Update no 100000

Well, yesterday was our 16 weeks scan in the clinic!

We had a lot of fun I guess that day haha we saw our babies!!!!!! they looked so cute *___* the doctor still cannot tell the gender of both but she said that we can expect boys although she is not 100 percent sure of it. well, I guess we are still waiting. You know that it is always hard to tell till you actually see your kids, sometimes when drs say that it is a boy women deliver girls. and I know that it is ok and perfectly fine for us. you know, we even find it exciting this expectation of gender reveal :)

we met our SM again and we gave her a small present (a Pandora bracelet), I hope she liked it because we had put only 3 small beads... I do not know...

well, she seemed very happy and satisfied I guess, we were laughing all the time she was having her scan (which was indeed no help)

well, everything has ended too quickly and I was so sad to not being able to stay with our surrogate mother longer but she had her train and she had to go.... I am a bit sad but I guess we're going to meet again so there's nothing to worry about except for the babies but I know that she's in the good hands :)

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  • Bethany, it is amazing how you keep on updating, I think that I am not the only one who likes to read such full stories on forums like this!

    Great that you have met your Sm and saw your kids. I am sure that you were the happiest woman on the Earth when you saw your kids on the monitor!

    Keep going hun!

  • Thank you hun!

    I am doing my best to keep up and post here my updates with this small hope that it can help someone. and I am glad you like it too :)

    yes, it is and I was although I am a bit upset that we were not told about the gender of our kids... yet. but as I have said it is even exciting :)

    xxx

  • You are very cute, do you know that? I can feel your happiness through the display of my computer and it is amazing how you are climbing higher and higher, I believe that eventually you will reach the top when your kids are born.

    well, this is normal to not know the gender of your babies as sometimes life makes you wait. maybe a bit later? what did your dr say?

  • what are you saying? haha I am not cute! I am normal and yes I am very happy right now :)

    oh yes, I cannot believe that this is happening, I am sure that this is reality but it feels a lot like a dream.

    she said the same and that maybe we can see better on the next ultrasound that I am going to receive by mail in a month so I am waiting not so patiently. she said that it is possible to know the gender but we should understand all of the circumstances

  • that's really amazing. I can understand how you feel and those confusing thoughts whether it is all a dream is a very common and normal thing when you cannot believe your happiness.

    Well, as I expected, I agree that it can happen or you will have to wait until the very end of the pregnancy but I beg you to not get upset. this is life :)

  • yeah

    I think that youre right

    I just cannot cope with my happiness and it overloads me really but honestly I am fine and with the more time this program is active I am becoming even stronger and stronger. :)

    My SM should be very happy to be pregnant, I was thinking about her and how she is doing and I could not make myself stop thinking about her pregnancy and her overall state of health. I have been reading some articles on how to treat your kids after surrogacy, how to talk to them and stuff. and it's been bothering me lately.

    I am not upset I am just very serious as I know that I should start preparing for the date my kids see the world.

  • Coping with happiness - this is the very new step in your life I assume. Try and post here a thread talking about how you cannot process this overwhelming happiness you now constantly live in. HAHA

    I understand you so well, though. It is amazing how you seem to not be nervous at all! Like, surrogacy itself takes a lot of guts to even start it but seeing you so happy and relaxed.. wow.

    Well, yes, this is the time you should start the preparations. When is your SM's due date?

  • No, of course I am nervous, I just prefer to show my brighter side here. I know that not everyone is a fan of happy posts as not everyone likes reading very sad updates. as we all wish each other happiness sadly it still does not mean that we will all get it as soon as possible. sadly some of us have to undergo a lot of sufferings in order to have it. that's why I think that it's better to share happiness or calmness with others just so they believe in themselves more

    in September I believe, but I am coming to Kiev already in August because she's carrying twins and there's a high chance of her to deliver a bit earlier than doctors say.

