I wasn't going to post but I am really struggling with my anxiety and hoped maybe there may be people here who understand and can offer any tips?
I have been TTC for 5 years, been through multiple IVF cycles and had 2 miscarriages and second trimester loss due to chromosomal issues. No live birth.
We are now 8 weeks after being about to move to egg donation and I'm just really anxious because of my history, always feeling there might be something wrong. This is exacerbated by my lack of symptoms - the only symptom I have had is one sensitive boob and it just keeps going away.
I had a viability scan last week and was relieved to see a heartbeat. But over the days that have passed since then I am getting more and more anxious. I have another scan in a week's time.
I'm terrified of missed miscarriage even though I have never experienced this. This is unlikely right? Keep thinking even though I had a scan at 7 weeks anything could have happened in the time in between and I might not know. Because I have so often fallen on the "wrong" side of stats I keep expecting something distressing to happen.
I wondered if anyone has any tips on how to keep the anxiety at bay as much as possible? Like how not to think about this all of the time.
Does anyone have any good box set recommendations?
Is the lack of symptoms / that they come and go cause for concern?
Thank you x x
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Skittles11
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So sorry to hear of your past losses - this is such a tricky one, as naturally you will worry. I found that until my 12 wk scan i was consistently a bag of nerves - To help i was having weekly private scans so i could make sure everything was okay & i found that once i had had a scan, my anxiety eased & as it started to creep back in i was due to go for the next. Perhaps a viscous cycle, expensive ?! yes... but did it help - 100% ! and absolutely worth every single penny.
My anxieties only really started to ease when i felt baby move at 19 wks, and even now at 32 wks i still have my moments but have learnt to trust my body. We have extra monitoring due to IVF & low papp-a which is very welcome in my eyes.
I read alot, Coleen Hoover books are great to get lost in & such an easy read ! I also got hooked on Narcos... There are 3 seasons and so many episodes & its actually a great watch ! My husband took us new places at weekends which was always a welcome distraction too...
Congratulations & Be kind to yourself, worrying about worrying will only make you worse x
Also ill just add that my symptoms very much came and went, its normal for them to ebb & flow. One day my boobs would be super tender, the next absolutely nothing. And then as one symptom eased, when things progressed i gained another. Just be aware of whats normal for you x
Thank you Kate-92 I appreciate you replying and sharing some of the things that worked for you. I will also be having additional monitoring starting next week due my history, that's why I'm trying to hold off until scan next week as it's an NHS one.
I'll have a look at the show and the books by Colleen Hoover. Think it would also be a good idea to have some additional bits in the diary!
I also have a sore throat and even that's making me worry!!
Thanks for the reassurance on the symptoms, I just have to keep telling myself it's different for everyone.
It is different for everyone, my friend had a symptom free pregnancy ! Not one thing bothered her... x Its hard not to read into everything, i appreciate that and i was the same - I hope you start to feel a bit more reassured when the regular monitoring starts x
Hi Skittles, firstly cautious congratulations. I know this will be an incredibly anxious time after all you've been through.
I found having more information really helpful - I.e. having scans where I felt anxious. You've had one at 7 weeks which has been good, but it may be worth considering having more regular scans where you can. I know this is expensive to do privately, but you should now be able to contact your NHS maternity unit. You could try explaining your situation (what you've been through previously) to them and seeing whether they'd agree to you havong an NHS scan between now and your 12 week scan.
For what it's worth, my understanding is that once you've had a good viability scan at 7 weeks you have a high chance of this pregancy going the distance. There is a website with a miscarriage calculator where it tells you what your chances are of not miscarrying with every day that you're pregnant. I found that quite reassuring, but it's not for everyone. I'll see if I can send the link to you.
On symptoms, I found that mine would come and go. Sometimes I'd feel completely normal and sometimes I'd have very subtle symptoms. It really worried me, but no symptoms or symptoms that come and go are often not a sign that something is wrong. They definitely come and go at different times throughout pregnancy. It definitely happened to me at the stage you're at now.
Also, distraction definitely helps to pass the time, but it depends how easy you find it to be distracted. During stressful times in my life, not much has helped to take my mind off things. When I was finally pregnant, I started arranging more things with friends and that did help to keep my mind from wandering.
On boxsets, it really depends what sort of thing you like. Schitt's Creek on Netflix is good if you fancy some light hearted comedy. Selling Sunset or Selling the OC are both also good if you like the whole reality show sort of thing. If you want something more serious, Kin is a good watch, so I'm told.
It's very cliche, but it's definitely true that it's good to try and take things one day at a time. I'm staying hopeful that everything will work out for you this time around, but I do understand the apprehension and anxiety you must be feeling right now.
