New to this

Hey folks I joined this forum to basically get info and support during our journey.

We haven't gone through any treatment just yet we are currently at the investigation stage and I found even that emotional and very overwhelming. So seriously you guys are amazing going through so much and such an inspiration.

I have found it very hard to talk to family and friends especially because all of them haven't been through this and don't really understand. There is also the constant questioning about what's happening and I really am sick of being told to stop trying and it will just happen. This seems to be the most popular treatment around lol. I have also seemed to have gained some really ugly personality traits that I never even thought I had such as jealousy and resentment. I feel this is so difficult to control my body language says it all really. On the other hand I go into avoidance mode I try to avoid people who have just announced they are expecting I think this is a coping mechanism I have adapted to avoid my emotions.

So our situation is I already have a 14 yo to a previous partner been with my hubby 10 years and started trying 2 years ago having had my implant removed and nothing has happened. My hubby has no children at all. Went to GP who after checking my history and me advising that my periods are as regular as clockwork they decided to check out hubby. He did 2 sperm checks neither of which could be checked for motility. We are unsure why. The first came back less than 10 mil the 2nd less than 2 mil. We have had our first consultation at the ARU hubby has done a lot of blood tests given them a 3rd sample actually done in the ARU and we are awaiting a scan appointment for him. Nothing has been started with me. We have our follow up appointment in November.

Already been told there will be no funding for treatment due to me already having a child even though hubby doesn't which is another thing we are trying to come to terms with.

I am honestly praying things will happen naturally but consultant never advised it would.

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  • Good luck on your journey kirsty and welcome to the message board 😊 I totally feel where your coming from as far as no one else understanding what you're going through and even when they do try to offer encouragement I used to get annoyed (they couldn't win really).

    I have taken comfort from people going through the same journey on this board, highly recommend it! It's a great place to air frustrations, ask advice or just have a rant lol.

    It's a cliché but the waiting for answers will seem to take forever and then time will go really fast, good luck 🍀xx

  • Thanks for your words of support it means a lot. I don't mind the waiting to be honest. It's the not knowing that bothers me I always try and have that little bit of hope that it will happen naturally. That's all I really want.

  • Welcome. We're all on different stages of the journey.

    It sounds like your going through the same feelings I did when we were undergoing investigations. Be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel sad and jealous.

    My hubby's first sperm sample had everything wrong with it that it could, 2 million, funny shapes, poor swimmers. Our consultant prescribed 5mg folic acid, vit C and E as he said it would help quality. The next sample was better and the most recent sample was 50 million and shapes and swimming fine. My hubby wasn't eating enough so it might be worth thinking about diet, limiting alcohol etc.

    I hope your follow up appointment goes well.

  • Thanks for the advice. Hubby is a big bloke although he has lost almost 2 stone in 10 weeks reduced his alcohol too. He had mumps in one of his testicles aged 21 we are unsure if this has had any impact.

    We have been advised to consider sperm freezing if hubby's 3rd sample was still low. The embryologist was going to call us after he done a sample last week to advise how many they were freezing but no call happened so we are hoping this is a sign that his sample has improved. I really hope we don't need ivf treatment and it will be as simple as extra vitamins or hormones.

  • Well done to hubby for losing the weight. We've continued to take the folic acid, vitamin C & E for the last year. Our consultant said we should take it for 3 months but we started ICSI a month after the initial consultation. We were told that sperm samples can vary but it seemed such a huge improvement. We've been advised that we'll probably need ICSI again due to the variations in sperm samples.

    Let's hope the 3rd sample is better but as Lynnr54 says ICSI helps significantly when there are issues with sperm. I would call the clinic to check the results of the recent sample.

    Good luck at your next consultation.

  • Yeah I understand the ICSI process compared with IVF have you's both had success previously with these treatments? We were just going to wait till November but I suppose it won't hurt to ring and query it. Yeah he's done really well we are both committed to helping ourselves so to speak I've also lost 1 and half stone took me months but I also quit smoking to give us a better chance

  • Well done to you to for losing weight and giving up smoking. Being healthier should help improve your chances.

    Unfortunately our 2 rounds of ICSI ended with BFNs. Due to my age (42), 2 failures of ICSI and 2 miscarriages from natural conceptions we're going to use donor eggs with our third and final go. We've been matched and I have started my injections.

  • Good luck I really hope your 3rd round is a success. I've got everything crossed for you. You certainly deserve it everything you have been through cant imagine how you have coped with it

  • Hi Kirsty_s, my hubby also has issues with his sperm. Neither of us have any kids so we were eligible for NHS funding so we went down the IVF route quite quickly rather than try and improve hubby's sperm quality first. I don't know how much you know about IVF yet but we had a process called ICSI. Essentially they take your hubby's sperm, identify they "normal" ones and inject an individual sperm into each of your eggs. This gets around the issue of mobility. So please be assured that if the results of your tests are that your troubles conceiving are due to your hubby then there are things they can do about it. Good luck with your journey!

  • Thanks I suppose we will see what the consultant says is the best option come November at our follow up but it is really interesting finding out everyone else's own experiences.

  • Hello Kirsty_S,

    Firstly welcome to the site. I hope you find it a source of support during your journey.

    Unfortunately (as I've also learned) family and friends often struggle to understand what we are going through. Infertility is a medical condition so it's not going to be resolved if you "stop trying" or "just relax". I think everyone on this site has probably heard the same comments and finds them equally unhelpful and infuriating!

    Also, all of the feelings you have are completely normal. Pregnancy announcements, bumps, baby showers, prams, christenings etc are all difficult to cope with. The emotions are tough and you often feel like a bad person but, you're not, you're just a person going through a very difficult time.

    You're doing all the right things by being referred to see a specialist. The only other thing I would recommend at this stage is counselling (as I found this helpful myself).

    Take care and good luck! x

  • Thanks. I think this is were my issues begin really. You mentioned counselling I am actually training to be a counsellor and we are trained to be accepting and understanding and so on. I think I am struggling with guilt and my own emotions at the same time. If this makes sense. I am trying to be happy for people but struggling with this and feeling guilty that I can't be.

  • Hopefully your training will help you through this time. I do completely understand how you feel though. It's horrible feeling upset at other people's good news and being unable to share in the excitement of their pregnancy.

    I think all you can do is acknowledge how you feel and try to accept the fact it's an awful part of coping with infertility. But, at the same time remember you are grieving so be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for how you feel. Afterall, none of us choose this!

    Take care x

  • I know it's just reassuring to know that these feelings seem to be normal for people dealing with infertility.

    How far are you with your journey?

  • Hello

    It's definitely normal!

    We're incredibly fortunate in that we had a successful round of IVF in June/July so (after 2.5 yrs of ttc) I'm now pregnant. I honestly thought it would never happen for us. Although, my fear of it never happening seems to have been replaced with a worry that something is going to go wrong!

    Good luck x

  • Wow congrats x

    I know it seems we spend an awful lot of time trying to predict the future instead of living in the present. Try and relax and enjoy every minute of your pregnancy x

  • Too true! Thank you x

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