Holding it in

[BrunetteGinger]

My 4year old has been completely potty trained since she was around 2 years old. For the last year or so we have noticed she is spending all her time and energy trying to hold it in and would refuse to go to the toilet. She gets to the point where she's stood by the toilet crying out cause she has left it to late to sit on it. When we ask if she needs a wee she says she doesn't, but we can tell she does as she shows the classic signs.

We have tried sticker charts, bribery, physically taking her to the toilet, encouraging her to go with us, making it into a game or a race to get there first but she just refuses.

Has anyone else had a similar problem or any other ideas on what we could do?

[Yaleamanda]

What are you currently giving to help her go?

[BrunetteGinger in reply to Yaleamanda]

She doesn't have anything. She doesn't need anything to go she just holds it in

[Yaleamanda in reply to BrunetteGinger]

She does to stop her holding it in, she needs to be on both a stool softener and stimulant laxative before she becomes completely impacted.

[BrunetteGinger in reply to Yaleamanda]

It's not poop that she's holding in really it's more her wee

[Wishingforcleanpants]

Is it just wees or poos as well? Regular toilet tries straight after meals/before a trip out and before bed with immediate reward. Increase fluid intake to 6-8 cups a day. Attention to diet as constipation sounds likely from what you’ve posted and consideration of laxido +/- disimpaction regime from GP. Feel your pain my 6yo was quite similar and will still hold if she’s busy playing etc and doesn’t want to go…

[BrunetteGinger in reply to Wishingforcleanpants]

It's mainly urine she's holding in. Just refuses to sit on the toilet. She drinks plenty and we have down reward charts but that novelty wears off quickly. We are starting to implement going to the toilet before meal times

[Wishingforcleanpants in reply to BrunetteGinger]

So the continence nurse told me that kids mostly hold in wee because they are also holding in poo. When they relax to let the wee out it means they might let pop out as well so definitely worth treating for constipation even if apparently pooing as kids can be quite backed up while still poooing in the toilet

[Sarahox in reply to Wishingforcleanpants]

This.

Wee continence improved dramatically once the poos were sorted.

It’s hard to spot stool withholding - my 3 year old was pooing everyday so it didn’t seem like there was a problem. But you could spot when he needed a poo by the fact he’d have a wee accident.

If he didn’t need a poo, he’d wee on the toilet no problem.

Since starting on the laxatives, we have no wee accidents

[Suzeeoo]

My daughter is 10 now and has had this issue also. She has kidney disease which exacerbates things. Recently I have changed tact as like yourself I tried everything from fairy lights around the loo, sticker charts etc. My daughter has said that she holds at times as it is painful to go. I have had talks with her to explain that although it may hurt at the time it passes and goes, however if she holds it makes things worse in the end although initially there is a pay off of no pain.

I am giving her senna under doctors prescription to try to get a regular pattern to her toileting. So now, whenever I see her holding, straight away I say to her to go to the toilet and she can take whatever she is doing with her (except food). If its TV I offer her an extra 15 minutes TV for making the decision to sit on the toilet for at least 2 minutes ...anything to get her sitting on the toilet. So if she is reading she can sit and read on the loo and even take her tablet...all these can be wiped down. I know its not ideal, but at the moment it is definitely helping. Not 100%, but a marked difference from anything else we have tried.

The key has been a combo of senna as that makes her need to go and catching her holding. If she refuses to go then everything stops for 15 minutes. It still happens occasionally, but she makes the decision to go herself most of the time. I also give her an immediate reward if she does go or tries, usually extra time on what she is doing at that moment or a time token so she can use it at a later date for something she wants like craft, playing out or a game. It's so hard and I know you worry but keep trying . Good luck.

[Suzeeoo]

Also I meant to add that initially we thought my daughter was holding due to behaviour and after many years we found that she had issues with her kidneys. I would just get your child checked for uti's smd constipation just to rule anything out.

[14crosstitch14]

Try a toy, make it fun, the fidget toys work. Or have her go with you as a routine, we don't have a car, so its 1st thing to do before we all go out. Toilet its a routine kids 1st then adults then kids again 1s dressed and shoes on.