Still no change after my miscarriage?

[KittyK]

Hi everyone. Sorry again for my dramatic post a few days ago. I'm trying to cope. Does anyone who's been unfortunate enough to have gone through this have any advice? I've been having really bad heartburn, indigestion, hot flushes and constant cramps nearly since my BFP. This week at the scan there was only blood etc in the empty sac but I still haven't bled at all. Not even a little smudge and I've still got the symptoms raging like mad. Should I be worried I haven't had any blood yet? And sorry if this sounds stupid (this is the first and hopefully last time this has happened to me) but if it doesn't...come out will I get an infection or anything? Left a message with the nurse but they haven't called me back shockingly enough >__>

I feel like I can't really accept this and move on til I see blood and start to feel the change? I just want this bit to be over I feel like I'm still waiting.

[Isa84]

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've just been through it myself so I know exactly how you are feeling.

The same thing happened to me where at an early scan they said it was bad news and I would miscarry. I had some bleeding a wk before that but no cramping and it did stop after a few hours.

They told me to wait a week and let it pass and they would see me for a check up after the wk. But I didn't bleed at all and still felt very much pregnant, all the pregnancy symptoms you feel are there because the sac is still there. It's just so cruel because you body doesn't realise the baby is gone I hadn't bled for 10days after they told me I would miscarry and I was terrified everyday waiting for it to happen. It was the worst time I've ever been through and I really thought I would never feel better.

After 10 days I went into hospital for a D&C and I'm very glad I managed it that way. Had the procedure and then I knew everything was gone and my body could start to recover. When I woke up from theatre the pregnancy symptoms were gone, was very sad but for me it was better than waiting and waiting to start to bleed.

It's normal for bleeding not to occur immediately after the pregnancy ceases. I know people who went for a 12 wk scan and their babies had stopped growing at 8 or 9 weeks so it can take some time. If you feel you can't wait you should have to option open to you for 'medical management' where they give you tablets to bring on the bleeding or the option of the D&C. They are all available on the NHS and you have a choice.

I promise you will feel a little better in time, it's just the sadest and most difficult thing to go through. A month on from mine I feel better, not depressed anymore like I was. I still cry and my heart breaks for my little baby I'll never get to meet but once the worst of this is over you will start to feel a little better with time.

Sending you a big hug xx

[KittyK in reply to Isa84]

Thanks for the reply Isa. I appreciate your insight. This is all horrible and new and i have no idea what to expect. The clinic said they would ring me to tell me what to expect but they still haven't done so even after I rang to chase. I know they probably think I need space or whatever but I'd rather know what's going to happen to me. Im completely in the dark and no one's told me anything apart from the bad news and to stop my medication. They haven't mentioned going to hospital or anything I have no idea what to expect. Xxx

[Isa84 in reply to KittyK]

It's a very scary and dark place to be in. Could you ring your local hospital and speak to someone in either Gynae ward or see if they have an 'Early Pregnancy clinic'? I found a lot of help from the Early Pregnancy Clinic, they should give you all the advice and let you know what to expect and let you know your options.

I would def try that if your clinic don't get back to you. You're still entitled to NHS care even if you had treatment at a private clinic. I hope you get to speak to someone soon, it's so hard.

Xxx

[KittyK in reply to Isa84]

Thank you xxx

I will probably ring them tomorrow and if I don't get an answer right away will call the early pregnancy unit thank you xxx

[baby2016]

Oh kittyk, Sending you a huge hug, it is such a roller coaster of emotions and when this happens its heartbreaking. You are suffering with what they class as a missed miscarriage as you have not started miscarrying/bleeding and still have symptoms. I had one at 10wks and was given the option to wait it out or have medical op (d&c) i opted for the op and pushed for it to be asap, as emotionally I knew that was the best option for me as that way I wouldn't see anything and couldn't cope with more emotional pain. I cried going into theatre till I was put under and cried buckets when I came round as knew it was then all over. However my hcg was Zero within a couple of days and my next period came less than 5wks later so knew my body was in its own way 'back to normal' although mentally it took me alot longer. Choose which ever option you feel most comfortable with as its a horrible decision to have to make. I know the feeling of your world feeling amazing one minute and literally turned 180degrees from a few words, and the ripple affect is traumatic. In time you will heal, you will never forget, but you will mentally become stronger. Plan nice things once a month. This was my best coping stratagy and still is now. Thinking of you xx