Hello lovely, it's been a while. I hope things are good with you and thank you for replying to my post
I have already spoken NHS and due to my history, they will be more closely monitoring me starting next week for which I am grateful. It still seems so far away though but I don't think I will book anything private in the interim so just need to get through the next week. Did you find you were more closely monitored yourself if you dont mind me asking? And were you anxious?
Thank you for helping reassure me on the symptoms. This is my fourth pregnancy and I've never had strong symptoms and I think this is part of the problem - that I've never had strong symptoms and I've never had a live birth. But I know on a rational level it probably doesn't mean that much either way.
Thanks also for the box set suggestions. The only one I've seen of those is Schitt's Creek (which I loved!) So will have a little look at the others. I will continue trying to take one day at a time. I find it very hard to be distracted but I can be if the distraction is powerful enough. X x
That's good that you will be monitored more closely and get another early scan with the NHS. It will feel like a long wait. I remember it well. I didn't get extra monitoring until later on in my pregnancy. I got a couple of early private scans which helped me to deal with the anxiety better in those initial stages. I'd had a tested embryo transferred so had some reassurance from that already. I was still very anxious though and very scared to relax.
I've had three pregnancies and on both the normal ones (one we decided toTMFR due to an inherited genetic condition, but was chromosomally completely normal) I had hardly any symptoms, whereas for my chemical pregnancy I had very strong symptoms. It's easy to assume lack of symptoms means something isn't right, but some women and pregnancies just don't have any/many.
Hopefully your next scan is here before you know it. The waiting is so so hard at this stage!
I know I’ve said this before but I really didn’t have any symptoms with my successful pregnancy 🩷💜🩵💙
And anything I did have came and went (very minor twinges).
I had a fair few scans too because of a haematoma but that was at 17 weeks.
The time between the first 2 scans with the clinic was hell. But the 6 week scan was good (good size and heartbeat) so there was no reason to suspect anything would be different at the 8 weeks scan but I was still scared out of my mind.
It’s only natural I’m afraid after the hell of IVF and losses - and the only thing that helped me was just repeating to myself that everything would be ok. Over and over…
Yes - the 'scared out my mind' really does ring true for me as well. Going through IVF and losses really is a joy stealer! Hoping that you are doing okay in the circumstances X x
Hello Skittles, such a relieve to see heartbeat! I am very happy for you.
I can relate to your anxiety. I went through the same after being pregnant for the third time after two silent miscarriages. And this was with an euploid embryo. I still could not sleep at night because I did not believe my body could do it. No pregnancy symptoms to assure me so I don’t think these are a good indicator.
The only thing you can do is to have more monitoring and scans. Though I had scans every two weeks through my fertility clinic and once the heartbeat was detectable by a doppler I would rock up to my gp almost weekly to have a listen, these only helped for maximum of two days at most. Usually till just the next day. After that I was in a pitfall of doubts again.
I remember that what helped me was to speak to someone who went through the same. Many losses and even when she was in late stages of pregnancy she said she would wake up at night and go to drink ice water from the fridge to make her baby move and know she was alive. It made me feel I was not alone and what I was going through was normal.
I hope it offers you some comfort too. To know you are not alone. Try to get more scans when you can. Take it day by day. Do something nice for yourself every day.
Thank you so much for your understanding. Really good advice in that last paragraph as well. I know you went through so much as well and that you can really relate to what I'm saying. The no pregnancy symptoms really is a trigger for exacerbating my anxiety (although I know I'd be anxious either way) but I appreciate you sharing how it was not a useful indicator for you as it is easy to think you're the only one when so much online talks about ALL the many symptoms being experienced x x
I totally get what you are saying. I spent every day wondering if it was OK. When I had my first BFP I was so excited (and so naive) and the following miscarriage devastated me (it hadn’t even crossed my mind that once pregnant and after a successful viability scan, there was a possibility it would not go full term - I just thought the getting pregnant was the hurdle and I was not on this forum then) and I think once you have had that it’s so hard to enjoy the next BFP and not worry. You pin your hopes on the next milestone, the 6 week scan, 9 week scan, 12 week scan, bump showing, feeling movements etc . Then there is the list of symptoms. I had no cravings, boobs were not sore and many others skipped me. I ended up with twice weekly monitoring at the hospital in the latter stages because of the anxiety. Even on the day of the c-section and during the procedure I feared the worst. Afterwards too. I still worry about SIDS, 6 months is the milestone and I’m sure there will be another after that. After trying so hard for something for 5 years, I don’t think you can ever not be anxious whatever stage you are at. It’s sad because it’s so hard to enjoy it and we deserve to enjoy it.
