I'm so up and down!

[Gem11]

I was ok the last few days after our second negative round , positive even but I'm really down and emotional again now, I keep having awful dreams too x

[emu2016]

big hugs xx

[Gem11 in reply to emu2016]

Thanks xx

[beauty1984]

Give yourself the day to feel sad and process how your feeling then pick yourself back up again. It's lovely outside so go for a nice walk in the sunshine and clear your head, I find that works for me. Don't give up x

[Gem11 in reply to beauty1984]

Thank you, I feel silly pouring out on here, but other people don't understand xx

[beauty1984 in reply to Gem11]

It's not silly, this I've found is the best place as everyone understands what's it like. Stay strong, we will all get our happy endings x

[Hidden]

Gem, I'm only going through my first treatment so haven't been through what you're going through but can only imagine it's completely normal. Even the monthly emotions of TTC is such a rollercoaster, I can only imagine the treatment just heightens that.

Look after yourself and take the time you need to heal. Xx

[Gem11 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks you x I hope yours goes well, if you need anyone to talk to just message me x

[Amanda86]

Hey Gem,

It's so normal to feel up and down. I remember having the good and bad days too.

This place is exactly where you should vent because we all understand completely how your feeling.

Take each day as it comes. Let yourself feel however your feeling. It's a tough journey and we're all incredibly strong to have got to where we are now so remember that 😊

Take care xxx

[Georgina78]

I'm exactly the same Gem, I can be fine, positive, enjoying things then wake up the next day feeling low with nothing having changed since the day before..or I can be doing really well then have a pregnancy announcement which sends me on a downward spiral 🙁 It's just the rollercoaster of infertility & totally normal I guess but it's just horrible isn't it. It's such a beautiful day and we should be loving it but I can't stop thinking about the fact that our sister in law is telling my hubbys parents today that they're going to be grandparents, we just wish it were us 😢

You're not alone Hun, hope tomorrow is a better day xx

[Gem11 in reply to Georgina78]

I know my sister has the first family baby in 2 weeks and I'm currently making a baby bouncer for her. It's hard I'm so pleased for her and I can't wait to meet the baby but it's a constant reminder of our failures 😘😘😘

[Georgina78 in reply to Gem11]

That's what it is, the constant reminder of what we're missing and want soooo much. We're very occasionally able to put it to the back of our minds when we're doing something nice that we enjoy and there aren't babies or bumps around but when it's someone so close it's just a slap in the face over & over 😕

I really hope you manage ok when the baby comes and he or she only enriches your life. That's how I'm really hoping I'll feel, there's just a scared part of me worried I'll feel bitter 😳 Sending hugs, don't feel alone because you're really not xx

[Gem11 in reply to Georgina78]

Thank you that means so much to me that you feel the same xxx

[Georgina78 in reply to Gem11]

😘

[ch319]

😞💜

[Hidden]

Sending big hugs your way lovely. It's such a hard journey but you've found the best place to vent.

I've not quite started our journey yet, awaiting next AF to the start injections but I know this place will be invaluable. Take care of yourself xx

[Gem11 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I hope your cycle goes well xxx

[Daxi16]

Stay strong you will get there even if it seems impossible now. It's totally normal to be up and down with what you have gone through. If you ever need to talk feel free to msg me. Lots of hugs xxx

[Gem11 in reply to Daxi16]

Thank you that means a lot xxx

[72cloud9]

U are reacting completely normally Hun.dont be too hard on yourself! Give it time.big hugs xxx

[Lucylu_88]

Thinking of you. This journey is so difficult. I was so down the other day and posted on here. The kind words of others really lifted me and I hope they do the same for you too.

Take care of yourself xx

[Gem11 in reply to Lucylu_88]

Thank you dx

[Sunshine09]

Keep smiling ❤💋

[_MrsC]

Hi Gem. We've just had our first failed cycle and like you I've had up and down days. Today is a down day for me as I've just got my second bleed after being five days late. I try really hard to not think what if but sometimes it happens and then it's like a sledgehammer when it doesn't happen. I've just started having acupuncture and find that does help to relax me. Have you tried it? x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

Only recently, I tried it just before my transfer bug I will do it properly next time. I finished bleeding today but have been very emotional today xx how are you feeling?😘

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

I'm glad you've finished today. At least once you've finished you can feel like there's another chance ahead. I regret not doing acupuncture for the first cycle so am going to continue with it for the second one. They say I'm cold which makes sense as I do have circulatory problems. I'm hoping next time, the acupuncture will help to keep my uterus warm by sending the blood flow there. I've been ok today whilst I've been busy but just had a cry this evening. Hubby is being lovely. You? x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

I'm keeping busy decorating the house but I'm finding it harder this time. Plus I've fallen out with my friend, she told me in over dinner at the harvester as I was crying about my failed attempt that she's 12 weeks pregnant, and when I tried to explain how her timing was hurtful she said she understands , it's normal for me to be jealous that she's got one first! Really what is wrong with people? How can't they see what we go through, it's not a game about who wins first!!! I'm just so annoyed with everything !!!! How's your other half coping??

