Christmas has been a bit of a struggle - Fertility Network UK

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Christmas has been a bit of a struggle


Has anyone else found this Christmas to be really hard? I think my treatment has affected me more than I realise. They say, Christmas is all about family and friends, well for some people, it's not always the case. I really dislike Christmas and find I feel lower than normal, I guess not having my own family makes it a lot harder.

Maybe, just maybe things will get better in 2016, otherwise what is there, I really don't know.

44 Replies

Hey Distinction72, i am totally feeling your pain. I have been waiting to start treatment for what seems like forever and starting on my next cycle. To add to my misery my dad suddenly passed away just under a week ago.

I have never had such a miserable xmas. Really hoping my mood lifts soon and 2016 has some good news in store.

Hope the same for you with lots of baby dust, xxx

Hidden in reply to Hidden

I'm starting my 3rd lot of treatment in February, your right about the waiting game though, it seems to be never ending, especially between cycle tries.

So sorry to hear about your dad, my dad was in hospital Christmas 2007 and I found I just couldn't focus on it, sadly he died on the 6th January 2008. It certainly leaves a big hole in your heart but in time you will find that you can deal with it better and learn to cope with it.

Good luck with your treatment, at least the new year is a new start.

Let me know how you get on xx

Hidden in reply to Hidden

Sounds like you have been through the mill too, sorry for your loss also.

Life is difficult enough at times and it seems so unfair that some of us have the battle of infertility to deal with also. It totally consumes you.

Best of luck and yes lets keep each other posted xx

Hidden in reply to Hidden

Your right it does totally take over your feelings.

Some days you feel stronger than others xx

I know how you feel, also found Christmas quite difficult. Did okay during the day, enjoyed myself with family but had a little cry at night, just kept thinking had I not had a failed IVF cycle, I would be pregnant now. I appreciate what I have in a loving husband, family & friends but there is a bit missing in my life not having a child and nothing fills that gap. Not looking forward to New Year's Eve either. Hoping 2016 is a better year for us ladies.

LBM1979, sorry for your loss. Such a difficult time for you. Xx

Hidden in reply to Natasha83

Thankyou Natasha83, hopefully next year will be ours xx

Hidden in reply to Hidden

And mine!! x

Hidden in reply to Natasha83

Well for me I don't really have a family or a partner, so I feel really alone.

All this waiting does my head in and I think if I wasn't going through the treatment, I wouldn't be in this mess but saying that, of course I want a child more.

Good luck to you too for 2016 xx

Hepzibah in reply to Natasha83

Nobody understands that gap thing. My husband certainly doesn't. He has children, how could he? Our relationship may depend upon a successful outcome. Otherwise, I won't be able to cope when he becomes a grandfather. I know it, deep down.

Hidden in reply to Hepzibah

Yes, I guess it must be hard for you too, in a different way.

You can always vent your frustration if you want someone to talk too.

I feel everything has just stopped, I'm just so bored of everything. I don't want to get up some days, something has got to be done, it's just knowing what!

Saying all that, keep going! x

Christmas definitely makes infertility struggles worse. Last year I got so depressed and overwhelmed by it all that I became physically ill and got admitted to hospital for 4 days with a kidney infection. As a result of this we had to delay our first lot of fertility treatment which was scheduled for the January. This Christmas I'm heavily pregnant with twins.

Things do change. Try and remember that eventually everything passes and you won't be in this awful place forever. Good luck for 2016 xxx

Hidden in reply to Kernishp

Thank you and good luck with your twins.

How exciting for you xx

Yes - you are not alone! Bfn Christmas week & af arriving on 23rd it was the last of the clomide (just done 6 months) so moving onto IUI in Jan - it's tough to go into another year still trying xxxxx

Hidden in reply to Mrsdurbs

I've just had 2 failed attempts on IUI and my 3rd is in February.

Hopefully 3rd time lucky!

For me being an older mum, more tries are needed.

Good luck with yours x

I've been preparing for christmas since my second cycle failed in October. I've had some horrible moments of emotional out bursts and the pain of not having a family at this time of year is unreal.

My councellor told me to "be kind to myself". I believe this to be the best piece of advice I have had. Give yourself time to grieve, feel down and let it out when it gets too much. At the same time it's trying not to let your feelings consume you so it spoils this time of year.

I cried myself to sleep christmas day night. I didn't have to say anything to my hubby. He knew. He just hugged me till I fell asleep.

Give yourself moments throughout the day and avoid situations you may struggle with and do things you enjoy to keep you as happy as you can be.

I understand your pain and you are not alone. Really hope you're feeling better in a couple of days. Big hugs x x x

Hidden in reply to Soapsuds86

For me loneliness plays a big part in feeling down. I'm not saying it's easier but at least you have your husband to comfort you, I do't have anyone really.

I'm not sure what I do enjoy now, life has become rather boring.

