Devastated but moving forward with a word of caution to others

So on the 3rd April I had 2 x 2day embryos put back. They were both grade 2/3 so didn't look good. 10days later we had our positive! Elation was not the word... roll on to our 7wk 2day scan and the clinic advised there was just a scan, no yolk sac or anything (this was done by an internal scan). They advised it could be ectopic, this was on a Friday at 4pm, they took bloods and advised someone would be in contact either Monday or Tuesday as they didnt work weekends. That night I was in a lot of pain so I called my local early pregnancy unit but they advised that the clinic would be negligent if they genuinely believed it was ectopic and hadn't referred me so they only booked a scan in for the Monday morning.

Saturday morning my DH & I decided we needed answers and to know for certain it wasn't ectopic so I booked a scan with ThisIsMy.

At 1030 we went in and the lady was great I told her our tail & she said she would do her best. They perform an abdominal followed by internal if needed..... She put the gel on & started to scan, her first words were, 'well there is the heartbeat' - DH instantly started to cry & I grabbed her arm & asked if she was kidding. She wasn't it was so clear on the screen, undeniable! However, our little one had a heartbeat of 85 and was only measuring 6wk 4days so was 6days behind in growth (the heartbeat should be over 110).

So this is the word of CAUTION, internal scans are NOT more accurate for everyone.

A week later (I cancelled the EPU scan) we went to the IVF clinic to confirm if the little one had survived, but this time we insisted on an abdominal scan. They didn't like it but they eventually agreed. They had trouble finding it but when they did no heartbeat. So we agreed to the internal as they were convinced it would show more, infact they couldn't even find it with the internal yet again! I had to drink loads more water & wait 30mins for them to do another abdominal scan as they hadn't taken any measurements. The next day we went back to ThisIsMy & they confirmed the loss. We just lost all trust in our IVF clinic after the scans.

Its now been 3 weeks since we had our surgical management of miscarriage and we are planning our next attempt.

We have 3 options:

1) Stay with the same IVF clinic (it is private & a leader in the UK apparently) - a company called has a fertility plan in place which makes this option very very tempting

2) Go to the extremely expensive clinic that we found in London - minimum cost will be 10K but they have a 63% success rate with over 35s 80% success if under 35

3) Go abroad - there use a treatment called PICSI which is only just being trialled in the UK.

We have opted for option 3 as our fertility issue is sperm related and PICSI picks the best sperm decreasing odds of abnormalities & another miscarriage.

Please feel free to ask me questions if you like. My Psychiatrist Doctor brother in law has already been making baby jokes at my expense.. if I can avoid ripping his head off, trust me no question you ask will offend :) Good luck to everyone and here to being part of the 2016 baby club, Andrea xx

17 Replies

  • Oh Poochi I am so so sorry for your loss, and the ordeal you've been through. I recently lost our baby at 16 weeks after our first IVF attempt. We are waiting to find out the cause before making further plans. You are so brave for picking yourselves up and moving on- not least going abroad to do so. I wish you every luck in the world xx

  • Hi WeeMrsH, I am so very sorry for your loss, I cant begin to imagine what you're going through. We weren't given any options to find out what happened so we're just hoping if was just 'one of those things'. We don't feel brave at all, I think we're scared to stop as then reality takes over. We're looking as going abroad as a holiday as well and the clinic we have chosen have so far been outstanding with communication (unlike the UK clinic we used). Take care of each other and good luck with your future journey xx

  • Because our baby miscarried 2nd trimester I think it's a bit easier to find a cause, and also they found fluid anomalies in our scans so think it was likely very poorly.

    Oh you are brave believe me, and so very strong, but I know what you mean about being scared to stop. Good luck, can't wait to hear your progress as this time will be your time :) xx

  • Hi Poochi, I am so sorry to hear that you've been through this. It will be a very difficult time for you and your hubby. Not an appropriate time for baby jokes at all! Best of luck with your next round of treatment. I wish you every success x

  • Thanks Hopeful1982, DH is still ranting about the 'jokes' now so avoiding any family get gatherings for a while. Wishing you lots of luck xx

  • Sorry to hear this tragic news.

    I was wondering how you were getting on, as we were almost at exactly the same stages through our icsi

    good luck for the future xx

  • Thanks Clairol. I hope you are doing well, very exciting times ahead :)

    Look after yourself, enjoy and let me know what you have xx

  • Even being pregnant the worry never stops because it as taken so long to get here.

    of course I will let you know what I have.

    All the luck in the world for your next cycle xxxx

  • Really sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

    Your brother in law doesn't sound very understanding, ripping his head off sounds reasonable but just imagine it!

  • Hi pm27, lol yes it would have been a lot funnier. We were just in shock as he is a doctor in a psychiatric ward, my DH is wound up now so he wont survive if he does it again haha :) good luck to you xx

  • Thanks poochi for sharing

    I also have a case related to sperms. After surgical retrieval they did ICSI transferred one fresh embryo 5dpt and then FET both failed. Left with three frozen for FET. Tried to ask doctor in review appointment whether there could be sperm quality if they checked? He said medical science knows only morphology of sperm which is obvious to note while freezing sample during surgery. He told me another evidence could be that 11 eggs our of 12 were fertilised. I never knew of picsi that you mentioned here in post. I am confused. I am on NHS.

  • Hi Hopeforicsi, picsi has been used for a few years abroad but trails have only started in the UK this year by only 14 clinics. I only found out the name of one of them (jessops in leeds) and they have below average results so I ruled them out. Unfortunately on the NHS you have limited options. We had our NHS funding transferred to a private clinic as we hoped we would have a better experience and result.. we got pregnant so cant complain on that front but overall it wasn't a better service.

    With PICSI they put the sperm in a container with a chemical that is similar to what an egg after ovulation gives off. The sperm that stick are the healthier sperm ie. less chromosome or DNA issues. The embryologist then choses from one of those sperm to fertilise the eggs.

    With ICSI the embryologist just picks based on which sperm look like they are best formed and moving the best.

    It is not an easy time but ICSI does work for many people, however my husband has a very poor sperm result so we need to narrow our odds of another miscarriage.

    Good luck in your journey xx

  • I see, may I know about your transfer from NHS to private clinic is actually an effort to get to PICSI some where in UK?

    I am on NHS funding, and I had same qiestiond about sperm quality, in my review appointment because in our case, whatever shown we could get was only through surgical retrieval. I never knew about PICSI. We had four embryos frozen in the process, and left worth three embryos for further FET cycles. I am starting nasal spray in July for FET. Should I speak to my clinic about PICSI?

  • Hi with our NHS treatment we weren't able to have anything new as the NHS wouldn't fund it. It may be worth asking your clinic if they are looking to use PICSI but not may clinics are trialling it so they may not recommend it at the moment. Hopefully 1 of your frozen embryos will be your baby & you'll have no need to look into other treatments. Good luck xx

  • Like others have already said on here I'm so incredibly sorry to hear your loss ,and I am totally horrified that your brother in law made jokes .I am sorry he upset you both at what must've been a truly awful time.Thinking of you and hoping in time you will feel a bit better. I wish you the very best with your new treatment cycle plan and from the bottom of my heart I truly do hope it works as you really deserve a baby .no one should have to go through wot you've gone through. And yes I agree fertility clinics can be pretty awful and cold places. Considering the sensitivity of the subject it is shocking could be a lot better Xxx

  • Thanks Jess 1981, hope you're doing well & lots of luck xx

  • Hi Poochi,

    How are things going? Can you please tell us also about the option 2 and 3?

    What's the clinic in London? And where did you go abroad? In our case, we are considering those two options especially going to Prague.

    Best of luck

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