No-one can tell you it will be fine because there is no way to know. I had a bleed at 16 weeks. Unexplained. It was OK but I’ve read about others having bleeds and it’s not been OK.
I had an amazing therapist who I could talk to about my fears. I’m sure she was fed up of hearing the same thing week after week. As soon as you get your midwife assigned. Talk to them about it. They may be able to send you for extra scans for reassurance and once you can have the ‘CGT’ (I think that’s what they call it) where they can monitor movements etc the midwife might be able to organise regular scans like they did for me. It’s the only way I didn’t drive myself mad worrying.
As for box sets. I have been through most of the i player. It depends what you like but i always found something to lose myself in for a short time and get that respite from the worry.
Please feel free to message me if you want to unload. I think that is what helped the most. Being able to say to someone the same thing over and over again. Especially when they know how hard it has been to get to where you are and why you worry so much.
Wishing you all the best and fingers and toes crossed for you.
Thank you for this kind and understanding message. I really appreciate you sharing your experience and how anxious you were. I'm just finding the not knowing if things are still okay really hard. Because the scan is just a snap shot in time, and personal history has such a huge part to play in creating / exacerbating the anxiety. I know in the first instance I'll get some extra scans from fetal medicine team due to complexities in my history so that one is coming up soon now. X x
Hi lovely I am so pleased to see your viability scan went well and you saw a heartbeat really pleased for you. , I know you would have felt relief in that moment and maybe for a day or two but the anxiety of something going wrong soon creeps back up. unfortunately everything you are feeling are the affects of such a traumatic time you have had over the years, I found that it is so hard to relax and think all will be well when you have been through the deepest pain of losing babies and a long battle of IVF.
It is good that you have discussed your history with the NHS and they will be giving you extra monitoring, I know the early stages of pregnancy are difficult waiting for the initial appointments and scans, I have found that being seen regularly helps me to feel that little bit of reassurance. I won't lie to you and say as time goes by you will feel fine, because in my situation after a late loss, even now at 33 weeks I am so anxious and awake throughout the night panicking that something is wrong. But weekly appointments with my consultant with scans and weekly midwife checks are what is getting me through. I have family telling me all will be fine think positive etc, but they just do not understand that fear.
My consultant has been brilliant and let us see her regularly , so my advice would be when you get assigned to consultant led care take the lead, discuss your history and how anxious you are and that you would feel better with extra monitoring. for now its a case of getting through each week in the pregnancy. Although I have been wracked with fear and anxiety I have found that my pregnancy has gone so quickly. I have even enjoyed parts of it. I am coming uo to the time when we lost our daughter next week so I know it will be even tougher over these next days but I just have to hope all will be well.
Thats all I can say is when you have scans and if all is ok that I try to think "all is well at this time" and try to just think that way. No part of this is easy and it takes the joy and innocence out of pregnancy, even though we are truly grateful to be pregnant the fear does overtake.
I hope you can find some distractions in the meantime. always here if you need to chat. although my advice is not very positive I am sorry about that. Take care lovely wishing you all the best xx
Thank you lovely. You always understand me so well. I know it must be really nerve racking for you also, the fears and feelings run deep and I shall be thinking of you as you pass through the next few days as I know how incredibly anxiety provoking it must be x x
I couldn’t pass your post without responding, as you have been so kind to me in the past.
I had very little early pregnancy symptoms and those I did, came and went within a few days. I was expecting it to kick in at some point in my pregnancy but, they never did. I had a private scan to confirm baby was ok in the early weeks, to stop myself going crazy.
I kept myself distracted with work and other activities such as watching tv shows from my teen years like ‘the oc’ and a tv show people from work were watching, so I had something to watch and discuss. That got me through a number of weeks.
That's a lovely thing to say, thank you That's exactly how it's been for me. Really the only symptom I have had has come and gone and when it goes I just panic. It's just difficult when you look online (I know I shouldn't) and there seems to be suggestions that symptoms are indicative of healthy pregnancy. Makes it really hard for those of us who barely have any or have none to believe a happy ending is coming our way.
Ooh I remember the OC. I may copy and watch something from my younger years, for a bit of nostalgia!! X x
I found a website with a miscarriage risk calculator really helpful. I could enter a few stats (age etc) and it would give me a day by day result. What really stuck in my mind was how that risk went down each day, not just by the week. I would also flip it, so for example a 10% risk of loss was actually a 90% chance of success! It definitely helped changed my mindset. You’ll never get rid of the anxiety but sometimes thinking about it like that can really put it in perspective.
These first weeks are also lonnnnnngggggg. I swear my first trimester went on for a lifetime. It will pick up pace so quickly once you get though this nerve wracking bit I promise! X
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