Hi all. I’m new here so bear with me. It’s a long one...
My son is 7 and we still haven’t tackled day or bedtime wetting. For nighttime he has been prescribed Desmopressin which has helped, plus we have a bed wetting alarm. To be honest, being a boy, his winky often misses the sensor!
Our main problem is during the day. He’s in year 2 and I honestly thought we’d have cracked it by now. He’s on Oxybutin which I thought was helping but we’re going backwards again. The last 2 weeks of lockdown before he went back to school, he was doing brilliantly. We got him a water bottle with times on to make sure he’s regularly drinking and he was happily taking himself to the toilet. First week back at school, he was dry all week except one wet patch. Since then he’s been soaked every day. We got him a watch so we can set times throughout the day, but I worry he loses the sense of when he needs the wee and it’s not strengthening his bladder. Another problem he had was we found he ignored the alarms and still came home soaked.
Each day I pick him up, he tells us he’s taken himself to the toilet, checked himself and he’s been dry. He’s so blatantly lying and I don’t know what else to do. I know he’s only a child, but he knows better than to lie to us, so why does he do it?
I’d really appreciate any advice anyone can offer. Please help
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MrsJif
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HiMy 9 year old still isn't going through the night. He's had chronic constipation so has only recently been dry during the day. He lost the feeling due to the blockage.
Has the GP checked him out? Have you spoken to ERIC? Do you have a local Paediatric Continence Nurse you could talk to?
Our children still lie now and they're 9 and 13. We've had a lot of problems with both of them since 2014. We've been stressed, angry, frustrated and we're now through the other side and beyond emotionally anyway. It's been extremely hard.
Have you tried rewards for dry pants - something he really loves to kind of encourage him? Have you spoken to the school? Could they remind him to go on the QT?
Could he be dry until he leaves school and wees on the way home? Just trying to think of reasons for you as I know how you feel?
Thank you. I know we’re not alone in this, but it’s nice to hear from someone that’s been through it. We’ve been through all the emotions and feel like we’ve tried everything. I feel like a broken woman.
We’ve tried rewarding with all sorts which he gets excited about, but then it goes out the window!
We’ve spoken with the school a few times and it’s always the same - it gets better for a week or so, and then downhill again. I’m certain he’s not constipated, but is certainly less regular when he doesn’t drink as much.
He claims he goes to the toilet before being picked up from school, then goes about 30-45 minutes later when he gets to the childminder, and then again about an hour later. He’s literally soaked through to his trousers so it’s clear he’s lied somewhere down the line.
It’s hard not knowing when he’s going to the toilet.
My son’s teacher is pregnant so is ‘virtually’ teaching from home. There are TAs in the classroom but it’s not a burden I want to put on them.
We’ve started punishing for the lying e.g. no technology, but it’s heartbreaking. I pick him up after a long day and it’s the same conversation/tears everyday.
It’s almost the Easter holidays so I’m really hoping we can get back on track again.
He’s such bright boy, one of the top in the class, so I just don’t understand how we can’t grasp this.
The specialist wanted an update 3 months after starting the new medication, so perhaps they’ll suggest something else. I haven’t spoken to ERIC yet, but I may do.
Hi, similar issues with our 6.5 year old, but we turned a corner when our health professional basically gave up helping, and I came here (long story) we were literally at wits end. He was also (still is a bit) funny about going to the toilet by himself this started when he started school just to add to everything else!I poured my heart out to his new teacher and the school have now been fantastic, he originally started with a toilet buddy who went with him at his set times that his teacher quietly told him and I had his watch buzz at the same time as he too will happily ignore it! And I worried he would not know to go in between the buzzer if he needed to go but went with it,( we take it off at weekends and use an alarm on our phone so he can try to independently go, also I don’t know if it’s related and I know you aren’t meant to do this but we have started lifting him at night time, and when he wakes in the morning dry it just sets his day up so well as he feels proud of himself, so since doing this we’ve had 3-4 weeks of dry pants, their have been a few damp occasions generally when the constipation hits bad. But the mood in the house is so lifted now he’s like a different little boy. And I know some of that is from us not getting cross also and just dealing with accidents calmly, as it all just use to blow up! I keep in mind this could come crashing down at any time but we still just keep praising! A month ago I was completely broken and felt we were the only family suffering and I think realising we weren’t actually helped loads x
I can relate to all of you reading these posts. My little boy is 8, he’s intelligent, outgoing etc. so couldn’t rationalise why he still soils himself sometimes up to 5 or 6 times a day ( I know the problem is different to yours) but it’s so nice to hear that I’m not the only one at my wits end. I had a bit of a breakdown during the Feb half term and now I feel like I’ve turned a corner. Sometimes I think you have to hit rock bottom in order to see things more clearly. I feel like I’ve accepted that he isn’t going to get better next week, next month, maybe even next year, but that we have to do our best to manage the situation and stay calm and positive for him and for our own sanity! We’ve just finished another disimpaction regime and have an appointment with the hospital next month. He was doing great and then this last week or so he’s slipped back 😫, but I’m determined not to let it get me down ! You are all doing a brilliant job for your little ones xxx
Have you tried to find the Movicol Mummies group on Facebook? There's over 7,500 members in the group.
