I don't really know what I expect anyone to say but I have found this site very helpful since joining and its helps be to write things down and know there are others who understand.
My partner and I are I due to start our first IVF cycle later this month. While I am relived it is finally happening (after many set backs and wondering if we would ever get this far) I am also terrified that it won't work and then what?
One of my main issues is I am currently not working because I was made redundant last year and instead of immediately moving into another job, we decided I would take a career break so I could get myself physically and mentally ready for the gruelling process of fertility treatment. My job was very stressful with a lot of responsibility and I don't think I would have coped, not to mention the amount of time I've already had to devote to appointments (There has been additional health issues that needed to be addressed before being given the 'green light')
While I know how very lucky I am, and I hope I'm not alienating anyone who would love not to be working (it's not that we don't need my wage so are managing with some cut backs) this has meant that I haven't got the distraction of work at a time like this so have found myself feeling very low in a way that I never have before, and so focused on the IVF because I am not in a routine.
Like I say I don't know what I expect to hear, I know I'm lucky to be able to take it easy and make time for all those bloomin appointments but I feel like I'm losing who I am and I never thought this would happen to me. I feel useless and am often desperate for my husband to get home from work, but when he does I find it hard to be the positive, cheery person I usually am.
Does anyone feel like this or felt this way before and have any advice? I have signed up to volunteer so I hope that will help but I will probably start the IVF first. I do see friends but I'm finding it harder as many of them have babies so I don't always feel strong enough to spend time with them without feeling sadder when I come away.
Sorry if this is a very miserable post or comes across 'woe is me' just be nice to know if anyone understands. X