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

Wow it's like our friends are the same. I've lost my best friend altogether in similar circumstances. When she told me she was 11 weeks pregnant after 'struggling' for 5 months to conceive I said how lucky she was and she said, "yes but I don't know if I can have another one". At that point, we'd been trying for two and a half years. She told me she knew it would be hard for me that she had one first but that if her first engagement had actually gone through then it would have worked out like that anyway. She then proceeded to text me the day after Mother's Day to ask me if I was any happier. It was like being punched in the stomach. I don't really know how to manage my friendships like this anymore. I completely understand how you feel and know I can't expect my friends who are so lucky to understand but I just think a bit of empathy would be nice. x

[_MrsC in reply to _MrsC]

Realised I didn't answer your question about hubby. He's ok. He's very strong and the nicest man. He's so genuinely pleased for other people when they share their news. His good nature helps remind me to be pleased for others and he's very loving towards me too. We know we'll be ok if it's just the two of us. We've been together for 13 and a half years. We would just love a little one to share our love. How about your other half? x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

John is similar but it hurts me that I can't give him a baby, he once said that his ambition was to be a good father and that sticks in my mind. We've been together 7 years married 5 and he loves me with or without a baby. It's hard not to feel responsible though. We find the process brings us even closer which is the silver lining I guess.😘we're planning on going away in may before we start again to get some time together x

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

He sounds lovely! I agree about being stronger as a result. They do say ivf tests a marriage don't they? I'm glad for us both that we don't have to worry about our marriages on top of e everything else. Nick would love a son or daughter to take to the football. He has a really close relationship with his dad so desires that himself. Going away sounds a good plan. We're going to Bruges on Weds actually. x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

I think a break does the world of good, change of scenery and all. I'd like it if we could stay in touch on here, hopefully we should be going through it again at the same time. X

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

Definitely Hun. Talking to you this evening has really helped so thank you. 😘 Just knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this is reassuring. x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

Great, night speak soon 😘

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

Thanks, I think her behaviour is out of order towards you! It feels like people can't help but have a little dig just to prove that theyre better because they have a baby! I'm having a break from my friend now and I won't tell her next time we do ivf. What is next for you? Will u try again??

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

I agree. It does feel as though there is a hierarchy. Now all of our friends have babies, we're left out of things as we don't have things in common any more. I think you're right to avoid her for a while. She needs to reflect on how she's treated you. We didn't tell anyone at all about our cycle and we're glad about that. We felt that we couldn't handle the pressure of having to tell people and then manage their disappointment as well as ours. I'm glad we did this as it made the initial result easier to cope with I think. We're booked in again for June time and we won't tell anyone. I have 3 adult nieces so for my family they're disappointed for us but for my husband's, they'll be disappointed for them as we're their really only likely chance to be grandparents. My sister is sad about not being an aunt but in reality she'll become a grandma in the not too distant future I reckon. I think that will be tough for me although I'd be thrilled for my nieces. x

[Gem11 in reply to _MrsC]

Yes my sister is about to have a baby , the first grandchild in the family so that is hard but exciting at the same time. Just wish it was us aswell. We have a telephone consent on 5 June so hopefully will start again in July. What hospital are you under?? I'm at the women's in Birmingham x

[_MrsC in reply to Gem11]

That is hard. I am thankful that I was only 14 when my eldest niece was born. My sister is nearly 11 years older than me and had her kids early on. Being an auntie is different from being a friend's kid's auntie because you are related to the child. I adore the girls and know that if they were to tell me I was going to be a great aunt, after initially feeling ancient, I would be thrilled because they'll be little versions of them. That's not to say that I wouldn't feel it negatively too because I think I would but perhaps more in terms of the age thing. I hope your call goes ok and you can start in July. I'm at Kingston in Surrey. x