[KittyK in reply to baby2016]

It's so bad they didn't even mention a hospital op. I admit I was pretty zoned out at the appointment but they didn't even say anything. They took bloods and said they'd ring me later that day to tell me what o do. In the end I had to ring them and they said to stop all medication and someone would call me back to advice what happens to me next but they haven't so they've just left me like this all weekend. Not knowing anything. I know I just sound like a stupid little girl at the moment but I don't even know how much it's going to hurt or how much blood to expect or anything. I feel like I've got more support from people on here than them which is wrong surely? I know I'm being a bit emotional and stuff because of everything that's happening but even if they're trying to be respectful and trying to give me space they shouldn't have left me for three days not knowing what to expect? I dunno...

Thank you for your support anyway you've been very helpful I appreciate it. Dunno what I'd do without some of you guys on here. Did they say if there were any risks by choosing to go the operation way? Xxx

[baby2016 in reply to KittyK]

They prob didn't mention options as they prob didn't want to worry you, as most will start to bleed. Ring them tomorrow and see what they advise.

There is a risk with any op due to the anethestic, of which they have to warn you about. I also had a miscarriage at 7wks, had not had any scans as it was my first pregnancy, woke up to very heavy bleeding and period cramps. After going to the hospital they sent me home telling me to take paracetamol. Later that day I passed what I know was my sack in the shower, size of a satsuma segment is the only way I could describe it. Pain was okish but It broke me seeing it and knowing I couldn't do anything. I was further along with my missed miscarriage and the d&c what I wanted.

Hospitals can be so flippant with miscarriages, however my epu have always been amazing with me, and a couple of them imparticular had amazing empathy. Sadly I know them all quite well now, but I appreciate how they were with me greatly. I hope yours will be just as good with you.

This site is brilliant for support and advice, as we are all travelling in that same boat. I hope our words/advice don't upset you too much, as I know its alot for you to take in, but its best you know all options so you have time to think them all through.

I hope you get some answers tomorrow. If theres anything i've learnt throughout my journey it is that you have to keep pushing for answers, sadly even when your feeling as low as you do, and this one of the hardest things I found. Xx

[KittyK in reply to baby2016]

Thank you for sharing such a difficult time with me I really appreciate it. It must be so hard to talk about. You sound like you've had a hard journey so thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me.

Don't worry I'd rather be prepared you know? The unknown scares me more so I appreciate the insight of all you amazing people.

Xxxx

[Tlove]

Oh gosh, you poor thing being treated like this by the hospital. I am so sorry you're going through this with little or no support from them.

I had a missed miscarriage on my first pregnancy. It was awful - you've built up all these hopes and dreams for the little baby you think you're carrying and then they tell you there's just an empty sac there that stopped developing a few weeks before. Your body may have absorbed some of the tissue already which could be why the sac is empty. But unfortunately you will have to pass the sac somehow before things will begin to normalise. I did this naturally at home and just took sick leave from work and stayed in bed for however long it took. It's distressing to think the tissue basically gets flushed down the toilet but the pain relief is immediate once the sac is passed. It's basically like the worst period pain you could have so if you decide to let nature take its course at home, make sure you have strong painkillers. I had ponstan for period pain anyway so I used this. Paracetamol isn't going to be strong enough. People associate miscarriage with the emotional side of it but there is a very real physical pain as well. My hospital gave me an information leaflet outlining options - allow it to happen naturally, take some pills to encourage things along or have a d&c. With the pills, there is a chance you will retain tissue so you may need a d&c anyway. If you do get a d&c, ask if they can analyse the tissue for chromosomal abnormalities as this may give you some answers about why it happened.

You can only use pads, not tampons once the bleeding starts, otherwise you do risk infection. The reason they will call you back for a scan a week later is to check for retained tissue which again, could cause infection.