  • That's great of you, but is it healthy though to not be completely open about your emotions and showing only one side of your personality. Oh, I do not want to sound rude but you do not have to hide your struggles and try to be a very positive person just because you want to create a nice and cheerful community, life is not only happiness.

    but I think that you are right when saying that sharing your happiness is very important especially for those who're losing their hopes.

    oh in August! Yes, twins, that's a very common for twins to come earlier :D

  • Congratulations on your wonderful news :)

    how do you find your surrogate mother? Did you like her? Where does she live having to take the train to meet you? Are you sure she'll take good care of your little ones?

    Keep us informed xx

  • Thank you!!!

    She is amazing :)

    Oh of course I like her, I love her even! she lives in a small ukrainian city and she has to take a train to go to Kiev to meet me and for the us pics and other stuff. the thing is that my clinic is situated in Ukraine and I actually have to take airplane to fly there and see her and my doctor :)

    I will

    thanks

    xx

  • wow, that's great.. and good you were lucky enough to get good clinic and good woman to carry a baby for you. But what is the reason for your going so far in order to take the program? Is the treatment there good enough? I've head about Ukraine but the information didn't impressed me. I think I would be scared a bit to go there if I had to. And I think I would worry about the surrogate mother. I mean she may not eat proper food, may not behave properly when carring my baby.. she may even be in danger I think....

  • That's not really the best thing to say to someone in this situation - do you realise your comments could really worry/upset Bethany?

    Why would someone in Ukraine not eat proper food - it's not a 3rd world country and why would she be in danger?

  • I find this response to Bethany ridiculous. Any couple going through Surrogacy will have done there homework. This is a support forum and whilst everyone is entitled to their thoughts and opinions I think its best to keep anything potentially negative to yourself.

  • Thank you for your support!

  • Sorry if I hurt someone here. Didn't mean anyhting bad. Just wanted to know a bit more how the surrogate mother is taken care of there. I happened to come through a little upsetting thoughts and wanted to get some firsthand information. Wishing you all the best x

  • It so easy to mis-understand things on this forum; especially in text and a couple of weeks ago I noticed a similar situation when english wasn't a first language and this wasn't known. x

  • oh I see

    sorry to maybe respond to you in a bit of a harsh way previously.

    If you are interested about surrogacy in Ukraine - feel free to ask, I am open for your questions and am ready to answer them :)

    wish you all the best!

  • That's ok. I understand you may have been obused with my words. That's just because of my mood swings sometimes that I say something without thinking carefully. .

    besides I've heard that there's war going on in the country and some people have doubts of travelling there. I know that's quite a big country and the war takes place far on the east. It's a long way from Kyiv but how did you feel about the issue?

  • that's ok! I totally understand you, I was the same before I heard the news from my surrogate that she had her positive test and we're going to be parents. now I am bearing the title of the Intended Mother :)

    Hoping to have my babies late this year.:)

    really? a war? well, I have heard that there is a military conflict in the East of Ukraine but there was not really much to it. Anytime I come to Ukraine I feel really safe and I feel like I am relaxing( even though I am bursting with the emotions every time I see my kids and our SM)

    I do not know much about that

  • Lucky you are not paying any attention to political news. I try not to as well but sometimes it reaches me. That's my husband who passes those news to me from time to time. I'm very glad to hear that information from witnesses. That reduced a lot of my doubts and fears. Thanks x

  • that's great! I understand it as you have no control over those news keep gathering at your front door and eventually, they will reach you.

    you should really think about all of that globally, there are pretty much wars everywhere and from what I have heard in Ukraine there is a conflict but it does not affect pretty much all of the other regions apart from the East of Ukraine. that's it

    at least in Kiev everything is calm and nice :)

  • well, why not? Ukraine is also fine as other options. what? this is really odd to read as Ukraine is now one of the European countries and I do not think that there is something to worry about considering Ukraine. I am sure that the surrogate moms are properly "fed" by the clinic when they come there for a checkup. and there are plenty of places in Kiev where you can buy a lot of healthy food and stuff. and the clinic in Kiev looked pretty fine as I was also worried before starting the program and paying my money.

    why would you be scared? of what???

