Childlessness when surrounded by lots of mothers!

Hi guys. This is my first ever post. We've been trying to get pregnant now for nearly 2 years. My husband is in the army and we live on an army base. A lot of the wives don't work and just have child after child. I have a career and that fortunately is a distraction however, I am finding it harder and harder to be in this environment where motherhood is the sum total of most women's ambition! I just needed to talk to other people who are going through the same thing and understand how painful it can be. Thanks in advance ☺️

9 Replies

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  • I'm sorry you are feeling like this and I can understand how difficult it is. It is unfair that some women can have children so easily and others find it so difficult. Can I ask are you having fertility treatment or have you been to see a specialist yet? After two years I would really recommend you go and get help. If you really want a child, these days most women can have a baby though you may need some help to do so. Good luck and try to stay positive, your time will come. X

  • Hi there, I can honestly say I'm feeling your pain and know exactly what you're going through. I just joined up to find people going through the same thing and hopefully we will be able to support each other through all of this. I work in a Primary school and also feel like I'm surrounded by babies and pregnant ladies! We have been trying for almost two years and tests have shown there is nothing medically wrong so we are now about to go down the IVF route. Feeling quite nervous about the whole process but desperate to start a family and the doctor thinks this is the best way. I know it's easier said than done but please try to stay positive and hopefully it will happen soon. Good luck xx

  • Thank you ladies ☺️ We've had tests and there's seemingly nothing wrong with either one of us. The fertility doctor thinks it could be down to stress - I lost my dad a few years ago and army life can be a challenge. However, I now just want to take some action and we'll be going along the IVF route. It's helpful to know that other people can understand how it feels and I think I'll be using this a lot over the next few months. Thanks for your support! Xx

  • Hi Sarahmanc, my hubby and I have also been trying to conceive for 2 years with unexplained infertility. We're about to start IVF. Being around pregnant women and babies can be very difficult as its a constant reminder of what we don't have. It can definitely create a gulf too as they sit and talk about kids and kids parties whilst you have nothing (or at least very little) to contribute!

    Best of luck with your treatment x

  • Hi Sarahmanc,

    I'm in the same boat! Been trying for two years and am increasingly surrounded with mothers and pregnant ladies. Currently two of my sister-in-laws have just had babies and the other is now pregnant for the second time. I have very few friends who are not mothers now. At a girls night in recently a friend of mine was handing out cups of hot tea while her little girl toddled around and she said "I know we're all mummies and we know to keep the tea out of the reach of Jessie" It really stung as it made me realize that I was the only woman in the room with no children. I know she didn't mean to upset me but I find myself getting increasingly sensitive.

    This is a great forum for sharing how you feel and asking for advice. You're really not on your own. Good luck with your IVF journey. xxx

  • Hi Vickal,

    I'm often the only childless person and just nod my head and agree in those situations as they often happen in my professional capacity, I think most people assume that I have got kids.

    Even with people who do know our fertility issues make everyday comments that hurt me, I know they're not trying to upset me but it can be really hard. I try not to take any offence or show a reaction. With close friends it's not so difficult but I am worried about meeting my friend's new born as I don't want to spoil it for her. My issues, not her's or the baby's.

  • Yeah people can be a bit tactless and they just don't know what to say when you explain that you've been trying for a while. I thankfully have a few friends who just don't want kids so they don't even mention it. Anyway, it helps to have an outlet - thanks for your comments ladies xx

  • It's good you've got friends without children so it's not a constant stream of baby/children talk.

    You're right this forum is a really good source of support.

  • Pm27 I feel the same. I haven't yet seen my friend's new born because I just can't bring myself to do it. I know it isn't her fault or the baby's but I find it hard to be happy around new parents without a tinge of sadness. She is also the kind of person for whom most things have come very easily and I think her empathy towards anyone who has had to struggle is almost non existent! I find there are ways of making it easier like staying off Facebook a bit! Xx

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