Soon to be 4 and in nappy

Hi I've posted a few times about my daughter who is 4 in September not being potty trained and us putting her back in nappies full time. She has been in nappies now for nearly 2 months and life has been so much better, I was initially embaressed what others would think as she is big for her age but in fairness I gave up caring what others thought. She is slightly delayed emotionally and still holds on to some of her toddler comforts like her dummy and night bottle and up until last week she didn't mind wearing the nappy. However she has started to become more vocal about wearing a nappy as apparently nappies are for babies! So we tried 2 days of no day nappy and knickers and it was a disaster, she got through ever pair of knickers she owns and has no concept of when she needs to go to the toilet. If I tried to put her on the potty or toilets she went in to meltdown. Day 3 I put her back in to a nappy, my problem is she pleads not to wear one and I feel guilty putting it on her but she isn't ready, we've had conversation after conversation and she knows that she should be going on the potty but can't seem to do it. The hardest part is changing her if out and looking like a lazy parent putting their daughter who is clearly asking not to wear a nappy in one and seeing the glares I get!

Sorry for the long post but what I'm probably looking for is some reassurance that I'm not being a bad lazy parent and that as the adult I am making the right decision for her. In an ideal world I would bin everything baby realated, bottles dummy and nappies but she simply isn't ready.

[kate_kfj]

That sounds so hard. My daughter could only get the hang on potty training when she didn't have anything on her bottom half - it seems that it was too much like wearing a nappy. We had to really help her, she was bare, and for a few days we had to watch for signs of her squatting and push a potty under her and narrate what was happening (e.g. "you're having a wee on the potty, can you feel it? That's great" type comments). After a few weeks her years long issue seemed better. She just didn't seem to have twigged what we were talking about, she didn't have the words.

[Hidden in reply to kate_kfj]

if you don't mind me asking how old was your daughter when it finally clicked? I feel we have missed the potty training boat and she is going to be in nappies forever!

[AndrewT]

Dear Frustrated2018,

One of my Sisters Children, was almost five, when he was finally 'Potty Trained'. Are you making her feel that Nappies are 'For Babies'? Think about that, very carefully, every time you say, something like, 'Only babies wear nappies', 'You should be out of nappies by now', 'All your friends are out of nappies', or worse 'You should be using a potty, at your age'. Imagine how that makes your poor, clearly not ready, child feel. Maybe you could try 'Potty Pants' or 'Pull Ups', they seem more like BIG Pants. (My thinking here is, you could maybe, make a Distinction between 'Nappies'- for Babies- and 'Pants'- for Big Children.)

My sisters child Lucy, didn't mind asking, for a nappy to Poo in- she weed, in a potty/toilet most of the time. Maybe worth a try? This IS only a suggestion, feel free to 'Adapt', this idea and good luck.

Warmest wishes, to you both.

AndrewT

[Hidden in reply to AndrewT]

Thanks for the reply, I never embaress her or shame her about wearing a nappy as its mainly me that wants her to wear it hence why I feel guilty putting it on her when she doesn't want to. Pullups don't work fo us as she is a heavy wetter and they leak or give her terrible rashes. In many ways she try's to hold on to her baby/toddler years with her dummy/bottle and until recently her nappy so I don't think she would actually care if I did accidentally call her a baby..

[Hidden]

You know you child better than any one else - don’t feel embarrassed and you know what if she is not ready then she is not ready - we don’t all develop the same.

[Alison000]

Hiya, just read your post and wondered if you need to get your daughter happy to sit on potty or toilet before you remove the nappies. Otherwise if she won't even sit on a potty there's no way it will work. Perhaps she could sit on with a nappy initially or you could use some role play using a doll to show her....dolly can sit on the potty now you try!? I'm sure you are already but trying a reward to sit on the potty for a short time such as a sticker or lots of praise is often well received. Sorry if you already did this I just wasn't sure.