Intro and..question!

[dazzer2411]

Hi

I'm the male half of a couple. We've been having IVF for 4 1/2 years and were trying to conceive for some time before this.

It has of course been a long road with 5 failed transfers. The fantastic news is that we are now 16 weeks pregnant and all looks well. I'm over the moon of course. However, bizarrely, since we actually had the 12 week scan(which turned out to be 14 week scan actually) I've become incredibly anxious and stressed. I feel light headed, edgy and hollow/jelly legged!

The ivf journey has exposed me to be quite prone to anxiety and stress-something I had never really considered myself to be before. I did, for about 6 months after our first failed treatment, take antidepressants. Seemed to settle down and was able to cope without them.

Christmas 2015 through into January I also felt many of symptoms I'm feeling right now-my wife and I were struggling through a difficult patch and work was very hard for most of 2015. We came through and started the treatment that has brought us to this point.

I just don't understand why I feel so terrible. My own diagnosis would be that I've basically been permenantly stressed under the surface for the last 5 years and suddenly the thing that has been largely causing that has 'gone'. So now my brain is confused-it's forgotten how to relax? Of course I understand the worry isn't over... There's still a long way to go with the pregnancy and of course looking after a child! but we have to be positive.

So I just wondered if there was anyone out there whom had experienced similar symptoms. I'd be very grateful for any replies.

I'm also more than happy to help anyone else-if indeed I can!

Thanks for reading

Darren

[pm27]

Congratulations on getting to 16 weeks. You've been under a huge amount of stress fir a long tine and now the understandable anxiety about the pregnancy.

I've got a history of anxiety and depression and went back onto anti depressants after our first failed cycle until after we ceased treatment. I know the signs to look our for and when I need to be on anti depressants. Only you and your GP know if you need the tablets again, they will help balance up your cortisol levels and help you feel better again. I resisted going back on them as I felt I had failed but as a good friend of mine pointed out if I had a broken leg I wouldn't hesitate to get it plastered.

Our brains often can't switch off and keep trying to fix the situation. I've had cognitive behaviour therapy counselling which really helped me recognise unhelpful thought patterns. Some employers offer counselling or you could get some privately or via your GP. If counselling isn't for you you could get a CBT book from the library. There are also online resources via the NHS website. You might like to try mindfulness techniques, Ruby Wax has written a lot about this and there's loads online.

Good luck.

[dazzer2411 in reply to pm27]

Hi pm27

Thanks so much for your comments. I've a session booked with the hospitals counsellor and an appointment booked with my gp. Loathed to go back on the anti-depressants- got terrible night sweats with them- but will see how the next week or so pans out and if I need to just to help calm things down I will.

Weirdly I don't feel like I'm anxious about what's to come-there are not lots of thoughts of how will we do this/how will we do that buzzing through my head. That's actually why it's disturbed me so-because I can't pinpoint a reason for it...other that the suggestion I made.

Ruby Wax? Wow I never would have thought about her so will certainly have a look. Thanks again for replying it really helps just to tell someone!

All the best

D

[pm27 in reply to dazzer2411]

I'm glad you've got appointments booked.

I can understand ypur reluctance to go bavk on meds. There are just one option and there may be different anti depressants that don't give you the night sweats, make sure you tell your GP about them.

Try googling Ruby Wax as there are clips of her talking about mental health and mindfulness. She's got a MA from Oxford so knows what's she's talking/writing about.

Take care.