I haven’t posted on here in along time but I still read the posts every week. . when you are on the path of IVF for so long it’s hard to step away from such an amazing forum
We were finally blessed or maybe just luck eventually with a baby boy who is17 months old. We made the move to DE after 4 failed rounds with OE.
We would love to try for a sibling - We have no Embryos left and the donor doesn’t want to donate again.
The clinic has found us a new donor - decision time!!
I will b 45 in January- am I too old ?
Do you feel society judges you ? (any over 40”s reading this)!
Having a different donor have you had issues with this?
No one knows we did IVF for our son but if we go ahead and it works, I feel one would have to tell family, friends as the odds are low getting pregnant naturally over 45.
Sorry this post is all over the place a bit like my thoughts right now xx
Thank you for reading if you did x
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Hopeful80
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Haha I'm the same, can't step away from this forum...
Personally I wouldn't even consider what society thinks about you having a baby at 45 - who cares - if it's what you want then go for it! And you don't need to tell anyone you did IVF if you don't want to - you certainly can get pregnant naturally at 45...
In terms of being too old - I've thought about this too - we are so lucky to have a little boy who is 2.5 now and we did 3 transfers this past 8 months to try for a sibling. Sadly we had 2 BFNs and 1 mmc. So our journey is at an end, but I was worried about being old and tired and starting it all again. I felt like the tiredness the first time round was such a killer and I would have been even older. But honestly I wanted it anyway so I decided that that was the least of my worries. If it had worked we would have just dealt with it, tiredness and all. In the grand scheme of things it's only a couple of years of that, then you start to get yourself back to "normal"...
We must decide - I think I’m thinking too much and of course it’s the financial cost too but it’s like a constant nagging in my head and heart the past few months-
Course I breastfeed for 15 months then too so I should have stopped earlier.
Hindsight is a great thing
I hope you are coping ok - you are always so kind to message everyone and give advice x
Haha it's so hard to know what to do isn't it. The financial side does come in to it too which really makes me so cross when others can just shag and it's done. But hey, that's the hand we've been dealt.
Ah thanks lovely, I'm ok - enjoying a summer of sun (kind of) and cocktails xxx
This can be a difficult decision to make Might be an idea to have some counselling - it may help clear your mind Try the British Infertility Counselling Association bica.net This is not a free service but they are all specially trained in counselling couples with fertility issues
It’s such a tough choice! I’m 40 and have just had an FET and in the 2WW, although I’m not feeling positive about the result. I really want to give my little girl a sibling, but I can see how the mental toll it’s taking on me going through more IVF is taking away from the energy I have for her. If this round doesn’t work we have 1 more frostie and will call it quits if that fails.
I totally agree with Millbanks re your age. I wouldn’t care what anyone else thinks! And older mothers are increasingly common these days so not sure people think much of it.
Hi! I'm 41 and I have a 4 month old and I still have 2 frozen embryos left so I'm planning on using those embryos next year in October so I will be 43 and a half when that baby would be born, I wouldn't care what people think about age as it's very common these days and it's none of their business, I wish you all the best
Hi Asha82 & Lana89 same here! 40 this year & have a 3 month old that we are so thankful for. We are also eager to get him a lil sibling 🙏🏽 with the 2 embryos we have left.
How did you determine when to try for the 2nd? October next year for you Asha & Nov this year for you Lana?
We met with the ivf clinic and they said we can start trying 6 months after the baby was born so December for us but that we may want to consider trying to do one final egg withdrawal before no more chances for this are left (age/egg quality). If we go with asap (dec this year) it also means that I need to stop breastfeeding now to get menstruation going asap. Did you breastfeed? If so, for how long? Feel a bit guilty to stop breastfeeding our current blessing to already focus on potential next Bebe.
Hi! No I couldn't breastfeed because my milk supply was extremely low, I determined October next year because I want a 2 year and 3 month age gap which I have between my 23 year old daughter and 21 year old son
Hi lovely I didn’t breastfeed but there will be other ladies on here that have stopped to have a sibling if you have a look . My clinic is in north Cyprus so I’ve waited till my boy turns 1 so he is bigger and stronger before I took him on 2 flights and all the way there if my clinic was in the uk I probably would of put the other 2 back by now to be honest. If I was you lovely I’d wait till dec put the 2 back you have fingers crossed they stick and if not your only nearly 40 your not old you could do a collection in jan/feb babe will be eating food by then drinking water and having less milk good luck with what ever you decide lovely xxx
Hi lovely I’m the same as asha82 I have a 11 months old and still have 2 in the freezer which I will be putting back in November so if works will be 43 my sister had 3 baby’s after 40 and no one questioned it natural so if I was you I wouldn’t care what people think you don’t live your life for everyone else so you just do you if I was you i would go for it best of luck to you lovely what ever you decide xx
I gave birth to my daughter at 46, to be honest I am kind of over other people’s opinions! I am fitter and healthier (as well as financially and mentally more stable) than ever. I wouldn’t have chosen to have her so late but it took us 8 years to have her, so it wasn’t our choice, and we feel very blessed that we did.
Sometimes I worry it’s selfish to have a baby so late, but then I think i could have had her at 20 and then been hit by a bus at 21. No long term future is guaranteed for anyone, all I can do is give her the love and best start in life that I can. Which is what I am doing, and I hope to live to at least 90 so she will be stuck with me for a while!
