Feelings of guilt 😔

[Gothchic]

I feel so guilty I really hate how unpredictable this illness is, I work night shift so I woke up at 5pm after working last night to go to work tonight but I started to feel so awful, having pain flare up In my hips and back and I feel so sick, I tried to go but I had to go straight back home. I hate to be off work and very rarely am off but I could see the look of disappointment on my colleagues faces but as you all know the pain really can come unexpectedly. I also have anxiety and I’m so worried about being sacked which I know probably sounds silly but I really do feel they hate me because I let them down.

Anyway I just needed to let out my feelings to people that I know would understand. Xx

[Sleepy_Leopard]

I feel exactly the same, I’ve had to call in sick to my part time job for 2 weeks in a row and had a week off sixth form due to laparoscopy. I hate it so much, I want to be able to carry on and not have to constantly question if I am well enough to go. Then I feel guilty for not going! I feel like I am constantly letting people down or being an inconvenience. It’s really hard, I completely understand. I try to think it’s my illness’ fault not mine and I am not my illness. But being honest with you, it’s very hard almost impossible to keep that mindset! Sending love xxx

[Gothchic in reply to Sleepy_Leopard]

It really is hard to balance life and a chronic illness, I do like that you try to separate the illness and you, I think i should do this as it might help with the feelings of guilt. Take care xxx

[A5555]

Have you had a private chat with your boss or manager about your endo and how it can impact you very suddenly? As Long as your employer understands, your colleagues should follow suit. If you’ve never had a warning about your attendance please don’t worry too much. They won’t hate you especially if they know you have a chronic illness that you cannot help and you try your best when you’re there x Stress can also make the situation worse for you so definitely listen to your body xx

[Gothchic in reply to A5555]

My boss does know, but I still feel that I’m not taken seriously by some people at work and that i’m exaggerating the pain, I think maybe your right though and I should have another private chat and really try to explain how bad endo can be. I’m on a waiting list for surgery with a specialist to remove my nodules and I’m hoping it won’t be to long and that the surgery will relieve me of the pain. I know realistically I won’t be sacked it just affects my anxiety when I’m in pain which like you said makes things worse.

Thank you for the kind words and advice x

[A5555 in reply to Gothchic]

Maybe another chat with them may help with your anxiety surrounding the situation as it may help to get things off your chest x and hopefully the surgery will help. People often take you more serious when they find out you need an invasive surgery to help with your issues too so hopefully that will put it into perspective for them

[MalachiteAli]

I feel exactly the same. I have been off quite a bit and have only been doing my job for just over 6 months. When I told my boss about endo she said I "should have declared it during the interview", but that's not true. I put it on the occupational health form. I'm pretty sure my pain flares are linked to work stress. I can't imagine working night shifts, it must impact your health. As an OT I advise people about their routine and sleep patterns. I normally can't sleep in the day and have difficulty getting to sleep at night, but right now I'm sleeping so much. I have shingles as well as endo pain rn. I feel guilt both for my teammates, my manager, my service and my patients. I'm not sure I will be able to continue to doy my work and that makes me sad too as I am professionally qualified and want to make a difference.

[Gothchic in reply to MalachiteAli]

I sorry to hear to are going through so much at the moment, I hope you can find a way to stay in your job it sounds like you are really committed to what you do.For me working nights is so normal as I have been doing it for 15 years so a lot longer than I have had endo pain (4 years), I do think sometimes maybe days would be better but honestly I think it would be so hard to get used to the change. I work in care and I find I can have a bit more time to have a break and it’s less physically demanding as days.

Yes I also think pain flare up can sometimes be related to stress.

Take care xx