Where do i go from now?

Hie everyone. Sorry for the long post.

It has been a while since i last made a post, and it was great news when i got a BFB. I was so excited that i endured the pregnancy sickness no matter how hard. That was until i went for a 9wks scan and found no heartbeat. Turned out i had a missed miscarriage. The gestational sac was there but no life. my embryos stopped developing at 6 weeks. And all this time i was sick for nothing. I was so angry...but at who?

So i had D&C and i am still recovering. I still have 3 frozen embryos. My Dr says i can try in 2 months. I do not know what is best. To wait or go for it. This happiness was snatched right from my face. The biopsy results from the D&C say nothing was genetically wrong with the embryos or my uterus. So what did i do wrong?

18 Replies

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  • **BFP i mean

  • sorry to hear about your loss

    but it is definitely better to follow your dr's advice and wait. especially with fertility treatment

    believe me it won't help if you overtire yourself, your body.

    use those embies next time for sure if they are of a good quality

  • Hello I too went through the same thing and had blighted ovum.

    You haven't done anything wrong Hun. Miss carriage is a terrible thing . I too felt I had done something wrong but in fact I followed everything I should of followed .

    It will all be a dark place for you right now as you go through the stages of blame and anger but also grief. If ever you need a chat I am here for you . My inbox is always open xx

  • Thank you @

    romaluna2015

  • You did nothing wrong. Mc is so unfair. It's natural to feel as you do. It took me a long time to recover from a missed mc from a natural conception. You don't need to rush into a decision, take time to rest, recuperate physically and emotionally and grieve your loss.

  • aaw, sweetie, get well! I can't imagine how hard it is...mc is always a tragedy. if you are ready mentally then you can try, but in my opinion, you need to have more time for recovery. unfortunately, it's a common issue when doctors can't find out the reasons for infertility. i read an article about it... one third of all infertility problems is unexplained...maybe your next attempt will give you better result. Keep fingers crossed for you! x

  • You did nothing wrong. It's so sad that so many early pregnancies end in miscarriage but you have 3 frozen ones to try and you got pregnant last time, that's a positive.

    Do you feel ready to try in 2 months? That's all that really matters

    X

  • Sending lots of hugs. Thats a tough story so unfair and all of our nightmare fears right there.

    Not sure if this helps..but I remember a girl in work who was 20 wks pregnant and had her scan. They had to terminate cos baby wasn't developing properly. A lot of vital organs werent there. She was devastated and didn't return for months. Anyway they went on holiday and she conceived naturally and had a totally healthy baby full term. Just go to show some times it all comes good. I hope this can help you again to try again.

    Be strong πŸ’ͺ❀xx

  • So sorry to hear this. I too had a mc last year and went completely off the rails for a while. I couldn't believe it happened to me after so many years of ttc and finally being pregnant. The pain was so immense that I honestly thought I was crazy to have ever started fertility treatment. But somehow after the initial shock, bewilderement and grieving, I began to search for answers. There weren't any although I so desperately wanted to fix whatever was wrong with me. Or to blame someone, even if me. Every day seemed pointless. But every day I got a bit stronger without realising it and two months later decided to try again. I needed to prove to myself that I've done everything I could to achieve my dream and also thought that my chances of getting pregnant would be better after being pregnant. I don't know if it is true but the newly found hope helped me to deal with my loss and prepare for the next cycle. The vast majority of mcs occur because of chromosomic abnormalities ie not viable pregnancies, not because of something we do. I get periods of sadness still but life has to go on. Don't start treatment before you feel ready but I honestly don't think that waiting too long and dwelling on the loss will help you either. There needs to be a cut off point when you have to let go - only you will know when you've reached that day. It is all so scary and if it helps you there are some good sites, support groups and help available for life after mc. I wish I had reached out more and it is very good that you are here. You are healing even if it doesn't feel like it. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a big fat hug with arms around you and remind your mind that you did nothing wrong and you will be ok xoxo

  • Thank you Nesfin. That`s so positive. Blame game causes so much self destruction. I realized i have shut out everyone close to me including my DH. You are right, i need to move on, I know i am strong woman, i just can`t give up. Thanks xxx

  • I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating isn't it.

    We had exactly the same thing happen to us and I had a missed miscarriage in January and surgery.

    I ask myself the same question but we did not nothing wrong.

    We have also been advised to move forward quickly if we can handle it emotionally. Why. Well there is a lot of data out there that women are more susceptible to become pregnant after a miscarriage. We are going to move forward quickly. I am just waiting for myHCG to drop as still high.

    I wish you well with whatever you choose to do. PM me if you want to chat more.

    Xxxx

  • Sorry to hear you are going through the same ordeal. I`m praying the 2nd time is our lucky time. I hope to try again soon

  • Firstly so sorry for ur loss &!secondly u didn't do anything wrong!! Sadly these things happen & are out of our control & im so sorry it happened to you.

    I would go with doctors advice on timing as he will know what your body can handle but make sure at that point u feel mentally strong enough.your embies aren't going anywhere so if mentally u need longet, take the time u need x

  • Your more than welcome. This forum is the only forum I come to when I'm feeling upset or need support from those who truly understand xx

  • Im so sorry that this happened to you. I too had a miscarriage last year and it absolutely destroyed me. After a few months I started to think of trying again but I just couldn't. I blamed myself for months and months and would break my heart crying. One of my best friends fell pregnant naturally within two weeks of trying and was due 4 days after I would have been due. This compounded my heartbreak but I was happy that she was starting her family. It took me until after the due date and xmas to mentally feel like I'd drawn a line under it. Everyone will cope with things in their own time don't rush back into it until you feel both physically and mentally ready. We start treatment hopefully middle March and although I'm terrified I'm excited that this could be the next chapter in our lives. X

  • All the best for you dear. I am going to wait a few months, and try to relax.

  • I like your thinking. X

  • Oh my love you did absolutely nothing wrong. Please don't think like that. I am so sorry for your loss. What a cruel process this is. I hope you are taking some time for yourself and taking care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up or go looking for answers that aren't there. It took me a long time to realise that. I really hope that, in time, you can find the strength to go again with your frozen embryos. Sending much much love x x x

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