New to the group and an emotional wreck

Hello everyone,

I am new to this group and feel totally lost and confused. We found out that my partner has a damaged tube which he had an operation to try and resolve. Last night we were given the news that the operation was unsuccessful and that our next step is IVF. I haven't stopped crying, in my bed all day, feel angry one minute then as if I am grieving for someone the next.

To make matters worse I suffer from health anxiety which means I panic with any health related issues and always think the worse. Along with this I have never been able to swallow pills. Whilst reading all about IVF I have now started to feel incredibly anxious on top of feeling low.

It would be great to hear from you to find out exactly what happens within IVF and a bit of reassurance that all is not lost.

Thank you,


7 Replies

  • Hi really sorry to hear that operation wasnt success x know how u feel as my partner had vasectomy done years ago we met and his reversal was a fail too so he had to go for another operation called PESA .. Where they took sperm out of him with needle luckily they managed to get enough for 6 ivf/icsi cycles .. And we went for Icsi two month ago but unfortunately my pregnancy ended too early x I never had problem with injections or nothing like that so can't really imagine how u feeling about that but what helped me though is u know you are doing it all for baby and to hold baby in your arms it gives you strength and helps you overcome a lot x its long journey but u can see many success stories and that helps u through as well as this site any questions there's always someone to help .. Good luck to you both x

  • Hello Ballet_Girl, I'm sorry to hear that the operation was unsuccessful. It's a shock to realise you need IVF and that conceiving naturally is either or no longer an option or extremely unlikely. It is a loss and you do need to grieve. Fear, anxiety and anger are all normal emotions which, I suspect, are made more difficult if you already suffer from aniexty.

    I went for counselling which was really helpful and it has definitely helped me to cope much better. My only other advice is to keep close to your partner. Be kind and look after each other.

    Best of luck and take care x

  • Hi ballet girl, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I had a similar reaction and I imagine many others did too. I know this hurts like hell but it does get easier to cope with. I was told by my counsellor that a grief reaction is normal too. On a positive note, you are going to go through a process that increases your chances of conceiving. The IVF process varies depending on your circumstances and the clinic but generally involves a lot of scans and injections, sometimes a nasal spray is used for part of it. I haven't had to swallow many tablets since I started, just paracetamol for some discomfort, which you can always get effervescent version. Good luck with it all. If you have any questions or need support, we are all here for you xx

  • Like the others have said you've had a horrible shock and disappointment, I felt exactly the same when we found out my hubby's sperm wasn't good and now due to my age (42) we've been told to use donor eggs. Give yourself time to get over the shock and disappointment before making decisions. Keep talking to your partner and use this forum to offload and access support. Your reaction sounds normal to me.

    I too have a history of anxiety/reactive depression and I carefully monitor my emotional wellbeing, perhaps you could discuss support for this with your GP and clinic, counselling and/or medication might help. I'm also find taking tablets difficult and have done since I was a child, it doesn't make sense as I can swallow food so tablets should be easy! I did have to take tablets before and during the treatment and it wasn't as bad as I expected and I'm much better now at being able to swallow them than I used to be. There are some alternatives available as others have suggested, eg nasal sprays, so talk to the clinic about these.

    it isn't all lost! although I understand why you feel like this at present. When I told my brother the whole story he said "At least you've got that option" referring to ICSI in our case, I found this a bit difficult to accept at the time but he was right as at least there was a glimmer of hope.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Thank you all for your kind and supportive words. It has definitely helped. Although my friends and family are all supportive I feel they don't quite get the feeling since all have children already.

    Once again thank you x

  • I'm so sorry your feeling this way I remember feeling like you to I was so angry at the world and I would then break down and cry kept asking myself why!!!! Couldn't believe it but after trying for five years it was time to try ivf and learnt to except it and a little success story I had a postive result first try and had one egg in that implanted went for 7 week scan and found out I was having identical twin girls and they came on the 14 April. So don't give up chick please don't you will get there it's a long up and down road but it does happen please take care and take each day as it comes and I wish you all the luck in the world xxxx

  • Definitely get some counselling. I felt so angry and sad when we found out we'd need ICSI IVF due to male factor issues. Then I felt guilty because I felt angry- as it's not my husband's fault. I kept cycling between anger and guilt and getting very anxious and depressed. I sought counselling and my counsellor pointed out that ICSI IVF is the only situation in the whole world where a person has to undergo treatment for a condition their partner has (while their partner undergoes no treatment), so it's not surprising to feel angry about having to go through it. Keeping your partner close is great advice. When I started my treatment my husband was overseas on a business trip and I resented him enjoying nights out while I was home alone injecting myself, it was horrible. I know it feels very daunting right now, but you will find a path through this- and before you know it you'll be an expert on IVF and fertility issues!

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