Going slowly insane, advice needed :-/

Hello everyone

I don't really know what I expect anyone to say but I have found this site very helpful since joining and its helps be to write things down and know there are others who understand.

My partner and I are I due to start our first IVF cycle later this month. While I am relived it is finally happening (after many set backs and wondering if we would ever get this far) I am also terrified that it won't work and then what?

One of my main issues is I am currently not working because I was made redundant last year and instead of immediately moving into another job, we decided I would take a career break so I could get myself physically and mentally ready for the gruelling process of fertility treatment. My job was very stressful with a lot of responsibility and I don't think I would have coped, not to mention the amount of time I've already had to devote to appointments (There has been additional health issues that needed to be addressed before being given the 'green light')

While I know how very lucky I am, and I hope I'm not alienating anyone who would love not to be working (it's not that we don't need my wage so are managing with some cut backs) this has meant that I haven't got the distraction of work at a time like this so have found myself feeling very low in a way that I never have before, and so focused on the IVF because I am not in a routine.

Like I say I don't know what I expect to hear, I know I'm lucky to be able to take it easy and make time for all those bloomin appointments but I feel like I'm losing who I am and I never thought this would happen to me. I feel useless and am often desperate for my husband to get home from work, but when he does I find it hard to be the positive, cheery person I usually am.

Does anyone feel like this or felt this way before and have any advice? I have signed up to volunteer so I hope that will help but I will probably start the IVF first. I do see friends but I'm finding it harder as many of them have babies so I don't always feel strong enough to spend time with them without feeling sadder when I come away.

Sorry if this is a very miserable post or comes across 'woe is me' just be nice to know if anyone understands. X

13 Replies

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  • Hi, sorry you are feeling down. The whole fertility journey can be very difficult. Being in a stressful job doesn't help and can affect fertility but it also helps keep the mind occupied whereas being at home can be relaxing but you have a lot of time to think which also isn't good. i guess you need to find the balance, perhaps take up some hobbies like painting, I've also read adult colouring books can help de-stress. You could join a walking group or yoga and as you said you will look into volentary work after your IVF. For now just try and relax yourself and think positively about IVF. I thought the IVF process would be a lot worse than it was but it was still by no means easy, especially the hospital appointments & side effects from the medications, so it's good you have the time off for it. i would also recommend Zita West meditation on iTunes. Good luck for your IVF. Xx

  • Hi Natasha

    Thanks for your reply, I was worried about how stressful my job was and wanted to focus on being calm & ready for such a process and know I hadn't put work before something I want so much but like you say, the too much time to think is definitely an issue.

    Thanks for the tips, I do actually belong to a gym but have never tried yoga so might give that a go and look into a walking group in my area.

    It's good to hear that IVF wasn't as horrendous as you sometimes hear, I think I'm more worried about the emotional side of it not working than anything physical but I just have to take things as they come I guess

    Thank you x

  • Hello

    I completely agree with Natasha83. The stress of your job wouldn't be great whilst going through IVF but sitting at home just gives you time to dwell! I would try to write a 'to do' list for the week ahead. There are probably endless things you have to do at home (cleaning our cupboards and sorting old clothes for charity etc). It's not glamorous but will give you a sense of purpose. I would also try to make sure you get out of the house every day. Going for walks, to the gym or meeting a friend for coffee should all help. I also found reading, watching box sets, cinema trips and those adult colouring books took my mind off things during our round.

    I think trying to balance work and treatment is a real struggle for most women. I'm fed up with my job and no longer find it a challenge so have wanted to move for a while. But, I didn't feel I could move before we started IVF due to the number and unpredictability of appointments etc. It left me feeling stuck in a rut so I do understand how you feel even if our situations are a bit different!

    Good luck with your treatment! Hopefully your next struggle will be "how to tell my new boss I'm pregnant" 🙈

  • Hi Hopeful1982

    Thanks so much for your reply and some really good tips, did you take some time off during the process too?

    It's definitely the too much time to think that's an issue, but also that I've gone from achieving a lot every day and having lots to tell my hubby every evening to feeling a bit useless with nothing to tell him! I guess I don't really recognise myself sometimes, I never thought my life would become this way and I think that's what I'm struggling with.

