FET in February don't think I'm emotionally prepared, need positive tales please

Hi girls

In now in year 2 of Ivf. Im 38 with the fantastic unexplained fertility title.

First cycle cancelled as estridiol went through the roof.

Second cycle got 16 eggs, 15 fertilised. Then on day 3 only 4 viable and poor quality. 2 implanted, 2 didn't make it to freezing.

Spent 4 months feeling like crap between bad ohss and believing it is all my fault via my eggs are crap.

Third cycle did diet like everyone, no white sugar, no chocolate, no caffeine, acupuncture etc. Then had a mega panic attack during EC so only got 8 eggs, the rest left in. Given injection to stop ohss but meant all to be frozen.

Gutted thinking the quality is bad, won't freeze, won't defrost etc etc.

Outcome all 8 fertilised, 6 valid. One great quality, 3 good quality, 2 OK.

All frozen day 2, apparently they were great on cycle 2 but stopped developing as they should day 3 that it's not the quality.

The day if the FET doesn't work they'll do more tests on hubby ( easier than on me apparently less invasive)

I'm dreading going into surgery again, dreading waiting 2 weeks, dreading the twinges, the pains, the awful realisation that it hasn't worked

Where do you girls get the inner strength to carry on time and time again.

I'm scared I'll end up depressed again and this time there's no way out.

I've decided to give it til December then accept whatever.

Please, I'm so so so sick of all this, I'll be a great mummy. My cool kid will be loved by mummy and daddy, wanted more than anything.

But it terrifies me to have to accept that we are not meant to give it love to a cool kid, that we will be OK just the two of us.

Please ladies, anyone had luck with FET and any ideas how to cope xx

Thanks in advance, baby dust to all xx

[hope84]

I'm not at your stage just yet life can be so be so bloody crap sometimes and just throws more stuff into the wheel you must have some great inner strength yourself to go through it all again!! Keep calm keep positive easier said then done but just keep pushing on!!! Don't give up hope never stop dreaming and never give up on those dreams there's always a way to achieve them just sometimes have to climb another mountain to get them. Have you had any form of councelling?? Sending big hug chin up head high positive mental attitude xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to hope84]

Hey hope,

I paid to see a psychologist after the EC as I needed to find out how to stop crying, stop blaming myself and deal with the waves of emotion.

I only went once.

I also spoke to my vicar ( she's amazing, married us 3 years ago) after praying I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.

I know now is the perfect time to start again. I'm not working till April so have no other pressures.

I'm just dreading feeling so ill and emotional and down again

It would be different if there was a guarantee, if cope but there's no guarantee.

I'm dreading the further tests, which is jumping ahead but I need to know what could happen.

Silly thought processes

Where are you at in the process?

[hope84 in reply to Hidden]

We've just had first appointment just now waiting for next period to arrive. Them have to get in touch with nurse for scan then injections apprantly ill start those day 21 of cycle!!! Keep positive thinking hope you have a bit of a support network will keep everything crossed for you.. xx

[Hidden]

Hi, I know how you feel, I can relate to everything you say. I'm 8do5dt FET. I'm hoping to get back to you with a positive reply on Thursday. I keep going as I can't let myself stop to think especially as everyone around me are having babies naturally. I find talking to my partner a massive support & my acupuncturist. Her outlook on life is so positive, I leave feeling very uplifted. I also find Pilates brilliant for mind & body. Best of luck.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks molly, I really hope and pray that your little cool kids have found their home for 9 months. Let me know how you get on. Xx

[jhza700]

Hi,

This journey is so hard! and at times I thought I couldn't cope. My last cycle was a FET (third go) and I knew it would be the final go, didn't have any funds left and age isn't on my side. ( I am 43) I found it easier this cycle to have a back up plan, take control in a way of aspects of my life that i could, as we can't really control the outcome with IVF other than eat a healthy diet, take vitamins. But lucky for me my third go worked I am now nearly 21 weeks!.

Fingers and toes crossed for you darling that you are third time lucky!!

Jackiex

[Hidden]

Ah Jackie that's ace news x fingers crossed

[Rose-la-Milli]

Congrats Jackie! That's the kind of story we need to hear! Understand how you feel original poster. I'm also just at the end of failed 2WW. Hope we can be successful next time x