4 year old wetting - any suggestions?

[STEBS]

My 4 year old daughter has been potty trained for over 2 years, but she still regularly 'leaks' urine. By regularly I mean multiple times a day. She never has a proper accident, just wet patches on her clothes. I'm convinced that it is not behavioural - she's a very bright, happy and otherwise totally normal child. We haven't seen any improvement using behaviour charts or motivation, they just make her stressed and upset that she can't do it. She's been tested for cystitis, checked by a gp today who felt for her bladder, kidneys and lack of sensation. She has normal bowel movements and has never suffered from constipation. We have been referred to the community health team, but I doubt that's going to come through quickly. If really like some answers on this as is just not normal. I'm happy to pay to go privately but just don't know who to approach and what she might need. Anyone has a similar experience? Could you suggest who to see about this and what we should be pushing for? It's like she has the pelvic floor of an 80 year old woman who's birthed 8 children not a 4 year old!!

[StellaA]

Is there any pattern to her leakage, does it happen when she is particularly active, when she laughs or sneezes, that would indicate stress incontinence.If they happen right before she needs to go to the toilet that would be urge or overflow.

Knowing when her leaks happen are key to finding out why her bladder is misbehaving.

If she gets upset by being wet getting her some small pads, like tena discreet mini, for in her knickers will make it less stressful for her, and avoid embarrassing wet patches.

[LWilson182]

Hey! Not a solution but my son is the exact same, he’s 4 years old been potty trained for 2 years and will not go for a wee until I tell him too, if i ask if he needs a wee his answer is always no, if I just leave him he’ll just wet himself, he constantly has little wet patches on his pants, I was starting to wonder if he can feel the need to go at all ie sensation or if he’s just not relating the signals of needing to go to actually going.

Ive just been keeping my eye on the clock and take him every few hours but yeah I’m wondering how long it will go on for, surely he cannot rely on me forever.. he goes to nursery and there is always wet patch’s in his pants so he must hold it in all day, he is completely unfazed by wetting himself, hates sticker chart ect! I would also pay to go see someone but have no idea where to start or who to see..

I’m glad ive seen your post though! It would be great if anyone had any information on where to go.. xx

[BoomerFF in reply to LWilson182]

My son is exactly the same. He toilet trained himself just before he was two as he copied everything his older sister did. Now he constantly gets wet patches everyday. I’m finding it so frustrating as I know he can be dry. I feel even worse as I’m a preschool manager and have dealt with many situations like this, but can not get my son to crack toileting. I’ve tried everything in my arsenal, sticker charts, incentives and the like, and consulted with, doctors, health visitors and ERIC. We even tried the reminder watches but he just ignored it and turned off the alarm. My son is extremely stubborn and fights me every time I ask him to go to the loo, during these battles he’s hopping around trying to hold his wee in and inevitably gets a patch in his pants. A lot of the children at the preschool have noticed that he wees his pants and have started to comment and call him wee wee boy. (Obviously I have addressed this behaviour from others) it’s started to upset him but it doesn’t make any difference to his attitude towards going to the loo. I’m so exhausted with this constant battle and don’t know where to go from here, so if there are any pearls of wisdom I’d welcome them too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with this situation. But I’m starting to get worried with him going off to school and him still having these accidents because of his stubbornness and fear of missing out on things. Thanks for reading my frustrations. X

[StellaA in reply to BoomerFF]

Hi, how did you deal with the name calling? would be interested to know how you manage it from and educators stand point.

My granddaughter has only recently opened up to me about some of the horrid names the other children have for her.

They aren't as innocent as wee wee boy, Smelly Sophie, Shi**y Sophie, nappy knickers, etc, I'm sure there are worse ones she won't tell me.

Sophie struggles to control her emotions she has already been sent home numerous times because of 'behavioural incidents' where she has lashed out at other children that have upset her.

For some context she is 11, fully urinary incontinent with limited bowel control, and attends a small mainstream catholic school.

This should have been her last year before starting highschool but it's likely she will be repeating this year.

[BoomerFF in reply to StellaA]

Apologies for the delay in replying. Bit hectic my end. So sorry that your granddaughter is going through this. Kids can be so cruel. 4yr olds are obviously very different from 11yr olds. I would be contacting the school to see if they are aware of the behaviour that is being directed at your granddaughter. If they aren’t, make them aware and the negative impact it is having. This is first and foremost bullying and they should have zero tolerance on it. If we have a child that has certain difficulties that could cause adverse behaviour to be directed at them, we have a chat with the children while said child is not there. Makes the other class members to be aware and to help them understand, thus trying to avoid the child from being bullied. If the class has any questions they can be answered then.

If she is struggling to control her emotions, has the school approached you/parents with her having an ELSA (emotional learning support assistant) they can help in all sorts of ways, especially with her mental health that all these issues will bring.

Unfortunately some schools are not equipped to help children like your granddaughter and will just send them home before trying to help them. I would request a meeting with the her teacher and the head to form a plan around Sophie.

[Redstar1 in reply to BoomerFF]

BoomerFF & LWilson-I could have written this post! My son is 4, constant wet patches and will not give in when it comes to leaving things to go to toilet, nursery are baffled as some days he is dry others he has 3/4 accidents! At home we take him if we see him squirming and he won’t admit it.... constant battle 🙈 tried ignoring, reward charts, alarms and still no further forward after 2 years. How are your kids doing? Any tips that are working for you? TIA