    However I know I just need to relax and try to enjoy this time off and remember it won't be forever, i wish I didn't get so worked up about the future and just go with the flow but I can't seem to get there yet.

    How are things with you, where are you up to with the whole thing? Wishing you much luck too, thank you xx

  • I considered taking some time off but ended up work through treatment. It coincided with a quiet period at work which was great as I usually have to work long hours and do a lot of travel.

    One thing I've always wanted to do but never found the time is learning another language. Maybe this or a different course would keep you busy and give you some better conversation for your hubby! There must be loads starting in January!

    I was very fortunate that my round of IVF worked in the summer so I'm now pregnant.

    Take care and good luck! Hopefully your boredom will be rewarded with a bfp! x

  • That's great news that you're pregnant, congratulations! It's lovely to hear positive stories and gives us hope.

    I am currently laid up with a stomach bug but will do a to do list for when this has shifted and keep busy and hopefully feel better about it all. I don't want to look back and regret not enjoying this time but I just need to find that balance I guess.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply and good luck with everything xx

  • Good luck to you too x

  • Hello, Georgina,

    I am going to play devil's advocate here, but have you considered looking for a job which is slightly less stressful, maybe part time? I totally get what you mean. Whilst I made a point of not taking time off during the treatment because I thought keeping busy would help me, I ended up having to take some holiday and sick leave when I couldn't cope with the stress of work plus bleeding post embryo transfer. Doctors signed me off for a week and when I had been at home with no bleeding for three days I started feeling quite low and had to get signed back to work to cheer up. It wasn't easy and I did have to be very strict with myself about not doing extra hours etc., but working at a pace I found doable definitely helped.

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck - hope it will be over soon.

  • Hello

    I have been definitely thinking of that actually, I don't know what I would do as it'd definitely have to be something different than I was doing but if this cycle doesn't work I definitely can't carry on like this just waiting for the next round to start. The thought of applying and interviewing for jobs feels a bit overwhelming right now but I know it would probably be good for me.

    We are going to get this first cycle done first as it starts later this month then if it doesn't work I will probably be going down that road.

    Thanks for your advice xx

  • You could contact a recruitment agency and just do some temping. That way you can work when it suits you and it's likely to be less stressful than your previous role x

  • Hi Georgina, all the above comments are very valid. I would suggest though that if you have anything that needs doing around the house, sort it out now. This might include taking on a cleaner too, if the house is large.

    As some people on here know, I wasn't the one going through ivf, but the lady I know who was, found it quite hard at the beginning. She carried on working, was but was physically exhausted from the meds and also I think had some side effects.

    Once the treatment starts you do need to nurture yourself. Use the time now to make sure that your body is in tip top condition. You should be taking folic acid, so if you're not please start now. Some people have recommended the various conception tablets, or Zita West. I would also recommend pineapple, as it does seem to help with the lining and implantation, though I don't think there's any scientific reasoning. Some also say that acupuncture is very helpful too.

    There is also a facility on here to check if there is anyone near you that you could become cycle buddies with. I do think it helps to know someone is is or has gone through it. Although I knew a fair amount about ivf and had done the drugs when trying to become an egg donor, I really didn't understand until I knew someone going through it and I've learnt so much from this lovely group.

    Take care and good luck with the treatment x

  • Hello

    Thanks so much for your reply and advice, it's fantastic that you've been an egg donor and want to understand how it feels for someone to go through the IVF process.

    I am taking folic acid and have also been having acupuncture for a few months, I find it definitely helps calm me but because of Christmas and my therapist being away it's been a few weeks since I had a session so hopefully that will help me feel more positive again.

    Thank you x

  • Hello,

    Above all, stay positive as ivf is challenging journey and y have to be a warrior. No clinic guarantees you get pregnant at the first try. On this forum you can meet ladies who are undergoing 4th, 5th ivf and still fight for dreams come true. What if y have failed? There are some options available-consider cheaper ivf abroad (e.g. Czech, Poland), come back to work to save money, consider a loan, etc. Now while y aren’t working have y thought on (if possible) freelance, consulting, being self-employed, online business or improving yr qualifications/some courses? Good luck xx