we are all here and sending you courage and love in this difficult time. Keep your faith and keep believing. 💪🏼🎈♥️