(TW// Sexual assult) Has anyone experienced SA with a partner that knew certain sex acts would be painful for you? Safe space for all!!

[ArtyPal]

(TW// in this post I'm going to mention in mild detail some SA scenarios where someone disregarded my endo pains during sex throughout our relationship - please don't read on if it's too heavy for you xx)

I've been working through the unpacking of SA and trauma and realised that though I have people to talk to about the SA aspect, I've never seen it talked about within the endo community and worried that people may be going through the same thing and that it's just not spoken about freely so I thought I'd maybe share my story and open up a safe space. It's frustrating enough unpacking something months down the line, but it's even moreso frustrating for me that it's worsened my already iffy relationship with how my body works (or doesn't work rather)

To cut a shit and long story short, I was in a long term relationship with someone and for the 3 and a half years we were together, I spent most of it going to doctors and spending the remaining 1/1.5 years finally seeing specialists about possible endo. He knew about all of this

(There were other cases and things that happened but aren't related to the endo issue and would be too trauma dumpy)

The whole time for me, sex would hurt at times, but there were particular actions that'd cause more pain and issues than others. For example, I couldn't go on top without essentially having a period for the next week (pains and all), and another thing was that ((so sorry for the tmi)) if he were to go down on me and I'd ~arrive~, penetrative sex afterwards would be excruciating to the point where I'd actually be audibly in pain.

I'm vocal and it was known throughout the relationship what hurt, but it was really in the last year where I'd explicitly say "don't do x because it's agony" and he'd still do it, or make me do it.

It took a while and a few conversations after breaking up this year to actually realise the unfair and traumatic dynamic going on, but what's most frustrating is that as much as I'm working through it, it's concerning thinking about future sexual partners and what if they disregard my health issues just in order to get off how they want?

It's something I'm actively working through, but it made me realise that while the sex pain aspect of endo is mentioned, I wondered if there were others going through similar things and that it's just something nobody talks about? If you have been through similar, and haven't felt like there was a safe space to talk about it and be understood by someone who has the same pains and struggles, I think there's a chat function on here and you're absolutely more than welcome to talk about it with me.

Endo is already isolating enough, but this has made things feel lonelier and I don't know, I guess I just wanted to make sure nobody else felt that way

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it comes across okay, and if you're experiencing the same thing at the moment, you'll get through this too xx

[Cailleach]

So sorry you have experienced this, and I hope you have somewhere safe yourself to reflect on what has happened. Xx

[ArtyPal in reply to Cailleach]

Thank you lovely, I'm in a safer space now and have been working through it a lot recently, definitely slowly on the mend xxx

[plotments]

What a horrible experience you've had. So glad your in a better place now and hopefully you have the support you need to get through this.

Unfortunately you were with someone who was very selfish and obviously not the one. Don't let this experience hold you back in the future from trusting another man or having the relationship you deserve. There are some wonderful partners out there who are more than understanding and supportive about our condition.

[ArtyPal in reply to plotments]

Thank you for the really kind and encouraging words, I'm definitely better than I was! Really hoping I find someone down the line that respects the things that come with me and the body I have because of this condition.

I think back when I wrote this, I was not only frustrated and hurt by what had happened but probably still battling the feeling of frustration towards my own body and some limitations I have but that's totally not my fault or my body's fault, it's purely and entirely his fault!

Just focusing on what works best for me in every way, my wee endo body deserves all the hype and once I'm ready to get back out there and trust people around me, I'll definitely be sussing them out way better this time!

Definitely onwards and upwards xx