First midwife appt with donor egg pregnancy

[Peanutbanana13]

Hi, I am 9 weeks pregnant using an anonymous donor egg and my husband's sperm. I have my midwife booking appointment in a few days. As I recall from being pregnant with my daughter (non-IVF) (and also 3 subsequent non-IVF miscarriages), the midwife asks a lot of medical history questions at the booking appointment.

Does anyone with a donor egg baby remember what this appointment was like and what kind of things they asked you? I am worried they will make me feel uncomfortable about the donor egg situation if they are not adequately trained to be sensitive to different circumstances. And I have to go on my own as my husband will be away.

Grateful for any advice.

Thanks.

[Krystal_43]

Hey! I remember this appt well. The midwife will ask lots of questions and it’s up to you whether you disclose the donor or not. I think there’s just one blood test that they don’t need when you have a donor egg (& our ivf clinic had already run this test on the donor so I knew it was gone) . We did disclose and it transpired that our midwife used to be an IVF nurse so was super sympathetic/not awkward. I think midwives in general are trained on this as it’s not uncommon - but some of the other professionals (eg my GP) seemed a bit more awkward about it.

[Tnthketnf]

Currently pregnant with DE. Ihad such an appointment a few months ago. I had to answer about my medical history that I understand helps them identify risks for the gestation. I chose to disclose the donor conception. The midwife was not awkward at all. She just asked about the donor's age. In my notes just says "assisted conception" and apart from the screening tests at 12 weeks( where again they needed the donor's age and date of egg retrieval-if known) it hasn't come up again. I ve been going through some complications recently and the fact that my baby is donor conceived has not been mentioned. I think that although it's not common, it is a known scenario in maternity services and most staff are sensitive.

[Doodlebug23]

my midwife was fascinated as she said it’s still not something they see very often. I felt like a celeb lol. Personally I felt I should give full disclosure to make sure I was given the best appropriate care.

[Clara22]

Hi, congratulations on your pregnancy. I had a donor egg pregnancy. From what I remember all question's around medical history were related to me and the pregnancy. Questions included: is there a history of blood clots within close family, high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, autoimmune conditions etc. it was more about identifying risks and managing those. I chose to tell them it was a donor pregnancy and the only time they asked questions about it was for the donors age, to calculate the risk of Downs, Edwards and Patau. Other than that it was written in my notes but not really mentioned.

[Isabelclaire]

At my booking appointment my midwife misunderstood and thought I was pregnant with a DE. ( I'm pregnant via IVF with my own egg) I only realised a week later when they called me to arrange a blood test that they only give to DE mums..... So it's probably worth being open about it, to get any extra tests if needed. Also the more people who are open about it, the more normalised it becomes (but only if you are comfortable with it). ❤

[Twiglet2]

not donor egg but donor sperm in 2 pregnancies and they were totally fine in that appointment. I also found it best just to be upfront. In fact as soon as I said IVF they asked if it was my own eggs I think in most recent one as it affects some of the later appointments/conversations further down the line (like NT results). We had some medical history of the donor so I told them what we could. This will be something you need to deal with throughout babies life too so may as well get the convos started, I’ve found all doctors and nurses and midwives completely professional when dealing with my pregnancies and my child’s medical history questions (have a 3.5 year old donor conceived child that’s needed some consultation and hospital stays due to his breathing etc.) I’ve also had some mess up a tiny bit if they ask an irrelevant question etc and they feel more stupid than you do when you correct them so I just laugh it off 😂 I e not found one person who isn’t trying their best to be helpful and supportive though of a situation that isn’t their ‘bog standard’ convo xx

[Dragon1632]

I don't remember the exact questions but I told them it was a DE pregnancy so they know the full facts, as it is relevant for some of the tests going off the age of the egg, and also in my case I'm Type 1 diabetic so it was relevant for them to understand the baby wasn't genetically linked to me directly for that. I found the midwife was absolutely fine and seemed to know all about it. My diabetic consultant was very interested in how it all worked and asked lots about it all - although not in a bad way and it wasn't uncomfortable, he was just interested in how someone my age could conceive (I was 45). xxx

[Backagain987]

I think it takes a while but you definitely need to be prepared to discuss DE during pregnancy and beyond. It was important for things like sickle cell testing, Harmony testing etc., but has also been important since my daughter is born for medical tests etc. Generally most medical professionals are empathetic and understanding if not a bit fascinated! x

[Peanutbanana13]

Thanks so much everyone for your responses. Definitely intend to disclose for all the reasons others have highlighted. Just wanting to be prepared for what to expect in the hopes my first encounter with the healthcare system as a donor egg mom will be a positive experience (or at least not a negative one)! So thanks for all the advice. I've asked the fertility clinic for any info they can disclose, and they've provided the donor's age and a list of diseases she was screened for.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences.

[Kitkat10]

Hi, my midwife didn’t really ask anything in particular which meant that I felt I had to mention the DE origins.

They did ask for confirmation from the clinic that the donor had been tested for a few things, which they always are. As far as I know, donor screening is pretty thorough.

But my community midwife was extremely sensitive and kind and for the vast majority of appointments, the donor situation didn’t arise at all. They are just concerned about your own health and well being and how you are feeling. I was worried about an increased risk of pre-eclampsia with a DE baby but my consultant told me that it was a very small increased risk and to be vigilant for signs as any other pregnant person but not to worry I was a higher risk.

Good luck and try and enjoy your pregnancy, I totally get that it can be an anxious time and I felt like I had a ‘secret’ I had to keep but honestly, my lovely midwives weren’t really that interested in the donor situation , they just looked after us like we were the most ‘normal’ mum and baby there. In hospital after my daughter was born, my midwives had no idea I had even in gone IVF 😂😂

Good luck xx 🩷🩵

[Peanutbanana13]

Thank you. Super anxious time for sure as I have done 3 booking appointments in the last 2 years - all ended in miscarriages, so I am slightly wary to begin with. But hoping the donor egg means that risk has been largely taken care of now and I will go on to have a healthy pregnancy this time. I will feel more reassured after the 10wk scan and Harmony test next week!