Am I expecting to much

[Clizzy]

I had my surgery back home in a different state away from my partner. Unfortunately due to his work and lack of flexibility he could not fly down with me. The day before my surgery he went out with his coworkers and got drunk and called me at midnight to talk… I was a bit annoyed but I told myself that I can’t expect his life to stop just because mine is currently limited however I couldn’t help but to feel a bit disappointed. I moved forward had the procedure and a few days after recovering we were FaceTimeing and he became frustrated and mad at me because he thought I had an attitude with him. I had to then explain to him that I was in a lot of pain and I thought it was a bit insensitive of him due to my circumstances for starting this fight. He then apologized and said that he had completely forgot that I had the surgery. Now that completely blew my mind and really made me feel alone. A week later I was able to fly home and be reunited with him. Within a day I was asking him for help with some thing and he was making it such a big deal… later on that night I expressed to him how I was feeling. That I understand he has never had surgery before nor endometriosis and because it had only been seven days I didn’t think it necessary to remind him that I was still in pain but I told him that I am in pain and I really need him to not be so combative when I ask him for help that I’m really just trying to get through this. He was receptive and you can tell he felt bad so I move forward. A day later he help me with a few things around the house and everything was going fine I wasn’t feeling well so I went to lay down and he went to go hang with a friend. He came back a bit intoxicated I wasn’t surprised. Later that night I was feeling really bad I was vomiting and I asked I tried to wake him up he wouldn’t wake up (hard sleeper) then he told me to leave him alone so I went into the restroom and I slept there. He found me this morning in the restroom and was completely surprised. I was a bit annoyed and got up and just went straight to the bed… later on I called him and communicated that how I was feeling and that I was feeling alone in this process but for some reason he could not receive how I was feeling and took it as a direct complaint upon him and that somehow he is at fault for my pain. I tried to explain that what I’m looking for is empathy and support… I just wanted to ask the board has anyone gone through similar things is it just my spouse or has anyone else dealt with this?

[AllthatGlitters]

Hi no you are not asking for too much at all, it’s not all about the good times but the bad times too in a relationship.Sounds like you get very little support which is really sad, you must feel alone and frustrated.

If it were me I would lay down the law and tell my partner I expect you to have some consideration for me, help me when I am in need and remember when I am having an operation.

Are you married? (If not I would seriously consider my relationship). Sorry if I sound harsh but we all deserve a nice partner in life, treat others how you would like to be treated x

[BikeRiderGirl]

I'm so sorry to read this Clizzy and absolutely you're not expecting too much. My partner took a week off work to look after me after my operation and it made all the difference. I would have done exactly the same for him. Like AllThatGlitters says, relationships are for the good times and the bad. I hope he sorts himself out as you deserve better x

[USgalwthendo]

I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with such a tough situation. To go through surgery is hard enough but to spend so much energy on your partner when you really need it for healing is just way too much. Relationships can be work, sure, but right now you’re doing all the work and at a time when you really should be the person who can sit back and be taken care of now. If you are absolutely committed to this person I suggest couples counseling as this will only get worse and be a pattern in your relationship if unaddressed by a professional. I mean seriously how would he feel if he had surgery and you were out with your gal pals drinking and totally forgot? My mom just had surgery and I was her ride and support person until she got home -then her boyfriend took over. I had no worries she was in good hands. He waited on her hand and foot. As it should be. And believe me they have their tiffs here and there but when the rubber hits the road they are there for each other. I had my endo surgery years ago and my hubby was very supportive. But every day since as well as there have been many times I couldn’t finish cooking a meal due to pain and lethargy and had to ask him to take over and he does. If I’m sick in bed he makes sure he takes care of our son and they go out to give mommy quiet. And of course when either of them are ill I’m Nurse Mommy lolSo, no, you are not asking too much. You are asking for basic human consideration and you deserve it. If you can’t get it with this person you need to move on. You deserve better. Take care.

[Mal_w]

I'd say you need a new partner. This person is as selfish as he could possibly be. He doesn't need to know how it feels to be supportive and empathetic. You could have died on that table during surgery and he went out the night before to get drunk. You clearly aren't the priority, and you should be. Being available and empathetic does not cause someone's life yo be interrupted; you are IN his life too! I'm so sorry to say this...but you should divorce him immediately and only allow worthy suitors who provide value to your life. Fuck him.