    I do not think she is in danger, I have my manager who contacts her almost daily and sends me updates. and the time I have met her she looked very healthy and great :)

  • Well I think your so brave and I'd say she is looking after your baby's so well for you and that you would tell if something was wrong wish you all the luck in the world ❤

  • oh I am not that brave but thank you! I think that we all are brave girls here!

    I am sure that she is, she is a very nice person, and her beauty is the biggest proof to my words.

    thank you again!

    Lot of love to you hun ❤

  • I think your updates are great & will be great source of comfort for those looking in to surrogacy as it's not discussed so often! I'm sure ur SM was thrilled with her bracelet-a lovely gesture from u! Exciting times ahead xxx

  • Oh thank you! I really appreciate this, I was thinking that it may cause some harm to those who are struggling but as for me I was very happy to read some happy postings on here :)

    haha I think she was thrilled too, I hope she really liked it. as now we know what to gift her next time :)

    yes!

    xxx

  • Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us too. :)

    this is incredible how many women have received ART treatment or went for surrogacy like I haven't imagined that so many of you would find surrogacy an optimal option. I am used to seeing people with a negative perception of fertility treatment itself and it upsets me and still surprises me when I see so many women commenting here and leaving their stories as examples of successful treatments and programs.

    I am not going to write here you're welcome as there's nothing for you to be thankful about, I am just happy and I am now even happier after seeing your beautiful responses.

  • I do not get them though

    I think that surrogacy and all of the fertility treatments should be perceived as perfectly fine things. but we live in the world where even such an abortion acceptance is a blessing.

    yes, this is what you should do - you should cut all f the relations between you and those people that do not accept you and your choices. they are wrong here not because they have other opinions but because they do not know how to be good friends and good humans, as only good people leave the space for others to be different.

    agree as if only infertile people should consider adoption...why do not they go for it but choose to have their own kids instead??

    I think of this forum as of a haven. like the best place where we're free to be who we really are and where we are not being judged

  • Happy for you! ^^

    Do you know what you're going to do next?

    Oh, your SM is very lucky with you, it is great that you are treating her that well :) Do you plan to continue contacting her after the end of the program? or is it even possible? what do you think she thinks about it?

    xx

  • Thank you!

    I hope that she is! I really do, I am trying my best to make her pregnancy even better than it is now. It is my duty kind of to make sure that she is doing great bc that basically means that my babies are fine too :)

    Well, I do, but we're not the only ones who are here to decide on it. this is our common decision with our surrogate mother :) but I guess that the chances are high! She is very nice and by all of the signs I think that she wants to stay in touch with us

  • Of course!

    you can judge a person by the way he\she treats his\her SM

    I am impressed although everyone would agree that this is a common sense, but I applaud you :)

    I am a beginner and I am far away from your mindset yet as I am totally afraid of what is going to come and how I am going to react to it

    that's great if you stay in touch though :)

  • :)

    well, I am flattered by your words, it is an honor to be a subject of your praise haha

    why? don't be afraid, read all of the thread here and take as much advice as you can as people here were all the beginners sometime in the past :)

    yes, I think that it would be great if our surrogate mother agrees to it :)

  • :)

    I am glad that you are feeling happy up to this date, I suppose that waiting time kills you, doesn't it? I am learning but I have already gotten so many hopeful and nice replies from all of the users here I am so so so happy to become a part of this forum, it definitely is a nice way to express your won concerns and get advice when you need it.

    why won't she agree though?

  • I do not know. She has her own kids and possibly she won't want this period of life to be remembered by her and her family. I am sure that she did explain surrogacy to her kids and maybe she will tell about us, the parents of the babies but isn't it enough? we're interrupting her life with our own desires due to the infertility issues and now we want her to be constantly in touch with us... no, I think that she's had enough. I cannot imagine what she goes through but I think that it is very hard for her...

    this is great! :) Are you doing better right now? Reading your recent replies I can tell you are :)

  • Oh I doing fine:) Thank you a lot. there are so many things to decide on and I have to prepare a lot right now and I am planning to see a specialist sooner or later just because if I feel now that I am fine that does not mean that I won't fall in the depression hole again.

    well, these are only your assumptions, I feel like you won't know it till you ask her directly. she may or may not feel the way you've described. but if you feel that you want to be friends with her in the future you should just ask her if this is ok

    Or. Maybe you should ask someone in the clinic how such things are done.