The sleepless nights are quite tough when you’re a bit older, and not looking forward to toddler and menopause happening together!! But long story short it’s the best thing I ever did!! 💕
first of all congratulations on your little boy! I am an older mum and had my 1st IVF baby at 42 (3 months before my 43rd birthday), then a double FET at 47 and now have almost 2 year old twins! My journey is well and truely over now to be blessed with 3 little ones. My goodness it’s constant and the whole house is a play pen! But you know what I wouldn’t change it. When I see the three of them interact it’s a precious moment (when they aren’t squabbling!)
When it comes to sharing with others what your plans are why do you need to? If you want to then fair enough but if you don’t then don’t. IVF journeys are so private, sensitive and emotional it’s up to you if you wish to share or not.
Yes, my partner and I have had our family later in life but to be honest I wasn’t ready in my 20’s or 30’s and certainly not responsible enough either, I was having my career then and now my new career is being a mummy.
My OH keeps saying “ a sibling be lovely “ but like I’m the one that would be doing the whole process etc - then I’m hit with a feeling of guilt not giving/considering a sibling - I know even DE don’t work all the time either so I really need to think and decide but reading your post as given me hope xx
I completely understand where you’re coming from. People judge, and they will continue to do so. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant with our second DE baby, and I’ve heard my share of hurtful comments. It can be tough, but I’ve learned to stop minding them. What matters most is that we wanted a second baby, and we’re thrilled about it.
It’s natural to worry about how society views us, especially being over 40. But remember, your journey and your family’s happiness are what truly count. As for having a different donor, it’s normal to have concerns, but I’ve found that love and connection aren’t defined by genetics. If you and your partner feel ready and excited about expanding your family, that’s what’s important.
Take your time with this decision and trust your instincts. Wishing you all the best on this journey, and know that you’re not alone in facing these challenges and feelings.
Congrats on your pregnancy - hope you are feeling well.
I’m sorry to hear you have had some hurtful comments that is awful - people can b so cruel and nasty- thank you for being honest about your experience xx
You are so so right - my OH says the same it’s our business our life - we only have one life and I don’t wave to have any regrets either so I need to take time aside and decide xx
Feel like I’m trying to claim the prize here though I’d love to be beaten 😂 I’m 48 and 21 weeks with my 1st baby (DE). I was a little worried about peoples reactions, but I do look younger than my age, so those who don’t know are oblivious, and those that do haven’t had a single bad word to say.
I feel k a Kerr’s most of the time, but as it’s my first I have nothing to compare it to. But tbh I don’t care what people think. I’m 💯 ready for this. So I say good luck to you and go for it. No regrets!!!
“You wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.” (I think doctor Phill of all people said that).
So, who cares about the others? If you are ok with being pregnant again and with different donor (I personaly would not mind), then go for it. It is about you and your family and you do not own anyone any explanation.
That is v true - think i might b over thinking things but I know everyone has their own life to live too - sometimes people say stupid hurtful things but that says more about them than our choice of happiness and trying to grow our family x
That’s how I was with my little boy 43 when I had him everyone was so happy - I just feel maybe more explaining to do if we were even lucky enough to get pregnant again at 45 x everyone has been so kind replying to me lots to think about x
HeyI've just turned 46 and am nearly 10 weeks with the baby I've been trying for for 8 years. I have no doubt that people will judge and it will be tough. But I honestly don't care they have no idea how hard I have fought how hard anyone on here has fought. So they mind their own .lol. good luck to you xxx
That is true - v easy for some people to judge and when they have no idea the journeys we have been on the despair ,sadness the way it can take over your life -
go for it! I’m turning 44 next month and have just welcomed my little girl via DE.
No one suspected IVF, even the midwives were unaware she was an IVF baby. No one mentioned my age to me even if they thought it. My partners family don’t know about the IVF and no one asked me about this pregnancy.
I was very lucky but had an uncomplicated pregnancy and felt great (apart from weeks 8-12 🤢). I worked up until 39 weeks because I felt fine to do so. The antenatal care on the NHS was fantastic and I had a straightforward induction of labour and birth and returned to gentle exercise after 2-3 weeks.
Maybe people do judge but I don’t care. I do dye my greys out of my hair 😂 but I don’t feel any different to any of the other mums at nursery pick-up (I have a 2.5 year old toddler).
I tried to go into pregnancy as fit as I could be and I admit that having the chance to use DE took the pressure off my worries about my age. Good luck whatever you decide xx
I had years of infertility before I had my first child at thirty-nine. I had her sister just a month shy of my forty-second birthday.
She's six months old and I've had no judgement from society. Not from health care staff, friends or strangers. Some of my friends of the same age have babies or toddlers so this has made it easier for me as I have other friends who are grandparents!
My advice would be to try for a sibling. Seeing my two together I'm so glad that we had another. You still have a baby so it's not like you're starting all over. I think you'd regret not trying if it's something you really want.
No-one besides health care professionals asked how they were conceived. Friends knew that my first was natural because I almost keeled over in shock after so many years of infertility. If no-one asked with your first I'm doubtful they'd ask this time around.
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IVF pregnancy keep thinking the worst. 
37 and not pregnant. 
Low PAPP-A - experience?
