Fertility Network UK

Why is this happening to me.. Not her, she can't be serious!!!

I have a very complicated family as I'm sure many people do in this society, to cut a long story short my mum n dad divorced many years ago, and my dad re married. My Dad's wife has a daughter who is 21 in a few days, I'm 28years old now and to say we didn't really hit it off would be fair. Not through want of trying on my part though. It was the final straw when I went to visit my dad last year as he lives in some far distant but very sunny land, she was also there. She said my dad was treating her differently and overall was just very spoilt and jelous.. I expected this because her mum treats her like a baby..

So imagain my shock yesterday when my dad told me my in married step sister is PREGNANT! I can't describe in words how I felt, she didn't plan a baby and as far as I can see is still too immature to look after one, yet god sees fit to grace her with a child and make me suffer all the more.

I usually feel bad for those jelous thoughts or those fake smiles and Congratz but something inside me is different this time... I did not say Congratz or pretend to be happy and I can't be happy.

The first grandchild my dad should have been graced with is ours, not the one of a child who only related by marriage.

And further more what hurts the most is that my grandparents have known 3 weeks and not told me.. I feel betrayed, hurt and most of all self pity!

Thanks for listening.. A done and out of the game saz :( x

3 Replies

Honey, feeling for you, you seem to be hurting a lot. Do your family know that you are struggling? That may be why they held back in telling you about the pregnancy in that they were worried how you would react. Perhaps you may need to talk with them about it - there is a fact sheet on the main INUK site which may help them? You may need to tell them what you want to hear and not hear about this pregnancy, or at least let them know it is hurting you at this time so you're going to take a step back - at least you have then tried to let them know why you won't be involved so much at this time.

If you can, focus on the fact that her journey in life is different to yours, and there aren't a finite no. of babies to go around and so it will have no impact on your journey.

Yes, it would have been nice for you to have given the first grandchild, and I was fortunate that our siblings had their firsts before we discovered our issues, but that isn't going to stop people caring for you when you get your good news.

FG x


Thanks for that, I am struggling at the moment.

I seem to pick my self up and another month rolls by and I'm not pregnant..

I don't know how long I can keep doing this. My family don't know how to react, itry to tell them how it feels but I truly believe unless you have been through it yourself then there is never an understanding.. My family just tell me it must not be my time.. Infertility is an all ward illness, people feel shy and embarrassed by it. I did too to start with, but I have realised there is not to be ashamed of, I can't change it I just wish my family would accept it and help me through instead of feeling its mothing and I have plenty of time.. I try to remind they a 8yr battle is very draining! I will check out the main site and thanks again for those words of support.

Saz :)


I'm sorry about what's happened. Infertility is unfair & I don't know if it ever gets any easier when people who you don't like get pregnant, or people who have already had a baby get pregnant again, as month by month you struggle. And then there is the weird way people behave around you when they aren't sure how you will react to hearing someone is pregnant (like perhaps you will steal it once it's born!). It's bloody difficult and I wish I had something more helpful to say. I spent so long not telling people and making excuses when people asked, now I just say what we're going through & be as honest as I can.

I try to take some comfort from the fact that I am doing all I can to make sure we follow the treatment process and keep as positive as possible.

I'm sure once you succeed your Dad will feel different towards his own daughter's grand child than his step one, even if he won't be able to say so. Grandparents usually have enough love to make each grandchild feel special and loved and lets face it, that is what is important.

I'm sorry I don't have the words to make you feel better at the moment. I hope that knowing someone understands your pain goes some way to ease it.


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