It's not an easy decision to make regarding how you handle the next step. On the one hand when you're at home, it's in comfortable surroundings but on the other hand, a d&c may give you answers if they analyse tissue.

It's a cliche but time is the biggest healer for this kind of loss. It's also good to talk things out with your partner and have some good crying sessions. It's really not fair that anyone should have to go through this. x

[KittyK in reply to Tlove]

Thanks hun that gives me an idea of what to expect at least thank you I can't express how much I appreciate it. Im guessing my body still thinks it's pregnant at the moment as I'm not even lightly bleeding so I'll grab something for the pain tomorrow. I'll probably have a few days off too but have to wait for it to happen. I guess it's a waiting game xxx

Thank you again xx

[Tlove in reply to KittyK]

It's a weird feeling, like your body is tricking you into thinking you're still pregnant. The symptoms can remain for a while - I think once the sac is gone you will get relief. I took a week off for my first loss and then 2 weeks for each of my next miscarriages as I felt a week wasn't enough to recover physically and emotionally. As Hollibob has said, just get a sick note from doctor to say it's pregnancy investigations or something. I think that's what my GP put for me. They don't need to know about your IVF at work. Maybe you can talk to your manager in confidence, I found mine to be very supportive. But do make sure you take the time you need, work will manage without you for a while.

[KittyK in reply to Tlove]

The clinic doctor wrote me one but it just says unwell. It says Fertility Clinic at the top of the paper though. I was going to go in tomorrow and I was considering speaking with my manager saying what happened but leaving out the IVf part. But I was going to tell him obviously I've still got the worst to come so if I need to go home suddenly or if I don't come in that will be why. Hopefully that'll be enough. And I was going to take the time off when it starts. I'm in limbo as I don't want to be at work but I don't want to be at home waiting for it and worrying until it happens either. Double edged a sword xxx

Thank you again for your advice sweetheart. Xxxxx

[Tlove in reply to KittyK]

It will get better, I promise. You could contact the miscarriage association for some advice and someone to talk to, it does help.

I think I used the night time towels but you could get a lot of bleeding with clots so will need to change them a lot or you could have an accident. I wonder if the thick maternity maxi pads would be better, not the most comfortable but they're pretty absorbent. Or maybe use 2 towels kind of overlapping each other for extra length and protection. You just don't want to get caught out if you're at work!

[Madcatlady55 in reply to Tlove]

I would also add that if you know someone who has had an mc, you might want to consider having them on hand. I offered this to my boss, but she was ok xx

[Hollibob]

When we experienced our missed miscarriage, the clinic said that they would recommend natural passing as its meant to help your hormones/body settle itself.

The waiting was horrible as I didn't know what to expect and the thought of anything happening at work filled me with dread. In the end I decided to go to my acupuncturist to see if she could help speed things up. I went on the Saturday afternoon and by the evening i started spotting. By the Monday morning the main part of the miscarriage had passed, but it does continue for quite a while.

I'd chase both avenues of advice to work out what will be best for you to deal with X

[KittyK in reply to Hollibob]

Thank you I appreciate it. Work is difficult for me too. They don't know about my treatment and wouldn't be very happy for me to take lots of time off I'll just have to hope it doesn't happen at work and if it does then I guess I'll have to go home? I live about an hour and a half away from work so it just makes it more of a worry. Just want it over but the idea of an op scares me so I will probably wait it out and hope it passes soon. Thank you for your insight and advice xxx

[Hollibob in reply to KittyK]

You have to think about you at this time though. If you need time off then take it. With the way my days off worked, I think I took 2/3 days off sick and marked it as pregnancy related. I did tell my bosses and it was strange going into work where it felt like I was living a double life as no one knew anything had happened....

[KittyK in reply to Hollibob]

I'm not sure how long it can take to start. I'll have to chase the clinic tomorrow as they never called me back but I've read that some people can take afew weeks? I'll probably go into work until it starts to happen then take time off and just pray it doesn't happen when I'm there ill try to think about me I promise thank you xxx

this sounds gross but can a night time weight sanatry towel be used or will I need something more? Thanks again I appreciate all you ladies talking about such a difficult time with me. Xxx

[Hollibob in reply to KittyK]

We were told at 9+5 weeks that there was no heartbeat, but it wasn't confirmed as fully complete until 12+5 weeks.

