Feeling a bit lost....

I am going through a bit of a difficult time after three IVF cycles and one miscarriage in February 2016 - I am 43 years old - pregnant again but currently going through a threatened miscarriage at eight weeks (with a slow heartbeat and the fetal pole has stopped growing at six weeks and two days). I am going over to NHS today to have a scan but I know the inevitable. I am feeling very low and trying to cope with confused hormones and the reality of no more IVF and a future without children. I know it is best to take one step at a time but going through a miscarriage and waiting for the heartbeat to stop is so hard especially when it is looming yet unconfirmed. Would be ever so grateful for anyone who wants to connect with me. Thanks.

[KittyK]

Hey there. Im not in exactly the same situation as you but I didn't want to read and run. I am too on my third IVF and last time had a miscarriage early in the summer at 6 weeks, we just went to the scan at 7 weeks and it was a sac filled with blood and nastiness.

This time I am waiting for my 8 week scan on Tuesday and dreading bad news, just a feeling I can't shake. Wish I could offer some more constructive support for you but you're not alone even though I know you feel it and all thoughts with you I'm not on NHS as they didn't fund IVF in my area (so not sure how the process works that way round) but I went to counselling after my last loss and while at the time I didn't think it helped, looking back it did to sit there and just cry and scream at someone who is outside of your box and who you don't have to worry about? All thoughts with you sweetheart xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to KittyK]

Hello again. Aw sorry to hear you are going through a bit of an anxious time. I am exhausted from all the stress and anxiety and very keen to move on. Typical me. I have found IVF unbearably hard over the past three years and the reality for me to carry a heather baby to birth at over 40yesrs old is quite disheartening to be honest. My partner and I are trying to deal with the loss and the strong possibility of no children of our own. We don't want to adopt. Ugh it is sad and desperate and frightening all at the same time. I have a psychotherapist and that will help. Hope your scan in a week goes okay. I had mine today and it confirmed a miscarriage. I am releaved but low and sad and horribly up and down / depressed. Off to a Pantomime with my partner to try to forget about everything and have a laugh. The thing we have is each other and our sense of humour. 😂😂😂😂 so..... let me know how you go if you want to. Thanks for replying that was kind of you.

[pm27]

I'm really sorry. I experienced a missed mc from a natural conception at 40 years old and that was before we were told we needed ICSI. The EPU staff were great. I hope that they look after you well at this difficult time.

[Hidden in reply to pm27]

Thanks that's really kind. Sorry to hear about your loss it is quite tough isn't it. I cannot help thinking such is life... but nothing I say to myself really helps at the moment as I am still a bit up and down and numb - but bless you for your kind words. The EPU staff are very supportive. Dreading the aftermath of the operation but at the same time looking forward to moving on.

[pm27 in reply to Hidden]

It took me a long time to come to terms with the missed mc. I wish I'd had the surgical procedure to get it completed quicker. I choose the medical management and it took weeks. I felt numb and in shock for weeks. I had some counselling which helped.

[Hidden in reply to pm27]

Glad to hear your counselling helped. I am getting a lot from my psychotherapy. There are so many rollercoasters aren't there. Anyway sending you love and peace for this New Year.

[Mantaray75]

So sorry to hear your news. Can't offer you anything positive except to say that I feel a bit of what you're going through. I'm 41 and after my last failed IVF a month ago I felt that I was coming to terms with not having my own child. Then a trip back to the UK and meeting various friends and family babies and I'm a wreck again. The only good bit was bonding with my 2 year old adopted niece (my sister also had IVF and a miscarriage) prior to adopting but I realise it isn't for everyone.

I had a miscarriage back in August which I'm still coming to terms with. I had to have an ERPC due to heavy bleeding and extreme pain and I'm glad I did. I don't think I could have coped with dragging it out but then my symptoms were pretty severe.

One day at a time. x

[Hidden in reply to Mantaray75]

Oh my goodness bless you, your journey through IVF sounds heartbreaking. It's hard to be philosophical all the time isn't it. I am having my operation on Tuesday and I am pleased to be getting it done dinner rather than later. Moving on gets easier after that. But yes, absolutely right, one day at a time. I am considering adoption with my partner in terms of talking about it but st the moment we can't quite see further than getting through each day.... thanks for your kind note I really appreciate it.

[mannamay]

Oh hon, i'm so sorry for your loss and everything you went through...I almost lost any hope after my second failed IVf and I was 47...I was thinking about surrogacy and adoption and these thoughts didn't make me happy, it's complicated to explain. Well, before giving up I decoded to have my last try, I was too old to continue in Czech clinic and moved to Ukraine. According to my tests results, ivf was possible only with donor eggs...I signed a contract for 2 attempts with a clinic and it worked! Don't know how and what's the secret, but it did. I didn't mean to hurt you telling about my success but it's just to inspire you or something. I was a desperate 49yo woman and I got my chance. Maybe you shouldn't give up yet...anyways,wish you all the best!! Cheer up x

[Hidden in reply to mannamay]

Wow I am so moved by your story and incredibly kind words. Thank you from my heart. I am happy for you that it worked. I am 43 and maybe I have another chance.... today I was supposed to go into hospital for an operation but it was cancelled due to NHS (meh!!) so tomorrow, Wednesday, I have my operation and this will help me to move on emotionally and physically too. It is amazing that your IVF worked - and so cool that you went for donor eggs. A friend of mine used donor eyes at 50years old and it worked too. Something to think about for me. Also i totally understand what you mean about adoption and fostering - I am not happy with that either. Your kind note and thoughtfulness has made me smile. Sending you lots of love and gratitude. ✨🙏🏻💫❤️️

[mannamay in reply to Hidden]

Oh, you're so sweet! You definitely shouldn't stop trying!!

What about your operation? how do you feel right now?

If you were in my clinic you would know that it's a usual thing to have a baby at 50 haha. seriously, there were so many couples hm...with huge experience, I met nobody youngr than 40 actually. I thought I was like a granny there but it's not trye. You see, the reason I decided not to have baby earlier it's just that i didn't want my kid to grow up without daddy. My father left when I was 9 and it was tough for me and esp my mother, she suffered a lot and I think her permanent depression made her leave this world being young...you know, I'm now happy I have a great family but you know I'm concerned that Lily, my DD, will stay alone maybe when she's at school...i always try not to think of it but sometimes this feeling of inevitability overfills me and I'm afraid to share it with my husband...anyways, i don't regret anything...i gave a birth to a small wonder who makes me happy every single day!

Lots of love to you! keep me updated! x