Article about being childless at Christmas and not by choice

[Citizenerased83]

Hope it's OK to share this article from The Guardian. It resonated a lot x

google.com/amp/s/amp.thegua...

[CardiGrey]

Thank you for sharing this. I had a loss in September, have two stepchildren and I’m teacher. Struggling to get away from Christmas and really not enjoying it. I hope you’re as ok as can be in your fertility journey x

[Citizenerased83 in reply to CardiGrey]

I'm so sorry CardiGrey for your loss. So so hard. Be gentle on yourself lovely. Being surrounded by kids so often in other ways sounds so hard too. Thinking of you and sending you hugs and love. Xx

[Ms_here]

hi Citizenerased83

Thanks for sharing this article. A lot of the points really helped me to make sense of my feelings and in a way has validated them. I really felt alone and it’s been enlightening in a good way. Take care and it’s not just easy to deal with all the baby and family happiness around you when it’s takes every ounce of your being to stop being a sad sack and you’re no closer to having that. I hope that you get some rest over Xmas and new year. Good luck

[Citizenerased83 in reply to Ms_here]

Hi Ms_here glad the article helped. It all is so lonely isn't it. Honestly my heart just aches so badly for the two babies I lost and knowing how different Christmas would be if even one of those pregnancies worked out.

Thank you, I hope the same for you too and send all my good wishes to you for a baby next year. Xx

[WillowPark]

Thanks - very apt! Hope you are doing OK. It is a hard time of year 😔

[Citizenerased83 in reply to WillowPark]

Thank you. Struggling at the moment- it is so hard this time of year. X

[WillowPark in reply to Citizenerased83]

Absolutely - I'm the same. I've tried to shield myself from as much as possible. No TV, no social media. But you can't not go out and it is everywhere. We also can't try another transfer until February at the earliest, so I know the reality is as well that whatever happens I'll be sat here same time next year wondering if I will bring a baby home. It is quite brutal.

[Citizenerased83 in reply to WillowPark]

Brutal is the right word WillowPark Be kind to yourself and I hope when February comes for a next transfer it works for you. Perhaps use January as a month to do lovely things, nice date nights etc. I don't think we'll be doing another transfer if we get some normal embryos or a fresh ivf cycle if we don't until then either. Planning to use Jan to recharge. X

[WillowPark in reply to Citizenerased83]

Yeah that's what I'm telling myself too. Every transfer could be the one that changes everything, but it is hard to keep believing it when they don't... We also have another consultant appointment to discuss if there is anything else we can be doing, so I know it is productive time, but still time. At least we can chill over Christmas and have a full month in the New Year to recharge, as you say, after another difficult year.

[Citizenerased83 in reply to WillowPark]

So hard to keep positive and hopeful. There is so much digging deep with this whole emotional rollercoaster. I really hope your consultant suggests something that makes all the difference. DM anytime. I know how lonely and heartbreaking this journey is and how hard the wait in between cycles is too. X

[Krystal_43]

thank you so much for sharing ❤️

[Minniemouse88]

Thank you for sharing.I've found a lot of comfort in reading this and feel validated in hibernating this year! Xx

[Citizenerased83 in reply to Minniemouse88]

I'm glad it was helpful. Take good care of yourself xx

[Lenley81]

We got a negative test today after our second (and probably last) round. Now having to deal with the emotions of that, as well as working out how on earth I’m going to get through Christmas with my sister-in-law who is 8 months pregnant (and only met her partner less than a year ago!!!). I can avoid pregnant friends but I can’t avoid pregnant family. Anyone got any tips?

[Citizenerased83 in reply to Lenley81]

I'm so sorry Lenley81 . That's so so hard. Completely pulls the ground from underneath you.

I would really suggest not seeing your sister in law. Tell everyone you have covid or something and have a cosy, snug Christmas and see your family in the new year. So much pressure on these couple of days. X

[Lenley81 in reply to Citizenerased83]

I don’t really have a choice. I haven’t seen her since she told us she’s pregnant back in July (3 days after our first rounded ended in a negative test). She lives 4 hours away to I’ve managed to avoid it but there’s no way my partner won’t see his little sister over Christmas & he’ll expect me to be there too. It’s been a bit of “the elephant in the room” in that neither of us have mentioned her pregnancy since she told us. But a few weeks ago he pulled me up on the fact I haven’t once asked how she’s getting on which resulted in me bursting into tears & saying it’s just too hard to say it. If I were to say I didn’t want to see her…well it wouldn’t go down well. I’m just going to have to put on a brave face & my big girl pants & get on with it I think.

I guess it’s all part of the infertility/IVF journey.

[Citizenerased83 in reply to Lenley81]

I'm sorry there is no way to avoid seeing your sister in law over Christmas. Can you limit how much time you have to spend with her? Does she know about your situation and IVF? I guess I just hope she would be sensitive if she does know.

Sadly it is part of the infertility journey but I wish it was so different as we have to put up with so much and push our feelings deep inside so we don't upset others eventhough we're hurting. Dm me anytime if you want to chat. Xx

[Lenley81 in reply to Citizenerased83]

She does know & I know she was terrified to tell us, especially as her pregnancy wasn’t planned. She’s been with the father for less than a year! She burst into tears when their mum said that she had something to tell us. Then it took her ages to get the words out. All the time I was thinking “you are ****ing kidding me!!” It felt like some kind of sick joke!

Thank you for your message. It’s so nice to be able to join in with conversations with people who feel the same as I do.

[Citizenerased83 in reply to Lenley81]

Sorry for the delayed reply, been poorly this week. I'm glad your sister in law knows and hope she'll be sensitive when you see her. I know it's hard though as she'll be so visibly pregnant that you can't ignore it. I can understand why it felt like a sick joke. It's so hard.

I really hope you're doing ok.

Anytime, we all really understand. Xx

[CarlottaD27]

Thank you for sharing! What a great article to have out there in the public sphere in the hopes others will read and be a little more thoughtful to those of us feeling a bit sidelined.

The line about the identify crisis really resonnated with me - I'm defintely not out dancing and drinking (and don't want to be!) but i'm also not snuggled up with a family at home.

Sending lots of support and compassion to others struggling at this time of year - and at all other times of the year too! x

[Citizenerased83 in reply to CarlottaD27]

Glad the article helped. I feel the same about identity crisis too. Just wish Christmas was over with already. X