Feel a bit sad

I run a little class with babies and toddlers so I am constantly around little ones and have just found out in class today that 3 of my Mums are expecting their second so they were excitedly chatting away about scans, due dates, what they've bought etc which is all very lovely and I'm completely thrilled for them- it did however take all my might not to burst into tears and it's left me feeling a little bit sad. I feel silly even saying this but it just feels so unfair.

21 Replies

  • Don't be sad.....it's normal to feel that way, no matter how happy you are for someone it doesn't take away the fact that you are still in pain and heartbroken at our situations and journeys we have to incur without so much as a guarantee.

    Stay strong it will happen xxx

  • Thank you tamtam1 xx

  • I know exactly how you feel and life really is unfair at times. Try and stay strong and positive. I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, I'm just not sure what it is yet!

    Thinking of you, I know just how you feel xxxxx

  • Thank you katy79 xx

  • Oh bless you, I completely understand! I have my best friends pregnant with their second babies at the moment, two have just had their second babies and another is telling me she's 'conflicted' about having a second baby because being pregnant was so traumatic (it wasn't, she's a drama queen haha) and sometimes I want to cry when they're talking about decorating the nursery or how excited their first child is to have a brother or sister. But I don't. I smile, I nod, I agree and I support them. But our happiness for them doesn't stop us from feeling a little sad about when it will be our turn. It will be our turn one day... keep smiling x x x

  • That must be so difficult to be around, only one of my best friends has a little one but my other best friend is getting married next year and I know they want children so I don't think it will be long until they are pregnant. Xxx

  • I know that I once told one of them how I felt when I hear that someone is expecting. I said it as gentle as I possibly could knowing that she wanted a second child and letting her know it wasn't that I wasn't happy for others, you just think 'when's it going to be my turn'. I explained that I was aware that them having a baby has no impact on me having one! As a result she was hesitant to tell me she was pregnant. That made me really sad, I was so happy for her and she totally misinterpreted what I said. Feel like we can't win sometimes!

    It's hard when they are complaining about maternity pay and how difficult it is to look after a newborn or a baby and a toddler but I never tell them they should think themselves lucky, I completely understand that it must be hard. I just wonder how they will react when I (eventually) am pregnant. I hope that they will allow me to complain about the tiredness and the morning sickness just like they all did and not tell me that I should think myself lucky that I am finally pregnant. Does that make sense? I've told them in advance that I have as much right as them to talk about the bad as well as the good throughout this journey and I hope they will be there for me like I've been there for them. I'm sure they will be but you never know!!

  • I know I do find that I have to be careful what I say so it doesn't get wrongly received. I have barely told anyone about what we're going through as I didn't want to have to talk through the whole thing a million times. I did however tell one of the ladies I was doing some freelance work for as I couldn't make a couple of dates due to EC and ET but she was like 'oooo how exciting, when do you find out' which is all completely lovely I know but it was just really awkward as I was trying not to get too excited and just go through the process. She's got 2 of her own and so has been so 'excited' for me. I did say well we're trying not to get too excited by it as a long way to go etc. my poor husband is getting so down by it too- we were at a wedding and one of the guys said 'oh so you've been married 4 and a half years now when are you going to get on with it and have children' my husband replied well we're working on it! It's so hard to know what to say- I am constantly asked and another friend asked me and I said well actually were having a few fertility problems and she said 'well apparently I fall quickly as I'm expecting so if you ever need a womb!' I honestly didn't know what to say. My husband has stopped going on Facebook now as he can't bare to see all the pregnancy announcements from friends or pictures with their little ones which makes me so sad for him- and I feel terribly guilty as its me that has the issues if you get what I mean.

    I would like to think that your friends will be totally supportive when your pregnant and let you talk and share 'morning sickness' stories etc together. It's so difficult isn't it as you end up over thinking things-perhaps it's the crazy amount of hormones we have pumped into us, lol! Xx

  • I don't think there's anyone on this site that doesn't feel like this from time to time. I think it's quite natural to feel a bit down when you see other people so happy with their expanding families when you long for it yourself.

    My husband and I have five siblings between us and they have nine children between them! As happy as I am for them I can't help feeling sad for myself when there's another baby announcement.

    You're not alone in feeling this way xx

  • Thanks vickal xx

  • I feel your pain one of my good friends is pregnant after trying for 3 months. Even people's anoucements on FB stab at the heart a bit and it's not cause I am not happy for them but sad it isn't our turn xxx

  • Thanks button-123 ! Xx

  • That is understandable and normal. We can't help how we feel and when your around it, it brings those emotions to the front of your mind X

  • Thanks Kelly-03 xx

  • Yup we all feel the same and I'm a health visitor so working with families that neglect there children is really hard too! I see newborn babies everyday so I just smile through the day.....so hard when doing IVF too!

    Hang in there Hun xx 💕💕 it will happen for all of us

  • That must be so tough for you missy_22 xx

  • Don't be silly..

    I've been feeling really sad too I work with children and always loved it but ever since finding out I need ivf icsi to have a child and are first cycle worked and ended in a miscarriage I just don't think I can cope with my job anymore xx

  • Thank you so much for your messages and your kind words. Jupiter1234 I to have been thinking of closing my classes as I am finding it all a bit too much. It's amazing how much it plays on your mind and it's hard to put it to the back of your mind as there is a constant reminder. We had friends over on Saturday and I had Spotify music playing in the background then all of a sudden and advert came on saying 'Are you pregnant' well everyone looked at each other very awkwardly so I felt I had to diffuse the awkward tension by making light of it so they felt better. your lovely messages have really lifted me though- it's rotten we all have to go through this but this is a comfort to know I'm not on my own xxx

  • It's completely normal, I struggled quite a bit the last few years as everywhere I turned people were announcing their pregnancies, 3 good friends had new born babies and both of my nephews and one niece were having babies too. While I was happy for them on the outside and obviously wished them a healthy loving pregnancy, it was a heartbreaking battle inside, as I couldn't help thinking why can't it be me?

    All I would say is stay positive. I really hope your time will come soon. But don't be ashamed to feel sad when you need to. Infertility and ivf is emotionally draining,,one that unless you've gone through it,people don't really understand. I felt like I was grieving at times.

    I wish you success and hope you'll get your family soon Xxx

  • Thanks so much mrsvintageb (great name btw!). It's such a funny feeling isn't it the being happy for someone but sad for yourself- it's like a funny knot inside you. I've just been on the phone to the fertility clinic and they are calling me to hopefully do a FET in the not too distant future so I am trying to be positive and look forward to that. The only thing that worries me is that on her computer screen it said we had no embryos frozen but we were definitely told we had 3 so I am really hoping it's just a clerical error! It's such a roller coaster this whole journey and the medication I swear has sent me slightly nutty xx

  • I feel the same all the time - think it's normal - send much love 💝 Xxx

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