Can we do it?

[Alp77]

I'm just feeling really worried at the moment. Have had a really stressful week waiting for approval to have ivf outside of our CCG - got the approval yesterday now waiting for an appointment letter from the clinic. The problem is I've got pmt right now, which I get really badly (or am pregnant - very wishful thinking) am due on tomorrow and always find this part of the month hard to bear. Thing is, I seem to always end up having an argument with my husband during this part of the month, despite just having told him I'm struggling with my job, studying for a diploma and dealing with tests and referral stress (sobbed down the phone to the referral centre this week) yet if I'm slightly unreasonable due to all this he is just a total arse and loses his temper with me. I really wonder how we will cope when I'm full of ivf hormones? I feel so upset as our marriage is otherwise good and we don't argue much but I'm hurt he knows I'm pmt/wondering if preg and doesn't give me some leeway. Just wondering about how I will cope during ivf. Can anyone else identify? Sorry for the long message xx

[Dee22]

Hi, I was exactly the same. Every month I felt heartbroken. I also felt my husband didn't understand but over time I found out that the whole thing was stressing him out too and his reaction was to not talk about it and sometimes get annoyed with me for always talking about it. I also think he felt it was his fault so this could be the same. I found a counsellor, who helped me start to move forward. Also, I went alone, but it helped me talk to my husband without an argument. I'm not saying everything became perfect overnight but made a difference to us.

It's horrible going through all of this and it easily takes over your life, occupies your thoughts every day. Try to find some ways of distracting yourself for a small part of the day. Do something you like doing. Also, we arranged date night every week where we would go out & not talk about infertility.

I wish you well & I hope things are better soon. Take care x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Alp77. Reading through your post, just reminds me of how much you ladies (and couples) struggle going through any form of fertility issues. I feel strongly about the use of counselling at this time, as you can go and explain all your fears and stresses unconditionally, and this should be offered at your clinic. Maybe there is a support group in your area? Have a look on our website infertilitynetworkuk.com where you will find a list. Hormones do have a lot to answer for, and they can be a monthly struggle for most of us, apart from tackling stress at work too – and studying! You will get through IVF, because you want a family, and I’m sure your husband will understand you better while you are having treatment. Some ladies even benefit from the regulated hormones – so fingers crossed you are one of them. Do look for some support, and of course I wish you both every success with your treatment when it starts. Diane

[Alp77 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you for your kind comments - I have got the name of a private counsellor as I'm not yet in treatment but on the waiting list. I'm sure that will help me through these difficulties xxxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Alp77]

Hi Alp77. Good girl! I do hope it helps - I'm sure it will. Good luck! Diane