  • oh well I have asked my own manager and she replied that there are like no rules whatsoever except for those of 12 weeks. after that time we are free to meet with our SMs (of course in the presence of the manager who is in charge of preparing those meetings on the us scans days) and after the program is over there is only our own will that leads us

    .that is true that you should not stop in your journey to be a calmer person :)

  • so basically you are going to be contacting your surrogate mother only with your manager and it is impossible to see her in a more private situation? aren't they a bit exaggerating though? like I can eventually get why they refuse to allow you to meet your SM till it's 12 weeks but after that, you should have all the rights to stay in touch with your SM and be able to write or even call her whenever you want...

    "a calmer person" haha right :)

  • well, I guess there are still risks and maybe the clinic is very strict in this field just because they want to make sure that the surrogate mother lives in a healthy environment and does not experience stressful situations and has ann easy and beautiful pregnancy.

    you know, very recently, I thought that this maybe not so very good idea - to become friends with your surrogate even after she delivers. this may create a strange situation for your kids....

    Bethany2, will you allow your babies to see or talk to your SM?

  • this is a very controversial theme to touch as it is only a choice of the person who's in the situation and in the position to make a decision. you may think that this is bad but others may think that you will only benefit from this complete honesty with your kids.

  • Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinions so we should not only respect each other but ourselves too!

  • How for example? Is there any right decision to take? What if her kids don't understand this whole thing and fell like they have been betrayed by their mother?

    It is either she's honest with them from the very beginning or keeps this secret for the whole life.

    yet I agree with yourself on this. we've no right to tell anyone what to do with their own lives

  • There is but only the decision the person who's responsible for taking it sees as the right one. we can be there to give some advice and leave feedback but eventually everything is up to the person who's life and future is in question.

    well, do you really think that newborn can possibly understand surrogacy or even any word at all???

  • No, I do not think that at all! I think that it CAN possibly be shocking to your child or children. And I think that the possible risk of ruining your kids life is too high to not think about this issue at least twice. I think that the best decision here will be to talk to a professional and read some literature which is always helpful. I am really not prepared for taking this decision right now as I have been constantly changing my mind and as I have read here some of us are seriously considering seeing a therapist so I might as well book an appointment and talk about the child’s perception in terms of surrogacy or other fertility treatment…

    But I still think that if you raise your baby properly it won’t be that hard to explain to him his roots and what surrogacy is.

  • It can be a big of a deal if the kids meet some stereotypes but I still think that this is very important to raise your child in a full honesty rather than act as if everything was okay and no one had any troubles before. It is also a huge part in a curing process when it comes to intended and actual parents. Ignoring your past issues can be harmful not only to yourself but also to your family. Of course no one can push you to taking the decision they accept however I think that as long as we keep being honest and talking about what actually happen we will be free from any harm we can possibly get.

  • I think that in the future our society will be of a different type. Like we're changing and news about ivf or surrogacy do not surprise us as they did before therefore I think that it creates a better background for our kids to be raised in.

  • You are definitely right, at least I have the same opinion on it, however, even though we now have cell-phones and the internet there are countries that are not blessed with them. they live as if it is 19 century.

    and what to say about those countries that still treat infertile women badly and forbid them all kinds of fertility treatments.

  • To be quite honest I haven't heard of any country that was treating infertile couples badly, I know that surrogacy or even egg donation are forbidden in some countries but the reasons are either of religious nature or justified by law, like I have read a lot of months ago that egg donation can be banned because it is hard to put into words and you should consider both parties and their rights so sometimes I understand it. however, I still think that surrogates and donors know what to do before they decide to go for a donation of surrogacy. and their rights are protected as well by a very strict legislation like it is in Ukraine - where surrogate mothers have no rights for children because the only type of surrogacy that is allowed there is gestational which means basically that they have no genetic relation to the child, therefore, have to parental rights on him.