Thanks for your message x

It's definately been an upsetting Xmas, we finally got our bfp on our 6th attempt just before Xmas and told Xmas eve I was miscarrying early when hcg levels dropped. Xmas this year has been one of tears and my body is yet to naturally remove everything. Us ladies are really strong to go through what we do, be proud of yourself and never give up hope. The best things come to those who don't give up. Iv been heartbroken since Xmas eve but will bounce back and keep aiming for a positive outcome. Never give up on your dreams, sending huge hugs your way, surround yourself with lots of family and friends. Here's to 2016 hopefully a year to remember for the good reasons xxx

Hidden in reply to Flossy85

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, how upsetting for you but you seem a strong lady with a positive attitude.

Unfortunately, I don't have much of a family or friends so feel totally alone with my emotions sadly.

Good luck for 2016 x

Hi Distinction72,

I found Christmas is a dreadful time of year when you're going through infertility or treatment. Last year I managed to hold it together for Christmas Day but I completely lost it on Boxing Day and I felt absolutely dreadful. I had some counselling in December 2014 and also in the early part of 2015 which really helped me work through things.

This year I am 26 weeks pregnant. I've been reflecting on the difference between this year and last. Things can and do get better. You won't be in this place for ever.

Take care x

Hidden in reply to Hopeful1982

Congratulations to you, you certainly have an exciting 2016 ahead of you.

Most of my problem is loneliness and dealing with every decision and emotion on my own.

Good luck to you x

Hopeful1982 in reply to Hidden

I found it really isolating and that was with a partner so I can understand you feel lonely. Having a good support network is invaluable so if there is a family member or friend you can reach out to I would recommend it. Or maybe try fertility support group if there is one in your area?

Take care and good luck x

Hidden in reply to Hopeful1982

Thank you - sadly there aren't any groups around here like that and I've not got anyone else to really talk too but it's been like that from the beginning of my journey so some days I can cope better with it than others.

Good luck to you too x

Reading all your posts reminds me of exactly where I was this time last year! I too had waited nearly 2.5 years and 2 operations to start ivf. Only to be told Xmas week I would need another in Feb before treatment could begin. We also lost my father in law suddenly and traumatically last New Years Day! Ivf started last March and was cancelled as nothing grew, cue no period for 53 days. 2nd try took 16 days of injections which resulted in 5 eggs, only 1 was good enough on day 3!

Moving forward to this Xmas I can feel our baby son moving around and I'm due in 6 weeks. Never in a million years did I think I would be here this time last year and still she tears of joy on regular occasions. Please do not give up hope and always keep trying. You never know what is round the corner xxxxxxxxx

Hidden in reply to EllieD

Wow! A lot of us have had to be strong due to what's happened to us and for some of you, things have worked out and you have been lucky to fall pregnant. For others, like myself we are still battling on with trying as we approach another year ahead.

It's hard to stay focussed and strong sometimes but we have a way of doing it even though we don't think we can.

All the best to you and new baby, it certainly will be a good year for you xx

Feel all of your pain, it's been our worst Christmas to date. We usually love Christmas, even though no children and buying for everyone else's is painful every year, we always had faith. I can't lie, when Annabelle died I think some of that faith did too. The only thing that has got me through the last few days is knowing we may be able start treatment in the new year, but even that is a fear now. I've been robbed of the excitement too which is really crap, we bloody deserve to be excited! OH said to me last night, "what have we done to deserve this? The fertility stuff is one thing, the miscarriages so hard, but we never prepared to cremate a baby!" He's never really said it all like that before. We'd just got back from visiting friends for the evening, and both felt very much out of the loop at certain times (ladies chatting about their funny pregnancy stories hit me not being able to join in, stories of the baby who died isn't really polite conversation now is it). The holidays have certainly overwhelmed us both, and difficult situations have caused support to be in short supply. We've grieved all our losses, and obviously Annabelle this year more than ever, and done a few things to try to honour her. My biggest fear, is what if it doesn't work, or worse still, we loose another baby, I don't know how that will affect us both! I can only empathise to a certain degree to you guys having lost family members also, I'm so sorry for your losses. My father has been in and out of hospital the last few weeks, his heart condition worsening and due for surgery tomorrow. That has played a huge part in our lives these past few weeks, I'm petrified, all the while he's worried about us 😢

The best of luck and love to you all xxx

Hidden in reply to Parentsofangels

Thank you for your reply, I know it must of been hard for you to pour out your heart in a message.

Of course, you must talk about your gorgeous baby girl, Annabelle was an important part of your lives. Perhaps as a suggestion, in time you might like to write a book on the time that you had her, it may help.

Good luck to you too and by all means if you need to talk please do or send me a pm.

Hugs to you xx

How awful. I am being treated like an alien by my family, but keep my mouth shut to avoid a major clash. They really p*ss me off.


Hey ho,

I am with's hoping 2016 is ours xx

I have probably had the worst Christmas ever. Been looking after my husband's grown up kids who just mess us about every time. It's me time now. I am the priority and I am not dancing to their tune any more. As for next Christmas... I'm doing what I want, when I want. End of rant.