I felt very alone and like we were the only family going through this for a long time. I was very relieved to find this forum and the Movicol Mummies group on Facebook. It made our situation a little better knowing we weren't the only family going through toileting issues and also had somewhere to rant when we were fustrated.
Constipation is a very common issue but can be stressful, frustrating and emotional when it affects your children. There's not a lot of professional support out there and it's not a condition that just goes away within a few weeks.
We've been going through this since 2014 but we're now seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel. You can overcome this but I completely understand where you're all coming from.
Try the Movicol Mummies group on Facebook. Really friendly group and full of useful information.
I've been where you are and it will get better. - it will. Even now when I feel angry the old feelings all come flooding back.
He should still continue to drink to make his bladder work properly. We were told that not drinking doesn't help the situation.
I would ask the TAs at school to help you. I know you don't want to burden them but they may be able to give you answers such as when he last went to the toilet and if he's going to the toilet. Perhaps they could keep a toilet diary for you with his help.
My youngest is now 9 and YR R for us was a complete nightmare. He would come home with dirty clothes every day and the school asked us to get him seen. We tried so hard to sort it by ourselves. That's when we were seen by a Paediatrician. He kept my son on Senna for over two years with no Movicol to clear him out. Back then we didn't know much but knowledge comes with experience. In August 2018 we discharged our son from the Paediatrician and have never looked back. He was completely useless and was no help at all.
My son is now on Oxybutinin and has been for about 3 months. After the chronic constipation and the fact it wasn't dealt with properly - he's been left with an overactive bladder.
I would speak to ERIC to see what they say as they are full of useful information and very helpful.
Hello - there are so many of us here in the same situation!
On the lying, it may be that he just really wants to tell you that he’s been dry as he can see how much it means to you. Heartbreaking, I know, but I was there a few months ago too!! This was my approach ... Start from the point that he really can’t help what is happening - he can’t - and make it really clear to him that ‘I know it’s not you, it’s your naughty bladder and I promise I won’t be cross if you have an accident’. This is so hard but try your best to follow it through, repeat it often and when you do get cross be clear you are not cross with him, you are cross with his bladder. Then, sit down and make a plan together for how you can deal with the bladder’s naughtiness. My little girl totally surprised me when we did this and asked for some spares to be kept in the school toilets cupboard so she could get changed without her friends knowing. She will still lie sometimes (usually when I have asked her to go five minutes before but she doesn’t and - guess what - accident!) but I am always very clear I am cross because I had asked her and because she didn’t listen, the bladder got to be naughty.
Hope that makes sense and please know I am not judging - this is so hard. One thing is that this approach is so much better for everyone’s sanity. I can be calmer now and she doesn’t feel I am telling her off for something she can’t control. Xxx
Just another one to say I feel your pain and you are not alone! My nearly 11 year old is still struggling with day and night time wetting (we've given up on the night time for now). We go in cycles of being super supportive, then patient and tolerant and then absolutely exasperated and shouting It is exhausting for the whole family. He often pretends all is fine and now he's older he also tries to hide the evidence at the end of the day. What I would say (given my son is 10 and able to talk it through more maturely than he was at 7) is that if he is lying, it's probably through shame and denial rather than anything more deliberately 'naughty'. We've had a few conversations where I've told him all I want is for him to drink when he's asked, go to the loo as soon as he needs it and to tell me if and when he has an accident on the promise that I will never get angry with him if he has wet himself as long as he tells me. And I stick to that, and when he has lied (which is usually when I get cross and upset) I repeat the message that he has to trust me that we will fix this together but that we need to work as a team and that means him being totally honest with me. That is helping, gradually. Also worth flagging that my son recently admitted that for years he's been scared of the school loos (despite me asking that repeatedly since Reception and him denying it!) so with hindsight I should have been much more pushy with school about giving him access to an adult or disabled loo, in case that helped. My son said the noise of the kids outside the cubicles made him panic and not empty his bladder properly. I also wish I'd been much firmer with his teachers about giving him free access to the loo at all times, no questions asked because some were very understanding and others were a bit eye-rolly about it. Hang in there, it's very hard but he's still young and you're doing all the right things to help him xx
I have similar and he lies about poo. He just turned 8, 2 days ago. We've seen many specialists and 2nd time with psychologist. Just diagnosed ADHD as well. My husband gets so mad when he lies. It's like, we can smell it! We're in the US, so medicine names are different, but takes something daily for constipation and should not be backed up. He does ok at school, but sometimes has accidents. The teacher has been very good to send him regularly. I worry so much about future bullying. Will it ever end?
I messaged his teacher and TA last night and they’re going to monitor him for me whilst he’s at school. He did better today, but was still wet. It was hot today so he drank a lot more which is good, we just need to crack on training his bladder. We just need to get through the next couple of days at school and then we’ve got 2 weeks to try and work on it. I don’t expect it to work miracles, but at least we can monitor him. I don’t think he’s constipated, but does sometimes have poo marks in his boxers.
I think we’re going to have to revert back to the watch with the alarms if he doesn’t improve. I think I’m going to contact ERIC and see what they suggest. If things still don’t improve, I’ll contact the specialist to see if we can bring his appointment forward. He’s had 2 bladder scans and they both came back normal.
I just feel lost, broken and have no control. The lying is breaking my heart. I hate feeling that I don’t trust my own child is telling the truth 😔
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