  • Yes of course, however, I think that there are two sides of this situation, surrogates or donors and intended parents. and both of the sides should be protected and feel safe. I admit that it is very safe in Ukraine and people should be more considerable when it comes to getting into programs in any Ukrainian clinics BUT there are some countries that ban any fertility treatment-esqe move.

    agreements and contracts are cool and stuff but laws have to be changed.

  • This is too radicalized, I think, as I am not a professional, I won't be going further than saying that I would love to have the laws more adequate and fertility treatments friendly.

  • I have written my opinion on this already so I won't repeat myself but the thing is that it is either we decide for ourselves or we ask for a help someone who's experienced in dealing with this sensitive topics.

    we're taking a huge risk here, I admit.... but no one actually knows what to do...

  • well, it is obvious that this is their prerogative to create the best conditions for their surrogates to live in. they also ( I am talking only about the clinic I am currently with) provide surrogates with very comfortable rooms when they are being put in maternity hospital right before they deliver. so this is no wonder they are that strict.

    I think that it is very important to understand the boundaries which you should respect and do everything you want but without crossing the line right.

    Plus I would like to have a conversation with my bbs later in their lives about this issue and I will always stand for surrogacy and other fertility treatments just because it needs to be supported as much as abortions!

  • No doubts. People that want to have their surrogacy business running for a long time should take in minds that they are obliged to treat well the donors and surrogate mothers. they should have a very developed care system of those and as it is really vital for them to provide with the best services and care as possible.

    so yeah, no wonder and no doubts.

    Yeah, there should be a conversation between you and your kids just because they deserve to know the truth and as we all are really curious about our roots, it is also necessary to allow your children to understand their own past and maybe just MAYBE to meet their surrogate mother or donor.

  • But even though I agree with you, I know that not all of the clinic are that honest and can be proud of their work. Some are very sketchy like those in Czech where they mess up sperm and fertilize eggs with the wrong one. Such an awful thing to do.. they basically make people go through living hell with their mistakes.

    But it is great that we still have good clinics or at least we know who to ask for advice.

    PS I think that meeting with the surrogate can be possible but with donor…. At least in Ukraine, it can’t be done because you won’t have any data on the donor and it’ll be almost impossible to get it in the future..

  • I think they just really want to have the full control over us, surrogates and such. Because it is very important to follow the rules as anything might be harmful in the middle of the pregnancy and we should not discuss certain topics I think as some parts of the program include privacy of the SM which can only be shared with the manager, I am talking now about money and payments overall. You cannot expect IPs to blatantly give payments to SMs as this is only manager's job.

  • I am constantly browsing articles and read one after another so I just will have some thoughts in my head that will help me in the future. Well, I suppose all of their clients are on the FB reading what they are posting since you're mentioning it in your commentary I thought that this is only me . :)

    Oh sorry haha haven't expected it to be that overflown

    How are you doing by the way? You seem to be out of our infertility world already and you’re still here, writing posts and commenting.. Such a great thing that you are one of those to whom I can address my problems and get some advice..

  • Oh Congratulations hun! I hope you and your baby are both doing well!

    Was everything fine and smooth while your SM was pregnant? How was your first meeting with her? Where did you find her or you were also working with a clinic? :)

    And you are totally right! I think that it is amazing, love is very powerful! It can change the world for the better!

    Lots of love to you too hun! wishing you nothing but the best!

    xxx

  • It is 33 week at the beginning of August. I hope that they will be born on time but there is a slight chance that they will be born either on 3 or August or a week later, hopefully, everything will be ok. I have asked this my coordinator and she said that it can happen there is always a chance but they have a team of very qualified doctors so they know what they are doing. But the chances are as high as usually that my kids will be born when it is planned :)

    I went to Ukraine too, kind of was surprised by their European-like staff and service.

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