I was worried about the same thing. I read somewhere that people ironically used maternity pads as it can be mixed bleeding/clots. I think most people cope with heavy flow pads.

Have some painkillers to hand and someone should be around incase you don't feel great...

[KittyK in reply to Hollibob]

Thank you hunny. I'll pop to the shop tomorrow while my body is still feeling not too bad so I'm prepared. Thank you xxx

[Daisy14]

Hello, again I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

While I underwent the natural process I found a hot water bottle and codeine to be essential plus the hospital have me a kind of plastic sheet for the night time in case but I never needed to use it fully, despite heavy bleeds.

The treatment of you sounds shocking and is it worth getting someone else in the middle? I was admitted in to hospital and DH rang my Mum. She is quite bossy (!) and came along and totally fought my corner and wrote things down for me. I was in another place emotionally and DH was in shock. My normal self would be mortified at her intrusion and bossiness to staff, but it was exactly what was needed with hindsight. Is there someone you can call on?

Make a fuss where you need to, sadly our bodies know what to do but if anything feels wrong don't be afraid to kick off.

The miscarriage association have forums and advice lines and their website had lots of info and stories of other women including those who have had fertility treatment. They honestly saved me in November.

Lots of support here, look after yourself xxx

[KittyK in reply to Daisy14]

Thanks Daisy. I think I find it hard to kick off at the clinic as some of them are lovely and also I know I have to go back there for my FET. I'm going to ring them tomorrow though as they haven't emailed me back or rung me back and I'll probably have an emotional breakdown on them if they don't help me >___< so an emotional woman will be their punishment if they don't. Thank you my dear. I'll think I'll try for the natural process and see how we go. Hopefully it comes sooner rather than later so we can move past it. I think still feeling pregnant is the worst part of the waiting game xxx

[Daisy14 in reply to KittyK]

It's horrible and utterly unfair. Sending you a hug and wishing you well xx

[baby2016]

Maybe you should confide in your boss, as you really won't want to be in work this week. I decided to confide in my boss who is a male younger than me. At first I felt uneasy about it but he has been amazing. I've had 2 miscarriages since being in this particular job and he's let me have as much time off as I needed. He also knew about my ivf and was fantastic. It has really helped ease my stress knowing he knows. I don't know your work situation, however you could be surprised at how supportive they'll be xx

[NicoleLoGrande]

I'm really sorry this happened. I had a miscarriage in October and I'm still mentally hurting. It just sucks. I had a d&C I spotted didn't even bleed the way they told you it would happen. I wish you the best and hope you get answers soon.

[alexstewart123]

I am very sorry to hear your loss. I would suggest you be patient. Such unfortunate events are part of life. There are many like you who are facing traumas. I myself got pregnant early after my marriage. After few weeks I have diagnosed a chromosomal disorder. This is a translocational disorder. I had a miscarriage after few weeks. I was completely shattered. I was feeling so helpless. Doctors further said me that I can not deliver a normal healthy baby. My husband is willing for adoption. He is further willing for surrogacy. He has found out a clinic in Ukraine for this purpose. He is very hopeful. I wish everything go well and we can have our baby. I wish well for all others also who want to have their babies.

[alexstewart123]

Hi, I am very upset about your loss. Can you please tell me how much time has passed after your miscarriage. I would tell you my aunt's case here. In her third trimester, she was not feeling baby moves. And in this situation around a week passed. She felt severe pain on the eighth day. She was rushed to the hospital. There she came to know that the baby has gone long ago. Afterwards, she was treated and was safe and sound. So it happens and there is nothing to worry. You should consult your doctor. I am very lazy in discussing my issues but now I am a bit changed. I am discussing my issues at a hospital. they are very compassionate and guides me well. I have found that clinic best by far. I think it is more important for a doctor to understand the problem of the patient.