Hidden in reply to Hepzibah

Oh dear - that's all right you can rant away. I've been wondering how you were doing.

A few arguments in this house too - your right, it's time for you (us) now, that's what I've been saying too.

Write down some goals for 2016 and that might help x

Just been reading all the posts, it's a very difficult time for all of us going through fertility issues and for some extremely difficult. It's also a time when we reflect on the 2015 and all that we have been through. I feel both emotionally and physically drained! I feel that I have lost who I am going through this fertility journey, it takes over your life and that's all you think about. I've also put on weight the past few years, being on all the medications and having PCOS, so I don't feel good about myself either. This forum has been very helpful as no one really understands what you are going through unless they are going through it or have been through it, we feel each other's pain. So thanks for being there everyone. One of the posts said their councillor had said to be kind to yourself, that's exactly what my councillor told me. We all want a baby so much that we just keep on going, sometimes we have to stop pamper ourselves, look back at things we enjoy and do more of it. So in 2016 my focus will always be to have a baby but really going to try and get back to being 'me' again. Congratulations to those who have got their good news. Good Luck to everyone who is trying. Hope & pray 2016 is our year! xx

Bighope4 in reply to Natasha83

Hi there's so much truth in what you've said, you do lose yourself, I can't remember ever not being on this journey of treatment - if not the doing then definitely the thinking about it!

I would also like to say Thankyou for everyone being there in the dark and desperate times and also with good advice and support. You're right - we share the emotion and pain and yes for the lucky ones the best news ever, which gives great hope when it's needed the most. Thankyou to everybody on here for sharing, understanding, caring and just being there! Big hope for us all to get the new and exciting life that we yearn for in 2016! 😘Xxx

Hidden in reply to Bighope4

Good luck to you Helen for 2016.

Let's hope we can all look back this time next year and say 'It was tough but we did it'! x

Hidden in reply to Natasha83

That's well said Natasha - I too feel very emotional and drained, I've lost the person I am as well. I don't even know what I like doing any more and every day seems to take all I've got to get through it.

However, it's a new year so new hopes to come true and memories to make.

Look after yourself x

Hope that 2016 is your year. Xmas can be a really hard time and I am sorry to hear of your loss. As a newbie on here it is lovely to see others offering such great support and kind words. hugs x

Hidden in reply to MissyBlues11

Thank you - good luck to you too for 2016 x

Hello, dear Distinction72! I wish I could help you somehow! I'm sure one day Christmas will be the happiest day for your big family gathering. I'll briefly tell my story and you'll see there is ALWAYS the way out.

I'm 43 yo, pretty ripe age. We had been married with my husband for 7 years before we decided to have children. After we had tried to conceive for 1.5 years it became clear we just couldn't. I blamed myself for the most part because thought the reason was in me. My husband insisted it was his guilt. Seems like being at the dead end.

Then we pulled ourselves together and went through diagnostics. We were shocked! Our case turned to be one of unexplained infertility!

We didn't know for sure whether IVF would help us at all when applying for the programme but just took a risk. And were blessed! Now we are a happy family of three!

Wish you the same. I will be praying for your family to be expanded! xx

Hidden in reply to Marmo

Well going through treatment is just me on my own, I don't have a partner. Not sure I will get a big family but my hope is that I have a baby and then later on meet another partner. I am also the same age as you, so perhaps at 43 it either takes longer or is harder or both!

So pleased to hear that it all worked for you.

I have one more try of IUI and then I will have to find another clinic if I'm not successful x

Hi distinction72 I think this journey is quite lonely - I have found fertility friends (there is an east mids meet up if you are local) and having a ttc account on Instagram a great help - met so many people in a similar situation to me. The love & suport has helped a lot xxxx good luck for your IUI in Feb xxxx

Hidden in reply to Mrsdurbs

I'm from Hampshire and I believe there was one of the 'meet up' groups in the local area but there was always a waiting list to join!! I'm not on instagram either!

Yes, your right it is a really lonely journey and it does my head in thinking and waiting all the time!

Thank you for your wishes and all the best to you too x

There is no waiting list for the East Midlands group if you did fancy coming 😘😘 xxxx

Hidden in reply to Mrsdurbs

Thank you but the Midlands is a fair few hours drive from me!! x

Hi I found this chrismas hard as well. Are first attempt ended in miscarriage & we were due 23rd Dec... then my husbands shifts fell so he was working all over christmas for 5 full days straight on 12 hr shifts so I hardly saw him.

I'm now thinking i'm saving up my love for when it does work. Its hard to be positive but I dont stay convinced it is going to work then I might as well not bother doing it and save myself the stress and money.

Good luck you will get there x

Hidden in reply to poochi

It can be hard to stay positive when you find yourself coming up against various barriers and issues.

After my 2nd attempt, I was told to visualise a baby for the 2 week wait, which I did and then when it came to the test date, I was absolutely devastated that it hadn't worked and it really knocked me but I guess you have to to a degree to help with the treatment process.

Good luck to you too x

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